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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In the last MONTH - father and friend have died - and husband has also decided to leave me! Feeling miserable.

12 replies

Springcherryblossom · 30/04/2017 19:16

I honestly don't know which one is worse.

My husband got cross with me because I asked him not to give our disabled son too many sweets. It escalated into him saying that I was controlling and that he had had enough and ended our relationship.

The next week my friend became suddenly ill, and I drove 200 miles to be at the hospital. I got there and was on my own with her for an hour and she died in my arms. Can't get the image of her frail skinny body out of my head.

The week after I got the call that my father has died. He was terminally ill with cancer, however expected to go on for a good few months more. He died at home suddenly and my mum is now quite distressed.

If ever there were a time that I needed my husband it was now, and yet there has been no one to hug me, no one to be by my side. He's coming to the funerals which will be awkward, but I didn't want to add another 'drama' to others grief and will tell them later when the dust has settled.

Wow, how do I get through this?

Especially angry with my husband as he has left me over nothing. He's admitted he wasn't fair at the time, but now cites that he probably isn't in the right space to be in a relationship. I don't think that's a good enough reason - and upset that he didn't even give us a chance to talk it through or anything. We were actually getting on a lot better after a rough patch last year - mainly caused by his work stress and needs of our disabled child.

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 30/04/2017 19:19

Flowers i have nothing helpful to say but have some kindness from this stranger - i'm sorry life is so hard for you

meringue33 · 30/04/2017 19:21

Didn't want to read & run - sending hugs. My best friend died in 2016 and it was awful. Have you got anyone else you can turn to right now for a bit of support? X

Ingles2 · 30/04/2017 19:22

Flowers so sorry life is so hard atm..sending you strength to get through this time x

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/04/2017 19:23

My goodness you have been through the mill. I think your husband has acted monumentally selfishly and I suppose the only benefit of what's happened is you've seen his true colours.

Be kind to yourself, use MN as much as you need/want to but I hope you can get some support in real life too. FlowersFlowersFlowers

Blossomdeary · 30/04/2017 19:33

Such a lot to cope with all at once...Flowers to you.

Springcherryblossom · 30/04/2017 19:45

Thanks all. It is pretty tough and I also feel that I now have more to cope with - I'm now managing the kids mostly by myself and my mum, understandably, is needing me too.

I feel Iike I'm going to crack.

OP posts:
TheABC · 30/04/2017 19:52

Big hugs. Baby steps and make sure you take care of yourself as well as others. Ignore your twat of a H at the funerals - the awkwardness is of his making. If you have other siblings or close relatives, see if you can organise some family support for your mum, so it does not fall solely on you.

meringue33 · 01/05/2017 20:44

Have you got a GP/ therapist/ vicar you can ask for help??

SugarMiceInTheRain · 01/05/2017 21:23

Flowers Your husband has been unbelievably selfish and the timing of everything coming at once is awful. Are there other relatives who can support your mum? Telling them what's going on will hopefully mean they understand if you have to take a step back from caring for her at the moment. You must be reeling. Sad

MrsSiba · 01/05/2017 21:33

Your husband's reason for leaving seems so trivial in the general backdrop of what is going on. So sorry to hear how tough things are for you. I hope you find some support Flowers

honeyroar · 01/05/2017 21:35

I haven't much useful to say, but just wanted to give you a virtual hug. Your husband has chosen a spectacularly thoughtless time to show his truly selfish side. Try and surround yourself with people who care, your family and real friends. Have you got any friends that you can lean on through all this? You sound as though you're supporting a lot of people, try and get support yourself. I personally think you're very kind not telling people about your husband's actions until after the funeral, I'd probably tell everyone and let them judge him, but you're a better person than me!

Hermonie2016 · 01/05/2017 21:43

Just get through the next few weeks and try not to focus on your marriage.Is he still living at home?

Can you find someone to talk to, perhaps Cruse.Bereavements take time to process so be aware you maybe running on adrenalin now

Lean on your friends and do whatever you can to make life easy for yourself as you need to look after yourself.

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