Hi, I'm just posting on here to get a bit of outside perspective on my current situation. Long post I'm sorry!
I have a 15mo with DP who is 12 years older than me, we have been together for 4 years. We live in a small flat which feels is becoming increasingly smaller with a growing toddler. We are currently exploring our options and looking to get out into a house as soon as we can. DP owns the flat and is in negative equity currently so it isn't a quick fix.
Although DP is a good person and I know he loves me I often feel as though I deserve better. He can be really selfish, thoughtless and downright grumpy at times. I'm a naturally affectionate person and I crave intimacy and affection, which I feel I don't get enough of from him. I'm a romantic at heart and DP is definitely not, although used to be when we first met. We are very comfortable and close with each other and I can tell him pretty much anything, but he often fails to understand how I'm feeling about our relationship and plays it down and tells me I'm being 'ridiculous' without really seeming to give it anymore thought. It usually always ends up in an argument. I feel we misunderstand each other alot these days.
I feel utterly miserable, and I feel guilty that I often imagine my future with someone else (an imaginary theoretical figure!) or feel jealous of friends who have partners that seem as if they would move the earth for them. DP has said I live in a fantasy land during an argument and that things won't always stay like 'our first date'. I know this but feel as though he has given up making an effort or even trying to relate to me.
I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and have been given ADs which I have started taking today.
I can't tell these days if it's my depression making everything seem worse than it is, or if I should really be accepting that DP and I are not right for each other. He has said today he will make more effort and that he loves me and needs me etc etc. But I've heard it all before and tbh I don't really think he has a clue what the hell I'm on about when I talk about why im unhappy in our relationship. He is a brilliant father to our DS and I know he would be absolutely devastated if I were to break up our family. I know we mean the world to him, but he rarely shows it. I can't tell what/who is right anymore.