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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Good friend break up

8 replies

Wonderflonium · 27/04/2017 20:11

One of my best friends let me down at the weekend. I invited her and her daughter to my "family ceremony" (wedding&christening basically) and she flaked at the very last minute. (the party was due to start at 3pm and she told me her three excuses at lunch time. The excuses were: D&V, period and no lift)

I can appreciate that it might have been difficult logistically because she doesn't drive and maybe there are money worries also in play. I did reach out a week before to ask if she was all set to come and she didn't reply until the night before to tell me about this terrible D&V fever she had come down with but that she had arranged a lift so hoped to be there.

I would have helped her come because she is important to me and I wanted her there. She just needed to let me know so I could sort something with a friend who lives close by.

There have been issues with our friendship for a year or so, so it's not out of the blue. So as not to dripfeed: she's an alcoholic and that is taking its toll.

Anyway, she posted a picture on facebook of the time where she was supposed to be crouching over a toilet bowl, according to her but she was actually having a lovely dinner party.
So, she doesn't respect me enough to tell the truth and doesn't care enough about me to make the lie plausible.

Do I just let the friendship wither or should I break up with her? I'm really not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 27/04/2017 20:13

Pull her up on it.

Ask her if her dinner party was as much of a success as your wedding.
Tell her your new life has no space for flakey friends. .

Joysmum · 27/04/2017 20:14

There's 2 ways to look at this:

  1. you're not important enough for her to make the effort

  2. she values you as much as you do her and so she must be really struggling to have let you down.

Joysmum · 27/04/2017 20:15

Ignore that...

I missed the dinner party bit Angry

Walkacrossthesand · 27/04/2017 23:22

Why do people do this? Lying to get out of a commitment is one thing, but to post a picture of what she did instead, on FB where you'll see it, beggars belief!

It's a hostile act, OP - the friendship is over I fear. I would ignore her, don't acknowledge the FB post, and if she makes contact (I can't see why she would), inform her that she lost your friendship by what she did. Flowers

Original poster
Wonderflonium · 28/04/2017 12:09

That's good advice, all. It's good to have phrases like this in my back pocket if I get put on the spot.

OP posts:
babayjane67 · 28/04/2017 14:27

My ' best friend' is a bit like this.pretty much everything I invite her to here she's got an excuse not to come.she always wants me to go to hers though or meet close to where she lives.she never seems prepared to make the effort to come here.

cafenoirbiscuit · 28/04/2017 19:16

How unkind. I'd be tempted to comment 'glad to see your D&V seems to be over' then walk away. Better friends are in your future.

LucieLucie · 28/04/2017 20:29

Her posting the dinner party status/photo on Facebook was her effectively giving you the twos up op.

She's a cunt.

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