I dont think I'll ever get over this

[Sickofthisalready]

Ex left 10 weeks ago for OW. We have DS age 3, so cannot go NC.

Since he left its been a complete roller-coaster and he really did treat both of us like absolute shit, but things have now settled down and he's sticking to the contact arrangement with DS.

I just cant seem to get over it. We were together 10 years and own the house jointly which im still in.

No matter what I do, its just not getting any easier. I am so unhappy and lost. Recently he started being a lot more friendly, invited me for a drink with in laws (who asked me if there was a chance we would get back together), met up with one of my family, has asked if he could stay at the house one night, answered my calls and texts immediately, called for no reason and commented that id changed and started doing all the things he'd always wanted me to.

All of this made me think he was regretting leaving and maybe an announcement that he wanted to come home was about to happen. He has always maintained that he only see's OW one or twice a week and I know this is true due to his contact arrangements with DS. But he is still seeing her and its killing me.

I find myself obsessing about them. I cannot deal with being replaced so quickly and easily. I cannot deal with him choosing an OW over his DS.

I just dont feel any further forward than from day one. He is on my mind 24/7. I am so sad that my DS no longer has his daddy here, and for all the things we will never do together like take DS on holiday etc.

I do have days when I feel stronger and think im not going to let him break me but I also have some very dark days, when if it wasn't for DS I worry what might happen.

Is this normal, do I need professional help?

Thanks everyone, ive woken up this morning to missed calls and texts from him asking me to transfer him some money to get to work!!!

He came to see DS last night and told me his dad had told him to move out by the end of the month, so he will now have to find a house share or move back in here!!! I told him over my dead body as that would confuse the hell out of DS. I think he was joking!!!!

Although his life is falling apart, I imagine he's still happier than I am as he still has OW.

Don't bet on it. He's made his bed, time to let him lie in it.

Are you married? Or are his debts his alone? I hope you told him to get lost and haven't transferred him any money!

What a selfish selfish man. You have given everything you have to get get through the first few years of your sons life and what has he done? Thought about no one but himself and screwed you over! And now, despite the fact he presumably knows how hard things have been for you, you're supposed to help him pick up the pieces? Selfish.

Sorry you're going through this. I agree, minimum contact is the way forward, honestly, this is the only chance of coming through this and getting over him. You need to be firm about this and stick to your guns. Do you have other help and support. What ever you do don't use him as a crutch for certain situations, I know it's easily done but it's not good for you. You deserve better, you really do. Best wishes.

No not married, he was married before but left his wife when she was 3 months pregnant with his first son that he's never met!

His debts are entirely his thankfully. All of
my money goes on DS, food shopping and the house.

He asks me to lend him money on a regular basis as he says OW hasnt got any. More like he doesnt want her to know about his diabolical financial situation!

There was the first major red flag.

So, have you any ideas of what plan you have to move forward.

This site has a US bias but there is a lot of sage practical advice, as long as you are discerning.

You will also be able to see how similar these situations are. He may well want to come home actually: they often do.

For the time being, read information on what they call the '180' on the site.

www.survivinginfidelity.com

Don't give him any more money. He's an adult, he needs to take responsibility for himself.

You're sounding much stronger now. Good for you!

God, the front of him asking you for money.

I'm glad he did though. I think you are beginning to see him in a new light. You sound much stronger today. You are doing well.