Need some advice

[Barbaro]

Hey I'm new to this site but in need of some advice.

I've started a new relationship with a guy from my work (big company, different teams) and its going great. Technically only been bf/gf for a week now but we've been seeing each other since February but just taking it slow (very slow) because of what happened in my last relationship.

My ex was not nice really. In reality I should have seen the signs, he wanted to live together after a month and broke up with me when I said that was too soon. We got back together but it was never the same. He slowly got more emotionally abusive, would threaten to kill himself if I didn't stay with him, would tell other male friends to stop talking to me. He eventually basically raped me as I asked him to stop and he didn't at first. He did eventually and I know its not really rape as such but it did make me hate him, especially when he blamed me for it. I finally got some courage to break up with him which followed with 6 months of begging, threatening, etc. I blocked him and before I did told him if he contacts me again I'll have him arrested. He never did and I was much happier for 2 years being single and just being happy by myself.

Onto the problem, I do get anxious about having sex again. I dont want what happened last time to happen again. But I know that while me and the new guy are happy right now we will eventually want to move on. I do feel safe with my new bf and I like him a lot, dont want to mess it up because I have some issues. He is fine to go at my pace and knows about my ex.

Has anyone else overcome this and how did you do it?

I'm so sorry you went through that, it really is awful.

I was with my stbxh 10 years and he was physically and emotionally abusive, I left him 7 months ago. You are very brave for getting yourself out that relationship and should be proud of yourself for doing that as I know how hard it can be.

But I was exactly like you, I didn't want to have sex with anyone. My ex had taught me to hate my body and said various horrible things that just made everything worse. It might not be the same as your concerns, but I was really worried about it.

Two months ago I met a lovely man, he knew all about my history. He has been amazing, he has helped me overcome so much. He knows to take things very slowly and would never do anything I don't feel comfortable with. If you have discussed your concerns with your new partner, I have no doubt he will help you overcome your worries. Just make sure he is aware of everything. I was really surprised at how understanding people can be. And just don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

Duckyisback: thank you for the reply sorry you had to go through it as well. My ex didn't say anything nasty about my body, in arguments he would usually say no one will ever want me apart from him and no one will ever love me apart from him. Its the fact that he believed he could do whatever he wanted no matter my feelings.

We are just taking it slow he doesn't want to rush either as he's been hurt a lot in the past by most of his ex's and doesn't want it to happen again. I will tell him properly, I told him half of it but not everything. I know at least he has no issues with my body and likes my personality just the way I am, unlike the ex who tried to change me a lot.