Hi
I'm married with three kids 7, 4 & 15mths. I've been married for 8 long years.
I've never got on with my husband's family. They show minimal interest in the kids and his dad is so horrible. They don't live locally and we thankfully barely see them. But we do have to go visit them throughout the year & stay for long weekends (they rarely come to us and I always invite them but they never can be bothered). I absolutely hate it, but I do it for my kids so they can see thier grandparents. My father in law always manages to upset the kids when we go. Last time he grabbed hold of my 4 years olds arm & wouldn't let go & really hurt him. When I stepped in he said he was jst playing but my son was so upset. My 7 year old happened to stand in front of the TV by mistake while the football was on... literally for a few seconds...he didn't even realise & my FIL said "do you want to die? MOVE!" ...he even told me on my wedding day that I didn't look nice while we were having the family group picture taken. He's horrible and every time my husband sticks up for him by saying 'he didn't mean it' & I get so sick of it. It's eaten away at our marriage because he's never stuck up for me or our kids. I'm full of resentment when I have to go there and stay with them. My kids say 'why doesn't grandad love us?' it makes me so angry. There's so many more examples of things that have happened I can't go into all of them.
He text the family 5 months back that he has blood cancer. He said the doctors have told him that there's an abnormality in his blood cells, they've investigated it and it's cancer. He's a strong man and looks healthy & is carrying on with an active life, he's away on holiday now. They're keeping an eye on his blood levels & so far his levels are very good. The prognosis is that it could be good for years, that he might not need any treatment at all for another 6 years or so 'if' they stay good. He just gets days when he's really tired so he takes it easy. I'm not downplaying his illness...this is what he's been told. It's awful he has cancer, & I feel terrible for my husband.
Obviously my husband is upset he keeps bursting into tears & when he does I comfort him...I told him I'm here to support him. If he needs to go visit him to spend more time with him then he must go. I've told him I'm here to talk when he needs to...
Trouble is, my FIL is horrible, but now he's got cancer...of course he can behave in any nasty manner he likes...& If anyone says anything...my husband says 'but he's dying of cancer!'...all of a sudden he's a saint...and we need to go visit more often - which I do understand...he's his dad....but god I can't take going there more. The thought of spending more time there makes me feel physically sick.
I suffer with pnd and I get zero understand from my husband ( even before the news of his dad) I get nothing...and it sounds awful, but I can't take 6 years + of this. I'm awful for saying it but there....I've said it...I'm gonna go out my mind with it. I haven't said any if this to my husband and today my husband was so nasty to me - I told him he's becoming his dad...a bully & he said...' but my dad is dying' and I said I'm his wife and I've had pnd twice and I've never had any support from him. He jst told me I'm moaning. I've been diagnosed with it twice I was on antidepressants last time & am on a waiting list to see a therapist this time. I hate being married to him because he's becoming his father. Our marriage has been like this for a few years now. We row because he's jst plain rude to me. I do EVERYTHING and it's never enough and whenever we have a disagreement the first thing he'll mention is that I'm an awful wife, I don't tidy enough & my parenting is awful. I told him today i want to seperate...and he said 'my dad has cancer and you're saying this to me!'
I needed to write this because I can't take this for however long, I know I'm being selfish because his dad has cancer but I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel sorry for my kids, I don't want to let them down.