Not sure how I feel about this

[Concentrateonthegood]

Haven't been on here in quite a while. Been seeing someone for over a year and we are committed to staying together. Our working patterns are not great for spending time together so the time we do have is important. He works in hospitality and evenings are not free but we manage one mid week evening and enjoy either dinner out or dinner in. Last night, text him about meal and he just wanted a sandwich. I asked him if he'd eaten and he said just a baked potato that the organisation cook had made him. Bit unusual given we eat together but hey ho.

He asked me to set his alarm when I left for work this morning and when I went into his phone, there was a picture of the biggest meal I've ever seen and him thanking the cook for making it for him. There was nothing inappropriate about the messages at all but why lie about what he'd eaten? He has a weight problem and since a change of job has piled on the weight so I'm thinking he was just embarrassed but I've got a slight sense of unease about the situation and a bit of a sense of being pissed off that we weren't able to enjoy a meal together on an odd evening off. I'm being silly, aren't I?

Maybe he wanted you to think he was taking stock of his weight gain and was cutting down?
Sounds like he feels shit about his weight though but maybe can't manage to do anything about it just yet?

I can understand why you are pissed off because I would be too.

Why don't you ask him about the picture and explain how you feel?

I would be more pissed off about the picture and lie rather than not eating together.

My OH works long long hours and week days are pretty much a write off. Weekends is the time we get together and but sometimes that doesn't even happen. Its just one of those relationship annoyances.

Just ask him straight, but do it in a nice non judgemental way

Are there other issues in the relationship that cause you to go through his messages?

All points raised are valid. I am more concerned about the fibbing than not eating together.

I'm not aware of him ever being untruthful or keeping anything from me before so I think it's the weight issue and that is a very sensitive area.

The only problem with our situation I have is that I feel a bit low done on his priority list after unsociable work times and he still has a problem child with a child of their own so there's always some sort of drama going on.

In terms of checking his messages, I have ready access to his phone, never looked before but I guess I'm noisier than I care to admit

I would be more concerned about the fact he is piling in shitloads of weight and still eating enormous meals.......

So did he eat the sandwich as well?

I think he was embarrassed about the amount he ate and was not wanting any criticism.

I know it seems like a pointless lie, but when you're overweight, you can be very conscious of others looking at you while you eat and you kind of feel the judgement even when they don't actually say anything.

Honestly, I'd not say anything about it.

Sandy, I agree. He was at hospital and I know they mentioned it to him then so that's why it's sensitive.

Thanks all.