would i be better of alone??

[lonelymumof3]

following in from my 'feel so alone and he wonders why' thread. (sorry can't do links) I have been having problems with DH for a while now, and am wondering if I would be better off without him.

Trouble is, I don't think I can afford to bring up 3 children on my own. Does anyone know how much I can get? I rang the jobcentre about it and they said I would have to fill in forms and go for an interview before they could tell me how much I am eligible for.

I don't really want to be on benefits as I hate to be seen as a sponger, but I don't like the thought of leaving my children. I have always vowed to stay at home with them but at the moment, I don't see as I will have any other choice.

I don't know how I could manage on my own or if I should stay with him?

lonelymum, sorry you are feeling this low. i'm going out for a couple of hours but will be around later this afternoon if you want to chat. i'll have a look online for you later today and get a rough idea of what sort of benefits you could get if you think that would be helpful. you're not a sponger being on benefits - just think of all these people with tax avoidance schemes and tax dodges who withhold far more of their money than you might get in benefits! also if you're on benefits you pay VAT on what you buy anyway so its not as if you wouldn't be contributing. i can see exactly what you mean about wanting things to be as they were before when things were going well with him - maybe you leaving would be the incentive he needs to try and make things better for you. I don't think financially you will be worse off in the long run, since he is not spending responsibly atm. I've never been on benefits myself, so have never had to navigate the "system" myself, but was brought up by a single mum on benefits so know that it is possible to survive!

So sorry to hear about your situation lonelymum. I have been on my own for 4 years now and I know what you are going through. It took me six months to finally kick him out but I did have a baby in that time! I was worried about letting my dd's down, about how I would manage financially and about what people would think.

I have been lucky enough not to be on benefits but I live on my salary for 2 days a week work. My exp hasn't paud a penny for over 2 years now. It's not easy but as maisystar said it won't be forever. I wouldn't have worked if my Mum hadn't been able to look after the kids while I worked. If you want to stay home for your kids you should and don't worry about it. I'm sure you've paid your dues over the years.

Do you have any family or friends that would support you?

I know it's a really tough decision to make but I've never really regretted it. I felt horribly guilty for a long time but I don't know. I'm really happy.

Good luck anyway.

curlysue, I dont have anyone who can help, so I would have to pay for a nursery or childminder.

I am glad that all of you made the decision that was right for you and that you are happy now.

I will just have to wait and see what becomes of this situation I suppose

lonelymum, have you got any family or friends nearby?

do you own your home or rent?

as a single mum, you will get help with childminders. you can get up to 70% paid for you, depending on your circumstances.

no spacemonkey i dont. we rent privatly and its in DHs name anyway

have you got family in another area?

yes...well whats left of my family....a few hours away

why not think about moving back to where your family is? if your home is rented in DH's name there's nothing to stop you upping and leaving if you want to. Not saying that's necessarily the best move btw - but it would be much more complicated if you owned the house.

Please call relate too, you need some support while you're going through all of this X

have you thought about applying to a housing assoc?Mine(ECHG.org)was asking for referrals from tenants in a newsletter ,so they might be able to help find you somewhere to move into.

yes, this is exactly what i had to do. I moved in with my mum, but she had put her house on the market and was moving abroad so I went to the council and told them I was about to become homeless. I admit, it was all pretty grim but SO worth it. Public housing is rarer than hen's teeth.

this is relates website. you can find your nearest centre or you can phone them/go through the internet. you have to pay for these options though

Hi lonelymum, I've been on my own for just over a year now. I work part-time and although I haven't got it sorted yet, I will be eligible to children's tax credit & eventually working families tax credit.
Obviously, my standard of living has fallen and once I am divorced will fall even further, but I know I'll get by.
However, don't just think about it from the money perspective. It is an enormous and very stressful step to separate from your partner/husband.
Big hugs to you.

I know that there are at least three flats on my estate,what area are you in LM3?