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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

freaking out!

4 replies

tryingtobestrong33 · 02/05/2017 19:55

Hi i have another thread on here but i cant find it so hope someone remembers me...
I have been in touch with rape crisis again and they were awful again....has anyone else had this experience? Or knows of another agency to talk to?
Im scared of loosing my friends ive just paid 150 pound to go on one of thier hen do's in 2 weeks time in a city ive never been to staying in a hotel even tho everything in me is panicking not to but i know i will be classed as a bad friend for it as they dont understand....
I tried to explain to one of them ( not the bride ) that it makes me feel panicky and she said that im not coping if a weekend away with my mates makes me feel like that... i thought i was doing ok? I dont know anymore i have no idea how i feel other than that id rather be anywhere in the world in 2 weeks than at a male strip show in a city ive never been to where i cant get home with 10 other people ive never met....
Its all too much and is panicking me massively but like i said in my previous post i dont have other family only these 2 best friends and im so scared of loosing them ive just paid up and will have to go ....
I dont know what to do anymore Sad

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 02/05/2017 20:13

hello OP, I didn't see your previous thread but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

I'm sorry that Rape Crisis weren't helpful to you.

There is a big difference between coping with everyday life after a traumatic event, and actively putting yourself back into a situation where you know you will feel very anxious and on hyper-alert all night.

Can I ask if you have seen your GP? Some of your post indicates that you may have PTSD as a result of your assault. This can be treated and overcome, but it will take time and treatment. Unfortunately mental health services have been cut all over :( but your GP may be able to get you better help.

Regarding your friends, are they aware of what's happened to you? Have you been totally open i.e. "I was raped on a night out" rather than using more comfortable language like "I was taken advantage of" which may not fully explain to them the real nature of what happened?

It does not sound like this environment of a hen night will be good for your mental health and right now YOU should be your top priority. Please don't let the "I've spent £150" sway you. You've spent that money already, so you can either be 150 down and completely miserable and re-traumatised at an event you don't want to be at, or 150 down and sitting at home comfortably, feeling safe.

LunaJuna · 02/05/2017 20:16

Maybe your friend just doesn't want you to stop enjoying life and doesn't know what else to say.
You shouldn't lose her friendship for not going away on a weekend if you decide you're not ready to go.
Hope you feel better soon Flowers

tryingtobestrong33 · 02/05/2017 21:29

Thanks for the replies :) it helps so much to talk to people who arent hurt that im acting different
My friends both know the full details , the rape was in my home by someone i trusted as a friend so i guess the im scared of nights out and want to stay in sounds stupid but ive dealt with being in my house ive had to and despite the memories with the doors locked and my music on to distract me its become my safe zone
I think im doing ok they clearly dont :(
I dont want to go on the hen night i feel sick and panicked already am happy to pay my way and duck out but i know the bride will hold it against me as weve already had conversations that shes annoyed im not taking an interest and asking about wedding plans as i seem too wrapped up in myself
I dont want to loose the few people i have left but dont know how to get them to understand... it must be hard from the other side too i know and feel bad im like this with them

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 03/05/2017 06:03

I think you should prioritise your mental health over a hen night. If your friends will be upset with you then they don't sound like very good friends. Have you received some counselling or asked your GP to refer you for some? This might help

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