Time to split up?

[Blank0307]

Hi,
I'm at my wits end. I love my fiancé so much but I don't think the feeling is mutual and I don't know if there is a future for us.
We've been together for 6 years, engaged for 4 and have a 2 year old son.
We've had a brilliant relationship for years, brining up our son has been tough, we don't always agree in how we should parent and tiredness as let to more bickering but no more than any other couple I think.
However, the last six months something has changed. He doesn't seem to be as happy as he used to be. I've sat down on numerous occasions and asked what's wrong but he just says he's tired. The thing is there's no passion in the relationship anymore. I have to ask for kisses, cuddles etc.
About a month ago his dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer which has devastated us both. He's been quiet open about how he feels about it which is good but I don't want to push any of our relationship issues on to him when he's already under enough stress.
The reason I'm taking this step to write this today is that last night he made a comment about my weight that as deeply hurt me to the point don't know how to forget about it. I'd had to ask if we could snuggle on the sofa as he was just watching tv not engaging with me. He did but I asked if he still found me attractive. To which he said he wished he could feel the "real me" when he hugged me and not the fat. I'm a size 18/20, I'm not happy with my weight but I've been this size since we first started dating. He said my curves were the reason he found me attractive.
Anyway, I got upset and asked what he wanted me to look like and he said I'd look better if I dropped a few dress sizes.
I'm now so confused, I don't feel like I can break up with him, not when he's going to need the support. Plus, I really don't want to. It would break my heart and our son's.
How do you know when a relationship has just run its course?

Hi op gosh how horrible was that im no expert & sure more wise MN will be along soon to help and advise but a relationship isn't about your weight. That was a cruel thing to say you've given him a child and been together for a long time at this weight as you say so why now should he feel he want you to change? You are who you are and tbh sound far too nice to be treated like that.
Good luck hunny don't listen only do what's right for you & your dc x

I am sorry that he said thise things to you. I am bigger than you but was a size 10 when we met, 24 years ago. Nith dp and myself recognise that we are both overweight and its not healthy so we are adressing that. So if I were to ask my dp if i needed to lose weight he would absolutely agree tgat i do. BUT he still finds me attractive much to my consternation and tells me so often.

For him to say what he said to you speaks volumes im afraid. I think you need a nake or break conversation but this is not to do with your weight.

He's been honest. He hasn't attacked you or said spiteful things. He said he'd like to feel the real you and to drop a few dress sizes. How much more delicately could he have said it. Maybe that's how he truly feels. What's wrong with that?

Plus he's struggling with the health of his dad. He seems deeply depressed.

I think he's been honest & hasn't said it in a goady way.

I once said something to my husband about he could do with losing a bit of weight as I didnt find it attractive and he has never forgotten iteven though i said it once! and it was because I felt he was crushing me during sex To be honest I meant it but can see it was unkind, especially as I am no skinny minny (was size 16 at the time) now a 16/18. I would laugh it off , but maybe try and lose a bit if it bothers him that much its affecting your relationship.

But if you were that size when you met, why is he expecting you to change now? Its fair enough if your partner piles on the weight after a few years and you no longer find them physically attractive but this isn't the case. He's been a dick.

I agree with the last poster.

Whats promoted this change?

Do you want to drop a few dress sizes?
If so go for it but only because you want to.

Hi, Thanks everyone. I guess I need to sit now with him and have that make or break talk. I hate the fact that I'm doing this to him when his dad is ill.
Should I just try and forgot about what he said?