If you are not a "people person", did you struggle with parenting because of it?

[squishee]

Background: am partnered up, no DCs yet and on the fence about it.

I'm starting to realise that my parents were not what I would call "people people". Although I have several siblings, the social environment that I grew up in was rather awkward and odd. Looking back, I see now that we were not really encouraged to form friendships / do sports / take part in activities, and did not see our parents do any of these things.

Now, I don't consider myself a "people person". Do you think that this makes parenting more of a struggle? After all, families are really all about social interaction, etc..

What are your experiences?

Perhaps.

I am not a people person by nature though I have made a considerable effort to learn social and communication skills, I have a daughter who is about to be diagnosed with ASD and much of her difficulties remind me of my own TBH. I still need time alone after social situations and time to prepare for them beforehand.

I never wanted to have children but I have made a lot of effort and put a lot of thought into all aspects of parenting. Most of my frustration had been with abusive male partners who have dumped the majority of the heavy lifting on me.

I don't believe I feel the same about my children as I do generally about other people. I think I feel like they are part of me but I do get worn out and tired, like most parents. I enjoy my time away from them too, though I miss them, I just need a couple of days totally alone where I don't have to talk to another soul.

My family was also weird and socially unacceptable in a number of ways and as an adult I now recognise that part of that is that my parents are both pretty toxic (and from very different but still toxic backgrounds).

I am not a people person at all, and I do think it has contributed to finding parenting a struggle. I only have one child, and I find being in constant demand difficult. It's maybe not helped that he has ADHD and is loud and energetic, whereas I'm quiet and lazy less enthusiastic about things .

However, we are very close (he's 10 now) and I wouldn't change him or be without him for the world. I am less patient than I should be, and more drained after a full day with him than I should be, but he is well cared for and loved, and I don't regret having him for even a second.
So, I guess non-people persons shouldn't let that stop them having a child/children.

Probably, like most people, if you decide to have children you will try to build on the foundation your parents gave you. Whether that was bad or good for you, you will have learned a lot!

Yes. I find it hard to organise play dates and never being alone is super tough.

Yes I'm not a people person and I find social situations very hard. Making small talk with other parents at parties, baby/toddler groups and at the school gate. Organising play dates. Trying to put together a birthday party was particularly difficult. I force myself to do it all though because I don't want my dcs to miss out.

My dad is also very much not a people person and I think that was actually a positive for me - I always found it very unsettling at other peoples house when there were various friends and neighbours just popping in and out all the time. I've since been diagnosed as having ASD, so God only knows how I would have coped if my parents had been the socialising sort!

I have a diagnosis of autism and I'm definitely not a people person. I did struggle with parenting and never had any mum friends. I have just one child and we tend to have lots of one to one time rather than spending time with other children. It turns out that DD is autistic as well - which helps really. She is happy in her own company and has never demanded in terms of social activity. In many ways we are quite similar.

We do have a big family behind us which stops us being so isolated - she spends time with cousins and my siblings regularly.

One positive thing I guess is that parents often complain about being isolated and not being able to go out and socialise when their children are young. That was never an issue for me as I don't have a need for social interaction. And I don't have any problems with people judging me as a parent, as I don't have much of a friendship group so I'm blissfully unaware.

Not a people person either - though I try - but I have never struggled with the DC because a) I love them and b) they have no expectations or agenda. So within the family this has never cause a single issue.
Don't worry about the playground - there are all sorts all mixed up together and you will find a space you are comfortable in.

Yes I did a bit because (unlike in my childhood) everything is organised for children, no just popping out to play in the streets, it's all 'play dates'.

I found it sad that my dd didn't get invitations because I wasn't the coffee mornings type.

It's obviously got much easier as children got older and had more say in their social lives.

I took the route of volunteering to try to help in my parenting. That way I was seeing other parents but in a role, rather than socially. That suited me better.

Yes, and I really feel I've let my son down.

He is now in late teens and asks me about how to get on with people on a meaningful basis, and I have no clue.

I'm not a people person either, and I've found parenting hard work - just the one DD (4), and a very involved DH. DD is at nursery 3 mornings a week. I work one of those, but interestingly, I don't seek company for the other two. I've found that on the 4 days I have sole care of DD (including the 2 with mornings at nursery), I only feel lonely/isolated if I don't see friends at all. Seeing one friend/week is enough, though two is OK too. More than that is tiring. The plus side of seeing friends is that I see those who have children DD can play with, so I get a break from her wanting constant attention!

I'm not keen to have another child. Most of my friends have two or more, so that suggests that I'm struggling more than them (or am just more selfish). I do have a good bond with DD though.

Thanks for your comments. I guess the nature versus nurture thing plays a part too. I have several siblings but am very reserved, whereas DP is an only child but very talkative and sociable.

Yes, I was crap because I couldn't show my dd how to deal with the world. She taught herself and is doing a much better job for her dd.

I struggle with it and feel very guilty. I only have one friend with a kid. All my friends are childless and common interest oriented. I'm not into gossip or listening to people talk about their children so I seek to have nothing in common with any of the parents I've met from my child's school. I think the type that hang around the school gates or meet up with their kids tend to be a type of person I typically avoid.

I'm also introverted (not shy), I need my own space to recharge, I can't stand people around me all the time and luckily my child is similar but then I think maybe not so lucky for her. I'm sure it's upbringing. I wish I was better but no idea how to change.

*Seem, not seek.

I'm not a people person at all (I'm autistic) and I worry that this negatively impacts on my dd. She doesn't get invited to friends houses very often but does get party invites and I do ensure she has extra curricular activities to go to. I do talk with the other parents when I see them. It I don't actively go out of my way to engage with them. Our house is tiny so can't really accommodate playing children and I never really know what to say or do if there are other people in my house. I know I should change that but get filled with the FEAR at the thought of strangers in my house. It will be easier when the kids are able to come on their own without attached parent.

My parents are very much people persons but never interacted with any of the parents at my school and didn't send us to clubs etc. I think they felt intellectually superior to the other parents which annoyed me. I just wanted normal parents and I worry I'm too abnormal for my dd.

I'm definitely more of a natural introvert, although my job requires me to be an extrovert. What I find difficult is the effort it takes to go out to playgroups etc and be sociable when I'm knackered, and my natural instinct is to stay at home and be quiet! However I know it's for DS's benefit to socialise, so we go to lots of groups etc, but I do find it tiring - I think parenting maybe takes more out of you if you aren't as sociable, and find it tougher to meet people and make conversation etc.

I would love to be a people person but there is something in the way and this became glaringly obvious when i had small children. Other mums would find me somehow weird, just weird - my conversations go too deep too quickly and i am beyond shit at the small talk, the happy chatter that i would see going on but could never join in with. I would get sidelong glances etc and just couldnt work out what i was doing wrong. In fairness i was brought up in a very religious household and socialising was not well modelled, and as time went on two of my children were diagnosed ASD (in their teen years) and everything fell into place for me. However i did find some friends back then who were somewhat on the outside themselves, and we are still firm friends now. I think there are layers of socialising, and I always wanted to operate at the highest level - now i know my level is way below that of some others i dont long for it but am happy with things are now, with friends who will accept me for what i am.