Are you a survivor of childhood abuse/neglect? TRIGGER warning

[splattybumpscious]

I am and I just feel like reaching out to others this morning. It's hard isn't it? The deep psychological scars that get left behind. The lost family ties. The feelings of inadequacy. The pain. I had surgery on my vagina as a child under general anaesthetic but I never knew what it was for? All I remember was the incredible pain when I woke up. I was 9 at the time. Two months ago I finally got hold of my childhood medical records (I'm in my 50s now) and I now know what happened. I had an 'EVA' - electric vacuum aspiration... I feel like a zombie some days. I ended up walking away from my whole family. My father was never charged. I still quake with fear even now. I'm up for a hand-hold if anyone's out there...

Very sorry for you situation. Have you had counseling?

Yes I'm doing bucket-loads of therapy. It's what keeps me alive.

Me too to abuse not surgery
It crops up in the most unexpected ways. I'm mostly fine but after being physically and sexually abused have terrible reactions to shock pain. I become disorientated and angry and agressive, my brain flashes back to injured child and I'm awful for 5 minutes.
Take each day as it comes op

I'm so sorry. I hope your therapy is helping you process what you've recently discovered.

This is incredibly brave of you to post. Yes, it is hard but as you progress through the thereapy the hard days will become less so and you'll see yourself as the strong and incredible woman that you. I don't know about you but I used to define myself through the terrible experiences that I had as a child. I don't do that anymore (thanks to thereapy) and life is opening up to me now. Keep going sweetheart, you are braver than you think 💐

So sorry for you op.
The little girl in you needs to be healed. Only since having my precious dd 2 yrs ago am I starting to heal the little girl in me. Lots of love and support.

Hand hold from me.

As pp said, the little girl in you needs to be healed. To have all that trauma and damage acknowledged, and to be loved and cared for.

Love and peace to you.

Yes, I am triggered suddenly, more often than I would like, and react accordingly with not much control. The memories are still fresh 50+ years on [with even more layers on top], I had a real number done on me and keep attracting certain types of people...without realising. So isolating as no one can relate to me.

OP I feel for you and your struggle and hope you can rise above it all and keep your head held high. You deserve peace and support after such trauma. We will hold your hand, you're so brave to post today.