Child Arrangements Order Advice

[Mikemike]

Hi… I am looking to put in a application to the court for a Child Arrangements Order (used to be a Residence Order). I want my son to live with me. Just wondering if anyone have had any experience with it?

Like:
– Costs – My solicitor said it will cost £3.5K. But if I fill in the and send the form off to the court myself and represent myself it will be £256.00
– Anyone with experience in filling in the form
– Anyone who has represented themselves in court?
– How do the courts treat men who would want their child to live with them?

basically any help / experience is needed.

Cheers… Mike

What are the reasons you are applying for the child to live with you?

I mean IMO there is little point in spending any money trying to get full time care when currently the other parent has full time care unless there are serious safeguarding concerns as a change of this kind would be detrimental to the child's wellbeing and would only be likely to be made if the other parent was seen to be damaging the child.

Really unless you have safeguarding concerns which are serious enough to warrant it being in the best interests of the child to change their care so massively then I think you will just be spending a load of money on making the other parent really angry with you and if you do have safeguarding concerns you should be speaking to SS who will be able to step in and take action ASAP to protect your child, rather than initiating a court process that will take a while for scheduling hearings etc

If it is simply a case of 'wanting' the child to live with you then you would not be likely to succeed. What you need to show is that there are significant enough reasons to remove primary care from the other parent and also that you are capable of providing for the child's welfare, care, education etc

No safe guard reasons. My wife is looking to move quite far away which will make it a nightmare to see my boy.

how far away?

Also, why is she wanting to move?

And what has she suggested she will do to promote contact with you if she moves?

It is ALWAYS best to try to actually sort these kinds of issues out between the two of you.

A court will only make an order if it is necessary to do so. Unless there has been DV you will be expected to mediate first, the court won't even hear the case if you haven't.

Generally the courts see high conflict cases and the court process can increase conflict. Parental conflict is known to have a negative effect on the child's outcomes.

It is likely that she will be able to move somewhere within the country and even if she wants to move abroad then she probably will be able to.

Your child is still entitled to expect her to promote contact between the two of you though and your issue is most likely going to hinge around how you and she can protect your relationship with your son after she moves.

Think really hard about whether court is necessary, why and the effect on all of your futures as a separated family of going to court.

Is a Prohibited Steps Order relevant?
To stop her from moving so far?
But - everything Offred said still applies.

Possibly but would it be granted? If it weren't what provision for contact is going to be made? Possibly that's why the solicitor advised on a CAO.

The OP and his wife need to work together to support each other's parenting.

Applying for any court order is going to have a significantly negative effect on that relationship and I would say without safeguarding concerns the op won't get primary care, if the move is for justifiable reasons and is not even very far away the court won't prevent her going.

This issue is most likely to be really how can the child's contact with his father be protected and it will be best achieved by working together and not against each other and as always only escalating to court applications when the issue is not able to be resolved without court as one or both people are being unreasonable.

And I don't mean to minimise the upset of your child moving further from you and contact becoming more difficult, but the court, and the law, is interested only in what is best for the child.

What is best will be determined with some regard to what is best for the child's parents but in so far as the effect it is likely to have on the child.

If she is moving for work or to be nearer to family support now you have split then the disruption of moving is going to eventually benefit the child. In that case you can expect her to reasonably facilitate contact but you will also be expected to rearrange your life to take up that contact.

It is not reasonable to want the child's life to be turned upside down and primary care (which presumably was based on what you agreed re childcare during your marriage) taken from her and given to you just because she is moving further away after the split.

What's important here is what you are prepared to do to maintain a relationship with your child.

Even if the relationship had not broken down many parents have jobs which involve working away from home and this is not really any different, except that it is the child who will be moving around.

I am the main carer (for the last 5 years), while she works shifts, some times start at 6am or sometimes finish at 10pm. She has no support at all (and I mean non).

My concerns are this, if she moves away, who will she have to help out? I have my family and friends etc that can help out whenever we need it.

She has been cheating on me (and does not know I know at the moment) and she has plans to move him in as well. I just feel this is not right also.

So really you are looking to maintain the status quo? You shouldn't have any trouble.

I'm sorry you have discovered she is cheating on you.

I misunderstood your OP, I thought you were divorced and looking to change residency previously agreed. Now I see that you actually haven't split up with your wife yet.

So it seems what you want to do, is file for divorce, and agree with her that you will be the primary carer for your son? I think you'd be expected to have mediation if she disagrees before any court applications were made.

You're in a strong position to have an equal or greater % of time, as the SAHP. (though it hasn't been 5 years, has it? But 3, and she was the SAHP for 7 years before that)

You will have no more 'right' than her just because she has had an affair. Rightly, the court will be interested in the interests of the child, not in settling a moral score. (I was cheated on, I feel for you - but no court is going to award you residency over her simply because she's moving in with an affair partner)

I don't think it will make any difference to an application to say she has no family support. Most people don't, tbh, and have to manage for themselves. She has a job and can take parental leave or use paid for child care. Many parents have no back up. You don't like this, I'm sorry to be blunt - but she will have her boyfriend for back up.

Arguing for that status quo is very persuasive I would think, but the family support thing I doubt would go far.

I understand why you're trying to get your ducks in a row, but I think you need to start by telling her you know, ending the marriage and actually talking about this.

From your other thread, it seems you both know the marriage is on its last legs.

When I was in that situation with my cheating XH, I threw in some hypothetical questions a few months before I dumped him - including how we would manage child arrangement if we split. Can you sound her out?

How do you know that Ellisandra?

Oh, advanced search, sorry. A bit slow this evening.

Yes, AS - I know it's not always the done thing, but I refer to it to help (I hope!) not for any negative reason.
OP needs advice and I think it would be quite different advice to reverse an existing decision than to decide on the initial arrangements.

What on earth is the point in pursuing a CAO at this time?

Just go to mediation and agree how your son is going to be cared for now you are separating!!!

OP as someone 11k into the process, think long and hard about what you are trying to achieve here.

Having read the other thread, rather than fussing about a CAO, you need to ask about divorce.

Make a mediation appointment as soon as possible and discuss, and hopefully agree, how you separate childcare, home etc. Her plans to move and what you are going to do re contact/care when she moves.

If you are hoping that the court will do all the talking for you then you need to disabuse yourself of that notion! Mediation is what I would suggest because this is a split she wants where you want to continue in the relationship so feelings will run high. A mediator can keep you on track and support you both to come to some decisions.

You need to sort out separate living arrangements ASAP.