Advice need please

[nj32]

Im a new poster please go easy! I'm a divorced mother of two. I became friendly with a work colleague just over 6 months ago he is 15 years older than myself. Texted lots, went for a few walks and have slept together a few times but also lots & lots of talking. However he lives with someone, pretty much separate lives separate beds but with someone none the less. As my marriage ended as a result of my ex husband's infidelity I am aware how bad it sounds. He to isn't that way inclined which I do genuinely believe, he is religious etc. We called whatever it was a day but it has sorted of started up again. Two walks were suggested by him but then I felt i pushed him into it. Something keeps drawing me back. We rarely text now.He doesn't want to hurt anyone & I know it won't be anymore than this. He feels i can do better etc. He is not at work next week & has lent me some thing & said I can give it back when I'm back at work. I have my two days off next week and feel gutted that he hasn't suggested a meet up. A lot of waffle I know sorry!!

He's lying to you. He lives with someone else and the "separate lives, separate beds" is the oldest lie in the world and you've fallen for it.

He obviously is "that way inclined" since he's been sleeping with you whilst in a relationship.

Wake up

Ditch the dodo.

Cake and eat it - don't have anything to do with him - you will end up getting hurt.

"You could do better" - this is just something men say to end things or to put you on notice that they will let you down in the future.

I disagree.

Speaking as someone who has been sleeping on the sofa for well over a year, living separate lives and looking for a solution - it is absolutely plausible.

Perhaps the guilt from a religious capacity is too much for him and he's trying to 'push you away' as he cannot work out his life right now.

Speak to him and get to the root of this.

Thank you, I do believe in the separate beds for several reasons mainly health ones let's just say! I'm In the beginning he was all about being together but from Christmas he doesn't want to hurt anyone. They split up & got back together a few uears ago. She has cheated several times so also from a financial aspect. He was the one who sort of ended it before due to guilt etc. I know I sound naive and I know he won't leave her. I guess it was nice feeling needed & wanted. I also want to stay friends particularly as we have to work together & I do genuinely believe him to be a good person.

Have some self respect OP, you know fine well he's living with someone, that in itself should have been enough to make you want to keep away; you obviously don't really care about what pain him and you cause her; he's a lying git who is stringing you along for days when he is bored, raise your bar, find a man that is unattached.

Even if what he says about separate beds is true, what kind of a person starts up a relationship with a work colleague when everyone knows he's living with another woman; he has no scruples whatsoever.

Stop wasting your time with this idiot. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be. All of his bullshit excuses are lies. He's playing you and you're allowing it. You can do a lot better.

However he lives with someone, pretty much separate lives separate beds

Oldest line in the book.

If this is true, then he won't mind this woman knowing about you. Will he?

I do genuinely believe him to be a good person

He's really not. He's a cheating A-hole.

Walk away nj.

You are only hearing one side of the story remember.
Make a clean break with him, and hold your head up high at work.
You must know in your heart that if you carry on with this, it will all end in tears, most probably your own tears.

Are you always this gullible op. My god woman how can you fall for this bullshit.

Did your ex use that line when he was fucking about?

What is wrong with people.

You were his bit on the side and now he's lost interest. If his relationship was as he said he would have left already. He hasn't and he won't because they're together!

Even if his relationship is as he says, he is right that you can do better.

And you can't be friends because it isn't a friendship.

You're a divorced mother of two, and you are falling for all this bullshit? Give yourself a shake woman!!

He is using you, stringing you along. He probably has another OW or two lined up.

Work on your self esteem before you embark on another relationship and choose someone who is single.

nj - all the time your focus is on this unavailable man you are missing out.

he is right - you can do better than him. keep him as a friend if you like but how much of your precious time are you wasting on analysing all the what-ifs?

you truly deserve someone who is free - and will commit to you - keep looking till you find him.

Exactly if they are only sharing a house have you been round for dinner, does she know all about you, nah, thought not.

Good person, sorry but a good and decent person doesn't have two relationships on the go at the same time.

Thank you, I know you are all right. To be fair when I initially went for a walk I didn't realise he was with someone. I know he feels guilty & she has cheated several times which is why they split up & sold there house. But I'm waffling again.

And you have his word for that OP, not hers so that also could be a load of BS, I know where I'd be putting my money.

Why does he feel guilty if they are no longer in a relationship.

I'm shocked that you would believe a word this scumbag says. They're broken up but he feels guilty? She's a rampant cheater but he still lives with her? Please!!! He is playing you like a fiddle.

It is true honestly about his partner remember I work with this person & I have been told by others and it all matches up. He has worked there for a long time I haven't.

Just because he's told the same lie to lots of people doesn't mean it's true.