We met in church but I'm not religious anymore

[amazingworldofgumball]

Long story short we met through a Christian church 6 years ago.
We're not married but have a DS.
We got him baptised at 3 months and attend Sunday service when we can.
Until about a year ago when he got promoted and I don't drive so I couldn't get there by myself.
Anyway since then I've just been questioning everything and reading A LOT online from good sources, like world renowned scientists etc. And I've come to the conclusion that I do not believe in God or heaven & hell etc. It's pretty strange but nice at the same time. I'm not constantly worried I'm going to hell lol.
Anyway I'm not here to talk about religion - I'm here to talk about how to handle this with my OH and his religious family.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'm questioning my faith etc and his response was for me to 'pray more'.
Obviously this means jack shit to me now lol.

Has anyone experienced this type of dynamic in a relationship?

I don't know how much this will impact us or raising our son, as I don't want to raise him with a religion anymore...

FML.

You don't get to choose on your own though to 'raise him with a religion'. What does that even mean when you don't take him to church - you're already doing a great job of not making him go

I wouldn't say anything at all for now. It's not a big deal as your son is so young. If your dh is only going to take him at Christmas and Easter is it a problem yet?

You don't have to say anything you don't want to.

I get what you mean but soon when he starts asking about the world etc I know my OH will start talking about jesus and god and do I just sit there and let him? Lol its such an awkward situation.

I believe in God, which DH knew when we married. He supports my church involvement because he see the good it does in the community, and what a lovely place our church is for children to grow up. My children currently don't believe, but are relaxed and happy with other people believing. One day they may believe again, who knows. They still like to come at Christmas and a few other times a year.

I would avoid confronting it, and just potter quietly along. People's feelings change, people's beliefs change- and change back again- over time.

Churches can't police belief.

Having said that, if yours is a church that teaches through fear of hell, then I wouldn't want to take my children there either.

I tend to sit on the fence with this one. If your partner is truly religious, he should accept you, whatever your beliefs.

Telling you to 'pray more' is just not useful, nor is it listening.

Can you articulate further what your concerns are at least here? Ultimately your son will decide for himself what he wants to believe, whatever it is.

I hope you can find a compromise between you and your partner. Do not allow dogma to get in the way! There is no right or wrong to holding religious or other beliefs or not, but there is something very wrong when we start fighting about them.

I think your son will make up his own mind, maybe tell your partner this is what you want to happen? He won't be indoctrinated by going to church or talking about religion or even going to a religious school. There's probably not much harm in your partner telling him about it as long as there's no pressure or on him either way.

I was brought up in a catholic family, convent school etc and I enjoyed the community I had through church and school. But I realised it was all rubbish in my early teens, most people do. I had a very religious boyfriend when I was 17 who didn't believe in sex before marriage (and told me I was going to hell for 'tempting' him (which makes me think your partner can't be THAT religious?) It's a bit hypocrital of him to pick and choose and then tell you to pray more...

OP do you live in the US or UK? Just because I'm not familiar with the US! But in the UK churches (even evangelical ones) allow for quite a bit of leeway on belief - someone in my family had the same issue as you, and now tends to be more spiritual and at church just talks more generally about the inherent good of mankind or at least their potential to be good, to be responsible and kind towards your community - she enphasises acceptance and love more than anything exclusionary. Maybe more like the Quakers? Except she goes to church!

In practice it will be tricky if your DP wants to raise children in one way and you want another set of ideals to raise them to.

Do you think your DP would chat to you about this openly? Without necessarily trying to convert you to something you don't want though

People change and we get ill, are bereaved, get made redundant and go through different stages in a faith journey. I happen to be a vicar but the faith I had as a young adult is not the same that I have as an older woman. I was an atheist in my teens and never stopped asking questions.

So at the moment you have moved away from what sounds to be quite a boundaries faith - this is what I believe into questioning those boundaries. That is all good and you may stay atheist or become agnostic or find yourself in the more spiritual, liturgical and liberal end of the church. Or something else.

If you can model to your children that some people believe this and some people believe that and this is how we negotiate differing viewpoints then you will be doing a great job. Even on the vicarage I had to repeat to my children when they did their homework 'some Christians believe in hell/that the Bible is the literal word of God/only men can be ministers/that denomination axis the one true church and they lived with the reality of it. It isn't easy but it can be done.

Tell him how you feel op.

I have a communion this Sunday that's costing me a small fortune. Sacrament of God my arse.

This isn't about beliefs, it's about tolerance for other opinions.

I'm humanist, my dh comes from a religious family and my older family are religious too. I've raised my dd by feeding her the knowledge of various religions and telling her that faith can't be taught, it's felt! That she is free to have faith in whatever she feels. That there's no right or wrong on this as we know and live people of all different faiths and beliefs.

I have good values, I am a good person and my families have never tried to convert me or diminish me because of my lack of faith.

So is your dh a tolerant man who believes in free will, or one for whom religion trumps anything else about a person?

MIL is very religious and teaches the DCs "Jesus said x, y and z" and "Jesus did x, y and z". I temper it with "some people believe that Jesus said and did those things, others believe differently. They've grown up with friends whose parents attend mosque, friends whose parents are entirely anti-religion and friends whose parents are both very devout.

It's a choice; you could choose to expose your DC to religion in all it's varied states and let them choose. That's the option I've gone for; if they want to find a faith it's there for them to seek.