Major anxiety about future potential relationships

[lifesjoys]

Yes I've only just had a baby, no I don't plan on getting out there and sleeping around/dating.

However, I was just thinking about future potential relationships, I guess more day dreaming to be fair....then out of no where I had a panic attack!

It's left me shaken! Honestly I didn't realise how much my previous mentally/physically abusive relationship has actually affected me!

I know I don't need to think about this now, given my current situation however it's clear I need help isn't it?? I need to get over what he did, otherwise il push future guys away because of all this and sit and wonder why in 5 years time I'm still single.

Wtf has this guy done to me?!

I'm scared of getting to know a guy on an intimate level I'm scared he'll be like my ex.

These types of relationships do affect people and markedly so but it does not have to define your future. I would suggest you enrol on Womens Aid Freedom Programme and do this in person rather than online.

BACP are good with regards to counselling and do not charge the earth.

I think there are a few things to consider.

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with remaining single as long as you need. There is something incredibly freeing about working on becoming independent and not needing to rely on anyone else.
That way when someone wonderful does come along, they enhance your life, not take it over.

Secondly, and this is the biggest thing I've found helped me when it comes to trusting again: refuse to let him change who you are.
Be the trusting and loving person you want to be and know you are, despite what happened. He doesn't get to take that.
If someone takes advantage of your trust, it doesn't make you a weak person, it makes them a bad one.

It's also very normal to be on a roller coaster emotionally.
Some days you'll fly because you're free, and others you'll sink because it happened.
The sinking days will become fewer and fewer as time passes.

It'll start getting better, I promise :)

And like Attila said, counselling and the Freedom Programme will help.

Oh and good luck OP.

There are a lot of us on here who have been through this, and come out stronger and happier. You will too.

I do hope so!

Thank you for your support and advice.

I have come quite far since the relationship ended 6 months ago, especially as he told me "without me, you'd have nothing".

I've got my own place
Close to my family
I'm very independent
I've my own money
I've lost weight
And I don't have anyone to accuse me of having affairs/talking to men/checking my phone whilst I'm asleep!

It might not sound much to anyone else but to me it's massive.

It is massive. You've made massive progress. Just concentrate on yourself and your precious baby for now. Maybe speak to gp about counselling but don't rush into dating

You're doing well but still may need some counselling just to have extra help. I have a similar issue but don't get panic attacks. I left my ex two years ago and spent the two years single and just being happy, didn't look into dating at all. Met a new guy now and its going well so far although still a new relationship. I still get anxious over sex though because my ex basically raped me although did eventually stop, so we have had sex yet but we will it will just take time. Dont rush it you will do yourself no favours.

I was in an abusive relationship a year before I met my OH

I think the key is working on new friendships and getting out there not looking for a romantic relationship at all... go to new groups or find new friends in your local area.

I never expected to meet my other half! we now have a beautiful 5 month old daughter and a lovely house!
If someone told me I'd be in this position 4 years ago I'd have said they were having me on!

Concentrate on your tiny baby for now, as after all he comes first, then maybe somewhere down the line you'll find someone nice, all while your not looking