Help - stupid work crush!

[Chewie1000]

I dont really know how to deal with this i feel so stupid! Ive developed a huge crush on a guy at work. We used to work quite closely together and for some reason i just really started fancying him!

Its ridiciculous we are both married and he's never been anything more than friendly towards me so i really dont know how this has happened. He is also a lot older.

The problem is in the run up to a work night out we were chatting a lot - all purely friendly stuff. Then on work night out we chatted loads and i got really drunk and ended up grabbing him for a hug! Im a happy drunk and work in quite a close team so have hugged most of them- male or female- at some point so i know this isnt a big deal. However i guess cause of my feelings for him i felt totally mortified for doing it. Whats worse is that my manager started joking about me fancying him - im obviously too transparent!

I feel absolutely mortified. I know im probably being overly dramatic but more than anything im feeling so guilty for having these thoughts because i love my husband and would never cheat on him.

Since all this has happened the guy at work only emails me if it's stictly work related- no more friendly chats. I dont know how to react i feel like a stupid teenager and the only thing i seem to be able to manage is ignoring him whenever possible and when we do chat im mortified! I feel so embarrassed and cant seem to act normally. I dont want to be friendly if he feels uncomfortable and like i fancy him but i might be coming across as rude by being stand offish :(

How awkward! I suppose it is for the best though - if he'd reacted more positively or reciprocated you'd be in even more of a pickle

As you are both married, I think your colleague is drawing a sensible boundary. He might well realise you have feelings for him, and he may even reciprocate them, but his behaviour suggests he's firmly decided not to go there, or give you any encouragement. It's a shame that it's made friendship awkward between you, but if I were you I'd follow his lead.

I think it's definitely a good boundary to have - i don't want anything to happen in real life it's just a stupid idiotic feeling thay i developed. I just dont know how to get over feeling so stupid as i think he must have picked up on my feelings. I think continuing to avoid conversation with him is probably best it's just sooooo awkward: (

It sounds like he has taken the higher ground and disassociated himself from the situation.

Worried about what this says about me as a person as well, its not the kind of situation i would have expected to find myself in. I have a really happy marriage so i don't know whats going on with me right now but stuff like this is not in my character. :(

Drunk people are always honest so if you want to hide your feelings it's best not to get drunk around people you have something to hide from. I don't see why it would be awkward though to give someone a drunk hug. If it was only a hug then why feel embarrassed about it?

I think it's quite normal to have a crush that you've no wish to act on - it doesn't reflect badly on your character - you've clearly said you wouldn't be unfaithful to your husband. Time will ease the embarrassment (and sooner or later one of you will move on). Don't brood on it - have as little to do with him as possible while remaining amicable, distancing yourself is the best cure for a crush. It could have been much worse than a drunken hug!