Can you help me decide. Not sure what red flags are.....

[staryeyes00]

Set up by a friend of a friend....
A week of texting. Arranged a date. Coffee at 3pm. Long first date as he talked ALOT. Told me alot about his marriage. Other very very personal stuff. End of date I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He then mentioned 2nd date. He would cook. No let's eat out. Actuallywe could have an accidental date. (Red flag?)
Follow up text....he thanks me for a lovely first date and says let me know about a 2nd date. So I text and mention a meal. He agrees. I say I'm free such and such a date. He then didn't get back to me until 2am (red flag?)
Next day. He says as long as it's not this day this day this day I'm free. He has his grown up sons for tea 3 days a week. I had already mentioned my time is limited as my young dd's don't go to their dad's. Already he's telling me he can't be flexible (red flag?)
I mention I'm free Sunday. He says. My one son is out clubbing so I will wait for him to wake up and cook for him. So basically he isn't free. His texts are complimentary but he is always needing validation from me. This is after ONE date. Soon as I do (not overly) he disappears. He wondered why I didn't want to kiss him. Why didn't I chat much. Was I disappointed.
He then disappeared again and text back at 1am. I'm asleep.
He mentioned a meal. I agreed. He disappeared so no clue what time.
A couple of days later I hint I'm free for ma be a coffee. He texts back at 10pm saying sorry I thought I'd replied. He has been on facebook throughout the day. So I just put a thumbs up.
In the mean time he has put a facebook post. Stating something about being single. Yes he is but is this inconsiderate?
If a guy wants to date you he makes it happen right.
Do I text and say are we still on for Fri? Or leave it as if he was interested I would feel he was.

Wow! Thankyou ☺ great advice. I'm actually smiling. It's surprising how dating can get you down. Question yourself.

Only when you are dating the wrong person!!!

Dating is really all about trying out different people and seeing how you feel. This one made you feel bad. You really don't need to know anything else about why that was, just bin him off!

Ok thankyou Offred. It gets a bit exhausting. Also disheartenin. I feel like every bad experience which in my case happens alot. I feel like I become a bit hardened.

That may not be a bad thing really. I think it can benefit you to have some emotional distance with dating. Make more objective assessments of people and cut them off without care if they are not suitable.

I just need to know what I should do. He has seen my message sent 5 hours ago and since been online. Shall I delete him off my facebook? He clearly is not answering and even if he was to answer he is holding out which is rude right? Is it childish deleting him?

Delete him. You owe him nothing.

No, just delete him, block him on all channels of communication and forget about it.

It would only be childish if you were doing it for attention.

As I posted this I had a message saying 'hi I thought you were in a mood so I made other plans'
Omg what is that all about. A mood. I just didn't keep texting him back. My last was a thumbs up because he sent a text late evening saying sorry I meant to text you back. Oh jeeze! I think now I'm definitely going to delete!

Delete and block, sounds like an impolite wanker!

Stary...he's very hard work isn't he ?!!! Imagine actually dating him for real, you'd be a basket case in a week. I'm all for giving people chances on grounds of miscommunication etc, but this guy needs to be ignored and deleted. And breathe a sigh of relief, you escaped. I was exhausted just reading your description of the first date

Deleted and blocked!
He was very complimentary. Kept saying he was honest and upfront. He said....my friends tell me not to give to much away and not to be too open but I like to be upfront and honest. I explained that first dates really shouldn't be that way as you have to have a certain amount of cautiousness. He said nooooo I don't want that bla bla bla. I said well I have to be as some people aren't genuine. He said he was bla bla bla. What has happened is exactly what I was trying to explain to him happens.

Yes, true. I will be relieved in a few days!

Some people use 'I am being honest and open' as an excuse to behave badly.

So basically....we trust noone?

Trust is earned. Everyone is inherently trustworthy and untrustworthy. Getting to know someone is getting to know in what ways you can rely on them.

If you are doing dating then yes I would say do not just blankly go into things offering your trust. Don't actively distrust them either but have a realistic approach - get to know them before you invest in them in any way.

My best friend for example is loved by me but she is hopeless (ADHD diagnosed) with sticking at things and with being where she says she will be. I can trust her to always make time for me if I need her but I can't trust her to always do the things she says she will.

You clearly invested your time and energy into this guy and got bitten because he turned out to be selfish and inconsistent. The aim is to get yourself to a place where you can not invest until you get to grips with who the person is.

I am bad at that, so I don't 'do' dating.

Men like him are ten a penny, the Arthur Daleys of the dating world, shifty.

My sister likes the experience of meeting new people and is able to not invest and she really enjoyed dating before she married.

I don't think I could ever be like that because we are different people. I'm introverted, she is extraverted. I feel dating is just a waste of my time as I only really want to socialise with people who are worth it and can stray into believing people are worth it undeservedly to justify why I am spending time with them!

I think your right to delete him and block him

However I do think it's a bit weird expecting someone to text back immediately/the same day.

Not sure if you read my whole post. I'm not one to expect that.
Offred - I think I will have a little break. Thankyou for your advice today. It's really helped

He's not worth wasting any more time on. Dating, especially during the first stages, should be exciting and fun, not stressful and hard work. There are loads of men out there, so don't put up with crap from any of them.

Please listen to your gut feeling. Going out on a second date should NOT be this much work. The guy has issues.

I have deleted. I am angry I gave him the validation he very much was looking for.