Can Relate cause more harm to a betrayed spouse?

[Hesabawbag]

Hi, I went along to first session and I have to say I'm not sure. No advice offered whatsoever, just another opportunity for him to throw my anger in my face as an excuse for everything. I should be angry, it's root cause is him stonewalling, cheating and compulsive lying to my face. Anyone had success with Relate councelling to at least get over this if not stay together.

If he is abusive then it is not recommended that you have joint counselling. He needs to work on his anger/aggression issues in 1:1 and you may feel you need 1:1 for support.

Sometimes in joint counselling the counsellor works from the premise that the breakdown in the relationship was the responsibility of both partners - and both need to work towards change. Often an aggressive partner will hijack this to blame you and produce a list of what is wrong with you and needs changing.

Raed some Lundy Bancroft - Why does he do That? or Should I stay or should I go? Or Not just friends by Shirley Glass

My friend felt it did more harm than good at the time but in retrospect his behavior and outrageous demands for change in the sessions was the final impetus she needed to leave.