Husband cheated ...it seems many times.... broken....

[brokenbird]

I am in total shock - classic text from OW - he fessed up to her and then ....others!! All just sex - no emotional attachment - it is all over and felt best not to tell so as not to hurt me. I guess OW put paid to that. No protected sex with any of them and for what it's worth they are all married with kids. To add to this DD (who adores her father) about to sit GCSE's so have not chucked him out for her sake - for now and tried not to scream and shout as this will impact on her exams and wellbeing. A mothers love huh? I am in limbo between now and end of GCSE's and I'm going mad. Admit we were not perfect but thought we were OK which is why I am stunned. He has sworn never again, he will change, apologised, going to GUM clinic, counsellor booked and will do anything to save marriage - if not has said I can have everything?! Other than infidelity (which is just sex he says) he has been good husband?! Said me finding out has been wake up call. Yet if OW had said nothing he wouldn't have told me so in a strange way glad she did - and it opened the door to confessions of adultery throughout our marriage - which weirdly he didn't need to tell - transpires I know one of the OW (always was a slapper but it takes 2 I guess). Another killer is that he says a few of my friends have had affairs (yes they have but it was not my life or frankly business and I stayed out after I made clear I didn't approve) and yet I have stayed friends with them so why take a different stance with him? Did my actions give him a green light? So much to think about yet - hurting badly - I can't think straight. Not sure I want to share with friends/family either as risk truth will out to DD. Am I making sense?

7 weeks is a long time to pretend everything is ok in front of dd, I'm sure at the age of 16 she isn't stupid and will notice someth No is wrong. I know it must be hard and you want to do the best thing for your dd but it's going to be hard work.

Be prepared for him to try anything to get you to stay with him, he will be desperate and will try/say anything as he knows he has lost the most important thing to him, just remember that 'he should have thought about that before he decided to cheat', no one deserves to be cheated on, you deserve better. I know the anger you are feeling, it's one of the worst pains I have expereanced, luckily the man who did it to me wasn't the father of my children so I could show my anger by chucking all his things out the door and changing the lock, I know your situation is a lot more difficult but you need to make it clear that you won't forgive him and that as soon as your dd has sat her GCSE's he has to move out.

I would definitely suggest you get your own sti check. Based on what you have said I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

There's every possibility that he wouldn't tell you if he did have something.

what the hell do I tell our girl
Would it be so wrong to tell her the truth? Better to find out from you than through the grapevine.

I can understand wanting to protect your daughter from this until after her GCSEs, but I would be using the time to plan an exit.

He is a serial cheater and almost certain to do it again. He's sorry he's been caught, not sorry he did it (hence his ridiculous comment about his friends .) Counselling will be of very limited benefit as he doesn't really think he's done anything wrong (other than get caught).

And as for having unprotected sex - agree with PP, this is even worse than the cheating. He's risked your health and potentially that of your children if he was cheating while you were pregnant or breastfeeding. It tells you all you need to know about how much respect and concern he really has for you (and the other women in his life).

As for giving you 'everything' if you split up - he's a liar, don't take anything he says as gospel. Please get your ducks in a row and see a good lawyer.

I'm so sorry OP, for what it's worth you are doing the right thing by your daughter, try to let her get her exams out of the way and then tell her - personally I would tell her the truth or she may not fully appreciate why you don't want to live with her Dad.

In the meantime get all your ducks in a row and perhaps see a solicitor to be as informed as possible. The risk that you run by delaying is that he will convince you that he is a changed man and the shock that you are feeling now will lessen.

Oh and yes, I'm another one whose ex said I can have x,y & z and that it will be amicable....... that didn't last long.

Oh no lizzyj4 didn't think of that but I would have been breastfeeding ...feel even more nauseous now....

So sorry brokenbird. I've had something similar happen and for me the unprotected sex was the final straw - I just couldn't get over the utter selfishness of risking everyone's health like that.

As PPs have suggested, I think you need to get fully checked out for STIs, if only to put your mind at rest (especially if one of these women is 'a slapper', as you say - if she was having unprotected sex with your dh she would be doing it with others too).

How could you trust him to tell you the truth about his GUM results?!