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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this selfish?

8 replies

PiggyWibble · 03/05/2017 23:03

This started out as an aibu and I've cut and pasted so sorry if it's a bit jumbled.

DW has turned our shed into a kind of den. Decorated only with stuff she's interested in. I feel irrationably angry about this. I know it's the tip of the iceberg and I need to know whether I'm being unreasonable to be pissed off about it.

She has 2 now adult children who have always lived with us, other parent not in picture. I've lived with them since they were small and done at least an equal share of parenting them. I am now a SAHM to a toddler. DW has had a serious drinking problem in the past couple of years (all of our toddler's life, basically) which has nearly made me walk out on several occasions. She works full time in a stressful job, doing 3-4 long days a week. She now drinks about 4 nights a week (10-20 units). That is a lot but a massive reduction from 6 months ago.

I do all of the childcare of the toddler and most of the housework. I get up with the toddler every day. She's got up with toddler 3 times this year. DW usually gets up between 9am and 12pm on her days off.

DW has created this little den in the shed, full of her bits and bobs, says she needs the space for relaxation, and as a distraction from drinking. She potters in there several nights a week, usually on the nights she drinks, so it's not really distracting from it after all. It's decorated with her old photos and things like news clippings of things she's interested in and seems like such a self-indulgent little hovel.

I am so pissed off about it. More than the drinking, more than the lack of getting up with the toddler. I feel like it's massively selfish. There's no space in the house for me to have an equivalent, the toddler barely has a room big enough to fit a cot, never mind finding space for a den for me. But even if I did find space, I'd have about an hour a night after the little one's in bed to go in it anyway.

I know you're all probably going to tell me that it's the drinking and stuff that's the problem, but I can't help but focus on this fucking shed, I want to go in and spray paint swear words all over her stupid fucking pictures and shit.

I feel like I can't say much about the drinking because it's reduced from being an every night thing. But it's still having a massive impact. Last month, she ran out of spending money only 2 weeks into the month. She has no savings left because she used them to top up her wages when drinking really heavily. I have retaliated to this by building a savings account in my own name from a small income I have.

When we argue, it's always because I get pissed off about something like the drinking or money, and she makes me feel like it's me being argumentative because she never starts arguments about my behaviour, so she says it's my fault for starting it.

Why am I so upset over a shed with a few pictures in? Seeing her putting them back up tonight really pissed me off.

OP posts:
LineysRun · 03/05/2017 23:10

I suppose the shed is a symbol of how you feel she opts out and disappears to the sidelines of your supposedly shared life, looking back to the past instead of being there with you and your toddler in the present.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 03/05/2017 23:11

Because she's putting so much effort and time into something that is separating her from family life, creating a place just for her, instead of taking on an equal share of raising your toddler. She's already put you in the situation of having to be in charge, due to the drinking, and even if she's drinking less, she's still not making herself available as a member of your family.

I'd feel like torching the bloody shed if it were me (in my case it was the office in out house that my ex retreated to, hiding from me and the kids. Always something important to do..)

esmaesmomma · 03/05/2017 23:33

Sounds to me you're very angry with her and it's not healthy. Are you sure job want to be with her?

Sounds like you would be better apart.

I agree it's selfish

PiggyWibble · 03/05/2017 23:39

Thanks both. Yes, it is about withdrawing and opting out. I am too pissed off to think of anything but the word selfish and I can't use that, because it's like a red rag to a bull, the very idea that she is selfish when she works so hard(!) You have both helped me articulate it a bit more.

I do feel like going in and ripping it all to pieces tbh. Tonight when I realised she was so redoing the decorations, I was grappling with an over tired child screaming her head off, trying to get some pyjamas on. I know for a fact the screaming could be heard out the window. Eldest DSC came to help in the end. DW never does in those situations.

OP posts:
PiggyWibble · 03/05/2017 23:43

I'm not sure, esmaes. I wish I'd left when things were really bad. Now, it seems wrong to leave when things have improved a bit.

And I kind of hope things might get back yo where they were but I don't know if I can get over this massive resentment I harbour.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 04/05/2017 01:19

The Sunk Cost Fallacy. The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences. The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it.

I think you need to think about this.

TheEmmaDilemma · 04/05/2017 09:39

Seeing her putting them back up tonight really pissed me off.

Did you take them down?

I'm currently cutting down my drinking quite substaintially. I have a little place I like to sit with my stuff and feel calm and quiet and reflect. It helps me massively though my Partner is struggling to understand too.

PiggyWibble · 04/05/2017 13:24

No, I didn't take them down. When we argued about the den initially she tore them down in a drunken sulk.

I get the need for a little place, but I don't get the same courtesy. I don't have somewhere to go and chill out like that. I have the toddler 24/7 and there's no other space that I could just claim and metaphorically piss all over to mark as my own territory. And when she initially did it, it was supposed to be as an alternative for drinking endlessly, not somewhere to sit and drink and smoke.

I've looked at the shed today and all of the pictures are either old photos of her, her friends, her family, her children (but not our toddler), or images of places she's been to or wants to go to, or inspiring photos she likes from online.

The Sunken Cost Fallacy, I see it, but it's hard to uninvest emotionally. I'm kind of isolated in that I moved here to be with her and lost a lot of ties with my old friends. Friends I've made here have been tied to jobs and haven't really stuck, and I haven't really got any 'mummy friends' despite being a SAHM. I'm quite an introvert and find having the toddler around (wonderful but) draining and find it hard to maintain friendships on top. So she's kind of the only person who knows me, and although I'd have parental support if I went back home, it's not the same.

I haven't said anything yet about the reappearance of the den, because I know it will lead to an argument and when that happens she throws all sorts at me, really rips into my whole personality. I tend to argue about things she's said or done, but in return I get a whole diatribe about what a terrible person I am.

OP posts:
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