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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU partners secret Polish trip

39 replies

runningirl75 · 04/05/2017 01:33

So this is the first I've posted on here, so apologies for my ramblings. My partner of one year (whom I see almost every day, good relationship with my 14 year old son) is a 'lone wolf' - likes time away on his own - all fine with me. Last weekend he was particularly vague about his plans,,had previously asked me to look after his dog whilst he went to Poland. All ok with that, I stayed at his house with my son, whilst doing jobs and bits for him there.
He was v vague about what he was up to, I did a terrible thing and looked at his iPad (something I'm not proud of), but there were photos uploaded on his phone from that day with two very young and beautiful women, and a letter that he had sent a couple of weeks ago where he was discussing how he couldn't wait to see them, he'd booked a hotel etc etc.
fast forward to Monday, I have told him I've seen photos and the letter. He thinks I'm over reacting. Am I? I think not. He has in the past had a terrible reputation for being unfaithful, but in the time together he has given me no reason to doubt his integrity, he asked advice from his brother who instantly said he had behaved terribly and that he should not expect to be forgiven, the ease in which he planned this without considering me, the meeting of the women (old,platonic friends he says).
Basically the last two days he has had lots of tears, he is genuinely an emotionally closed book, physically not warm nor affectionate (that is his nature), even his children say that about him.
I just don't know what to do, I love him so much, and we were really good (or so I thought)!and he maintains that we are, but how could he do this.
My close friends already think he is the typical alpha man,and has shown me no respect and need to dump him now. Any thoughts would be gratefully received, but thank you for reading this!

OP posts:
Beebeeeight · 04/05/2017 08:43

Dump dump dump

BastardGoDarkly · 04/05/2017 08:52

He's a cheating liar.

Run and don't look back.

Flowers
thethoughtfox · 04/05/2017 08:53

He's not a 'lone wolf'; he's a dog.

pumpkinmoon1 · 04/05/2017 09:35

How does he know these women anyway? Are they from Poland or did they all arrange to meet for a holiday together?

runningirl75 · 04/05/2017 09:37

So I have emailed my cv out to a couple of GP practices this morning, then I hopefully have some options!
Thank you again everyone- you are properly amazing x

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 04/05/2017 09:39

Im guessing the two woman were prostitutes, he wouldn't need a hotel room to sleep with woman his been friends with for ages, he'd go to their place.

Please leave him, don't put up with this shit, it'll only get worse.

MyOpe · 04/05/2017 10:53

Another one who thinks you are probably under-reacting rather than over-reacting. Wow, just wow at all his behaviour including the tears! Get rid pronto, don't engage with him.

deadringer · 04/05/2017 11:30

Ltb. Is his brother single, cos he sounds way nicer.

TempusEedjit · 04/05/2017 12:57

How could two very young women be "old" friends? Unless he likes striking up friendships with teens?

Leaving aside that he thinks it's ok to be evasive about his trip I worry that you think you can be really good together with someone not physically warm or affectionate and who has a terrible reputation for infidelity. Sounds like an awful soul-destroying relationship to me, I wonder what your exH was like if your new partner seems a good catch in comparison?

Good luck with the job hunt.

Guiltypleasures001 · 04/05/2017 13:33

He's not a lone wolf he's a Dog

Good luck with your job hunting op, don't settle for fuck wits again and get sti checked

Huskylover1 · 04/05/2017 14:10

The fact there were 2 women, is really throwing me off here. Were they all in the same photo, or was he meeting them separately? I can't see 2 very young women meeting an older guy for a threesome, unless money is changing hands. Something not right in this scenario.....can you do more snooping? Check Ipad history/e-mails etc.

nigelsbigface · 05/05/2017 14:26

Op, you want to believe him because you have so much invested in this given what you have done to be with him...
But don't let that cloud your judgment here.If you give him any more of your time and anymore of yourself there will soon be nothing left.
Get away from him work wise and relationship wise as soon as you can. He is at best lying and at worst engaging in what looks like an extremely dodgy threesome. What's to like about that?

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 00:42

Prostitutes, obviously.
So did you have an affair with him? Most people don't leave their marriages for someone without there being a crossover. Although that would make you the cheat not him, it does say something about his morals that he went near a married woman in the first place Hmm
And he has form for being a cheat too.
Lone wolf indeed.
Arsehole, more like.

pigyoinkoinks · 21/05/2017 22:29

I wonder what happened here?! I hope you're ok OP and you were strong.

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