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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling lost - narcissistic DH and Father!

3 replies

beachbaby18 · 01/05/2017 14:59

I am feeling so lost and alone. It's like I'm drowning except nobody notices and I can't tell anyone as I don't have anyone to tell.

First problem (sorry if this is a long post) is my narc Dh, we have two DC, youngest just turned two years. (A very young two yrs, not talking much, still breastfeeding and generally much more clingy than eldest who grew up quickly). We live in a joint mortgaged home which my DP invested in quite heavily in order for us to renovate it (it's still not complete!)
I have told DH that I can't carry on in our marriage as there is no kindness, he of course blames me and has been trying to do more but still has vile outbursts when things aren't going as they should or the way he wants things to.
I find sleeping with him difficult and I use every excuse going and he reacts very badly, shouting and accusing me of not being a proper wife. He doesn't touch me other than when we have sex.
I have told him I want to separate but he's ignored it all and just carries on as normal. It's like I've not said anything and when I bring it up again he says I'm looking for an argument!
This brings me onto my parents. My dad is also a narc and uses every opportunity to have spiteful digs at me and my DC. Usually insulting our looks or character. I am trying to have limited contact with him but this effects my mum (who has enabled his abuse but is very kind and loving to me and DC)
I have no where to go, I can't leave marital home as my parents gave us a large sum of cash (no written record/receipt) with the agreement we pay it back when renovation completed. If I leave they will lose their money.
I also can't bear the thought of not being with youngest for a night (we co sleep, he's breastfed and DH has NEVER got him to sleep or got up with him in the night).
I feel stuck with no one to talk to and no options......I wish DH would leave (I'm sure I would miss bits of him but the tense atmosphere would be gone!)
Thanks for reading, not sure what I expect from posting but it just feels better sharing my shit life.
I'm tired of being put down and treated badly, I would love to laugh again

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 01/05/2017 15:02

OP, you don't have to put up with this. Stop sleeping with your husband, stop having sex with him, and tell him that your marriage is over.

He can leave if he likes. If he doesn't, you can live separately in the same house.

How long until the renovation is over?

beachbaby18 · 01/05/2017 15:06

Think the renovation could take another six months but then it'll take about two years to pay parents back unless we sell and pay them back on a lump sum and have no equity. I'm worried DH will back out of paying them back as there is no formal agreement snd if we are no longer together he's got nothing to lose.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 01/05/2017 15:29

Your father is abusive towards you and your children. If you divorce and get half of the assets, you can pay your father your half of the amount. The other half should be paid by your husband. If he refuses, then that's your father's problem, not yours.

Your husband can also refuse to pay your father anyway. Being married to you does not obligate him to pay.

You need to get out. This is no way to live. For your and for your children, who are being damaged by watching you be abused by your husband and your father.

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