My stupid crush....come and sort me out please

[Mikethenight2good]

Before I start, I am married with a young family. I have never, and will never cheat on my husband. I grew up with a parent whom had affair and it was horrible for all. 30 years on we still live with it. I struck gold when I met my husband. Below is not some stupid affair about to start. It's a stupid crush. And I seriously need to get over it.

There is man whom is working on a project for us, and I have developed a stupid crush. He is seriously fit, he actively listens to me, comes up with solutions to problems and very successful in his line of work. He also treats me and the children respectively (where as in the past previous people who have worked on our projects haven't).
I find myself acting like I am 13 again! I found myself disappointed that he wasn't on site today. I am conscious of what I wear, how I look. I find excuses to talk to him. It's ridiculous!
I would never act on it. Never. But I do need to stop. I don't want to be making a fool of myself.

So come on peeps, sort me out. I can't talk to anyone in RL about this.

Leverage it!

When I started my first job out of uni, I developed the most ridiculous crush on my supervisor. I was working my arse off to impress him, even though nothing was ever going to come out of it (we were both married at the time and I doubt he ever fancied the graduate trainee). I got so impressive that less than a year after graduation, I was poached by another company that worked on the same project. My crush earned me a job at a prestigious consulting firm and an instant 30 percent salary bump!

Having said that, I totally would have swapped both for both of us being single and him being into me at the time.

Mikethenight2good so that's what's really going on - have you thought about getting some marital counselling? Wish I'd done that earlier before things got to the point of no return :(

I totally understand OP...My office crush turned into more, I was single he wasn't (he had a child too). It started off as attention which I loved as I was going through an awful divorce my confidence was in the gutter. He was like a drug .... he used to make me howl with laughter.
I didn't think it would turn into more then one drunken works night out.... he kissed (yes he made the first move) me out of the blue then left to go home.

Then the messaging and flirting and jokes really started. We ended up having a full blown affair even having sex at work (quiet part of the building) during the day which seems crazy now and feels like it wasn't me at all. But definitely added to the excitement. True feelings developed I got the wake up call when I saw his GF and him and son at a park in the distance I finished it after 9 months and it broke my heart and his..... 6 years on we still text occasionally and the feelings are still there, he's gone on to have more children. He keeps trying to tempt me back but I've been strong and said no.

OP my advice is don't tip you toe in, I think I got off lightly as was never found out but it still hurts to this day that I had to walk away.

Blimey this message could of been from me. I've been Googling about relationships etc and found this thread. Joined Mums net just so I could comment.
I'm "indulging" in a bit of a crush myself - and know I need to stop it now so I've been looking to the Internet for advice.
In my case I've been friends with this guy a few years - then last year while he was doing some work on my house I fell for him in a big way - nothing ever happened all the fantasies going on in my head for a while. All very innocent stuff. Fast forward to now and I've started working for this guy so our paths are crossing more often - and now he's started flirting with me so I now know it's not all one way. We share flirty text conversations and he's very complimentary but that's as far as its gone. I have no intention of going any further but am so acutely aware of him ALL the time (he's just text me while I'm writing this even!!)
My husband also knows this guy - and really likes him as a friend - obviously has no idea of my feelings .
I'm just in a mess right now and sorry for the long post - but this seems an appropriate place to share!

Thanks to everyone that has responded. So being the complete moron that I am, I bloody unblocked him on social media (weak fool) and went to block him again and you have to wait 48 hours to do so. And he is being tagged in loads of pictures with him and his gorgeous girlfriend. I know it serves me bloody right but feck I want to cry.

I don't think I have limerance. I did Google it and actually when I am at work I don't even think about it. It's when I am not mentally challenged my mind is distracted. P

Autumn & notmyreal name I am definitely not strong. If i even got a hint he was interested or made even a pass I am not sure I trust myself. But I genuinely think he doesn't see me in that way.

kitty when we move back to our home In The Autumn I am going to get myself some counselling. This is creating quite a lot of conflict with me and certain traits that resemble my dick of a father.

Autumn & Doogie you still got it girl! I want go be asked out by a god (or do I???). Autumn that was pretty strong going that you went home. Doogie be careful. Reading some of these ops and others is quite a eye opener. It's not all hot sex and excitement.
I read on another thread about this lady, who had a affair. It was fun while it lasted but it became volatile due to the nature of her being married. It really messed with her head whilst trying to keep a lid on it so her partner didn't find out. She looks back at old photos where her happiness wasn't forced and wish she hadn't started it. I can't remember the exact post or even her name but it was her post that was my reality check.

