Had massive row with DH, wondering what's up with him

[Blackbean]

I'll try and be brief.

DD got a game for the xbox called Viva Pinata where you grow a garden and animals come to it etc. She didn't like it and so it didn't really get played on, I said I'd go and trade it and DH said he wanted a quick turn on it first to see what it was like.

So, this was on saturday evening, he put it on at about 6pm and was still playing on it when DD went to bed at 8pm. I went to get a bath...got out at 9pm and he was still playing on it , I was getting a bit irritated and asked him if he fancied a chinese...he said "yeah, could you order it whilst I finish this" so I ordered it and asked him to turn off the game when it arrived so we could eat together so he replied "yes mum" .

Anyway food arrived, DH didn't turn it off and let his food get cold, I got annoyed and went to bed at 10pm when he was still playing on it.

Sunday - He gets up, the game wasnt mentioned and we went out for the day and had a lovely time, got home, had dinner, DD got in the bath - DH puts game on and said "I'll just be 5 minutes...". I get DD ready for bed, 8pm DH is still playing on it, I come downstairs and said "I don't want another night like last night, will you please turn off that game??" so he threw the controller across the room and screamed in my face "do you ever fucking stop nagging and going on?" and he stormed out of the house and went for a drive. I was so upset, all over a stupid game.

Anyway monday morning he got ready for work and 10 minutes before he left put the game on again, he left the house 10 minutes late as a result and was late for work. Before he got home I hid the game behind the wardobe to avoid another night of it. He got home and never mentioned it, we had dinner, DD got in bed...DH put the xbox on and started looking for the game, I could tell he was getting irritable so I went to get a bath to keep out of the way, 10 minutes later he came storming in asking where the game was, I said I didn't know and he went mad called me a fucking liar and saying I was pathetic and childish, he left the bathroom and I heard things being thrown around in the living room, got out of the bath and DH was litrally turning the living room upside down looking for it, things got broke and DD heard and got upset.

He hasn't spoken to me since, went to work this morning and said if I don't find it he's selling the xbox (which will devestate DD). I don't know what to do, he's acting like a nutcase, I wouldn't mind but it's a very babyish game anyway, how has he got so obsessed over it? I think he may be depressed but this seems manic, not depressive.

Men are idiots when it comes to computer games. My dp was playing Football Manager until gone 2 last night and had to be at work at 6! He came home early and has spent the past 2 hours snoring on the sofa. I know he'll be asleep all day. If I were to confiscate his precious game he'd have the same reaction as your dh. He drives me mad!

Sorry, blackbean, but this doesn't sound like normal behaviour to me. Tbh, I would have handled it differently, ie more humorously, but that's just different people, different relationship, different dynamic. At this point I'd give him the game, but I'd make it pretty bloody clear I thought his behaviour was unacceptable and his obsession with a children's game was pretty pathetic. Then I'd ignore him and let get on with it.

BUT, do you think there are deeper issues? Stuff going on at work/other relationship stuff/family politics? 'Cos if not, it seems pretty bizarre behaviour.

he's got a bit obsessed with the pinata hasn't he?

OK, have to confess, my dh doesn't play computer games so I'm probably talking out of my arse . Are some blokes really like this? they think this is an acceptable way to go on? really?

IMO if you treat him like a child (hiding game so he can't get at it) he'll react like a child. SOunds like you're being a bit controlling (although they can be a PITA with their obsessions

In your shoes, i'd put up with it for a few days (novelty may wear off) then talk to him about it.

you're a first time poster I see.

what's his behavior normally like?

Sounds like a good game, tell me more

Its the other way around in our house, DP bought me Zoo Tycoon for the computer for my birthday and tbh I am totally obsessed with it, I am not a big TV watcher anyway and usually read books but since I got Zoo Tycoon I have played it every night now for about 2 weeks and although DP doesn't carry on, he does make the odd comment about how lately all he sees is the back of my head all night.

I don't see the problem but maybe I am strange as the role is reversed, DP is glued to the TV every night so what is the difference?

IMO, this is not normal behaviour.

However, Viva Pinata is an ace game! Ahem.....

Before the Zoo Tycoon I had an addiction to Mumsnet too........

Unreasonable behaviour IMO.

You hid the game because he was acting like an a hole. Then he acted like an even bigger a hole when he couldn't find it.

Say to him that if selling the xbox and upsetting your dd is what he wants to do then do it.

Then tell him if he does that, he'll be next out of the door!!

How old is your DD?

i think you have to sit and talk - can you do that?

we are all entitled to out own time doing out own things. i'm sure you dontthink he needs to be with you all the time every night - as long as he knows the same.

missing meals is just rude.

playing the game whilst somone is eating - is rude. and disrespectful - i think you need to tell him its about respect for you and your feeligns - that there is a time and place for these things and he must admit that he is taking the piss.

howeer cautious footnote here. my dh became addicted to a computer game. i tolerated it for 2 years. then i left with the children. the game meant that he didn't get enough sleep, he lied, he didn't care for the children properly when i wasn't there - but most of all he saw me as an appendage to his life.

its the most bizarre thing to write. people undertand drugs or alchohol, but when your dh goes into a rage becuase of lack of sleep and yet another argument its no joke when they become scary infront of the children, when the children cry becuase your arguing again.

my dh destroyed a wonderful 17 year marriage - and is trying to re-build it - however its damaged. and he has broken my trust and my heart, put the children through the most horrible of experiences when we left. Now i plan my time making sure that we are alright should our marriage end. Plan my time thinking when the children leave home - would i start over on my own? It's deeply affected our relationship in a way he can't see - i dont know why. what is broken - i have no words for. i can't explain. but something has been horribly horribly maligned, stained, tainted, broken.

please dont put up with flying rages. no -one should have to - ots not normal behaviour - becuase the source of the rage isn't socially depraved like drugs or alchohol or even accepted like over working - doesn't make the rage any less.

I'm a fully fledged member of the footie manager anonymous club. However, if my dw asks me if i'm going to play it all night, i say no and turn it off.

It's easy to get immersed in a game but behaving like he did would get me an appointment with the divorce courts.

He's an arsehole, sorry.

Custardo, what a scary tale. My DP had a real thing about this stupid, stupid MMORPG a few months ago. He was on it every waking moment, not sleeping enough, coming unwillingly to eat meals with me and DS, etc etc. I kept nagging him about it and eventually he deleted his account or whatever it was called but I was genuinely worried. It is every bit as bad as gambling or drugs and I really sympathise with the OP.

I'm addicted to a computer game (World of Warcraft - it's my real life, this one is just a fantasy), and some might say that it's the cause of my marriage breakdown, though I'd say it's the other way round (crap life = search for escapism). However I just do not believe that any game, let alone one designed for little girls, hooked a man who had previously not been interested in gaming and made him behave out of character after just one session. Sorry if it is completely genuine but I smell either a troll or a shortened version of events.

My dh is also an xbox addict. But I am also addicted to MN, and The Sims, and have been known to glance at the old xbox every now and again. So I can't complain.
I don't like skipping meals tho, and he does that sometimes. And comes to bed at 5am sometimes. But only on Fri night when it's his turn to lay in.