Tequil

I have been in an almost identical situation and have never spoken to anyone about it in RL . Can I ask how do you feel or get on now with him if he keeps trying to restart things?
I find it strange as in my case we are actually quite good friends that chat every so often then mutually take a step back to stop anything happening again. Our physical connection was unreal and due to travelling for work only happened a few times but over a number of years which makes it feel different somehow.

Mike I remember the thread you mentioned to but cannot remember the name to search it was a good read.

The best thing abut a crush is it takes my mind off a previous crush !

yes I strongly agree with others that if your marriage needs work you need to focus on that (have a serious talk with your dh), try to spend lots of time together doing fun stuff, make plans together for the future so you've got something positive to focus on.

I allowed myself to indulge in a work crush and it was all good fun until one day he kissed me and now it's fucking complicated.

Coldteddy

Lilyrose
It helped that I finished it when he had already moved location with work. He moved back to my work location a few years later and it was just like a friends relationship with mutual respect. But the connection is still there we could talk about anything and he's given me good advice with my relationships since him, he genuinely cares for me and we both know we can't be together. He's made me promise if I meet anyone I don't just "settle" for anyone....he wants me to be happy. We both know we could be there for one another if we needed it.

Thanks Mike - yes I know I have to be careful - for everyone involved and I really don't intend doing anything - hence searching the net for advice. This doesn't make the feelings any less real though does it - and god.... it feels good!! LOL
Have a feeling its just going to be me that gets hurt as I know I have to do the right thing and forget this "flirtation". We're going away on a family holiday in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping I can take this time to "reconnect" with hubby and my brief infatuation with the other guy just dissipates. Wish me luck!

Whatever you do, don't tell him!

Can you try to redirect it elsewhere i.e to your DH?

I know exactly how you feel I'm having the same thing lately with my personal trainer haha before I started training I looked at his pictures (to make sure he wasn't a Greek god meaning I would be embarrassed being a struggling sweaty mess around him) thought oh it's ok he isn't that hot... fast forward to seeing his muscles bugling every week im now fantasying about him helping me do sit ups naked 😂. He messages me quite a lot (all innocent training related things) but it does make me smile when his name pops up 🙈

Tequila

Thanks for sharing , its such a difficult scenario Ive never spoken to anyone who has experienced similar. Once a year or so me and my crush will have some weird in depth conversation about "us" but while he admits we are good friends I think he would be interested in just the psychical if that was on offer.

I also now have the most ridiculous crush, think neighbours or best friends husband or my sons friends dad I see every day on the school run ! For me it is linked to where I am in my cycle and I try to redirect that to my dh or positives for me . I have about 3 stone to loose so try to use it as motivation to look after me and take care of myself

We went on a family holiday a few weeks ago and it worked like a dream I never thought of my crush once and then within seconds of getting home was already looking out for him

Lily rose
Oh dear 😂😂 you've got it bad...I think you need a longer holidays!!

Sorry OP we've all hyjacked your thread with our "crush" experiences 😊. I suppose it makes you realise your not on your own with trying to fight temptations .... cos lets face it and be honest we are just one step away from an affair.... this is how it all starts .....think girl power everyone and "lead us not into temptation"....etc

I'm now thinking back to my personal trainer 💪🏿💪🏿💪🏿 (that's your fault lily rose 😩

Sorry I meant superheroes not lily rose

@Doogie72, stop texting him

Tequila actually this thread has been great for me. It has made me see quite a few people are going through the same thing and what I need to do for myself to sort my head out. I am very gratefully for all that have posted on this thread. X

Promise to respond properly soon, currently being held hostage by small people demanding breakfast!

I'm so glad I found this thread! Starting to feel much more "normal" already. Good to know others have had similar experiences so I'm clearly not the evil non caring wife I was beginning to think I was.
Nightshirt - I can't stop texting him altogether as I now work for him but we have both been trying to keep it all business this week so that's a start.
AutumnRose - what a deliciously naughty thought!! However that would be opening Pandora's box wouldn't it?? And No-one's flamed you yet - there must be others out there who have had the "one off snog" and got away with it?? Daren't risk it myself!