have just found out dh has an EX-wife and 16 yr old daughter.someone please help me.

[snowfallinthesahara]

it has finally happened.i had always thought that there might be something like this in dh's past...bcoz we have a 15 yr age-gap and he has never really delved into his past AT ALL.he lied abt his age initially but i found out abt that,he swore it wd never happen again,we got married,have a beautiful 2 yr old..and today,thru a chance conversation with a friend of his,i have found out he was actually married before.has a 16-17 yr old daughter.and niether him nor anyone in his family ever thot it might be an idea to just mention this to me.
my hands hv been shaking non-stop since his friend left(who came over to fix a power-trip)
dh is out of town on work,yes i def know where he is..he's been transf there and we were thinking of joining him,But i Just got accepted into a postgrad program at uni.

the friend looked like he wanted to die when he found out i DIDNT know.and i actually didnt feel like myself.all my brain was telling me to do is..find out,find out whatever u can,fast.
i dont know what to do.my son fell asleep in my arms as i just stood there while his friend told me one truth after another.
i dont know where to go.what to do.i hv no friends or family in this country,altho ive lived here for a few yrs.
apparently the first wife left for pretty much the Same things we're having problems with.
as a father,he has always been g8 with our son.and now i find out abt his other daughter.and what kind of father has he been to her?i cant believe im actually thinkign abt them,but as a mother i cant help it.
i wish my hands wd stop shaking.

omg, I'm so sorry. What a shock. I'm not sure what to suggest at the moment, but try not to make any rash decisions.

Are you ok?

I'm around for a while if you want to offload a bit more, or just chat...

That must have been such a shock for you.
When is your DH due home?
It sounds like you need to have some very honest conversations.

i wonder if he has ever been honest to me in his Life.
first off,he lied abt his age,then he lied to my parents the he was staying in,house was his.which it turned out was rented-i found out abt this in my 9th month of pregnancy,when we were in the process of buying this house.then,i have to put up with hsi mother living with us-who does nothign but watch tv all day.and expects me to cook dinner,even if the son is not home.apart from that,she pretty much,minds her own business.
now he has been working abroad for the past One yr.and his only concern was his job.he didnt ring Once in the last 2 months he's been away...excuse?i always ring him,so he doesnt need to.plus he says its doubly expensive frm where he is.so truth is,a lot's in tatters anyway.

he'snot havign an affair,whilst he's away,that i know.or think i know anyway.
but he has never been honest.
i hv made a list fo things to do.
ring solicitors for making a will for this house.im on employmnt break at the moment,so no real money of my own.just profit share ill get in april and that it.

i think i will do all the admn work thats to be done,sorting out bills and everythign and just leave quickly.i cant bear being i this ohouse anymore.on the other hand,i dont hv the energy to even stand up now.
this is it.my life is over as i know it.

It does sound to me as though is not very trustworthy...

Would he have a reason to lie about all these things? It sounds a bit odd to me.

I do think getting some legal advice is a good idea. Then you can make a more informed decision. Don't rush into anything though.

what shd i do,i jsut cant think and am thinking too much at the same time.i feel totally and utterly alone.

It might be a good idea to contact CAB too. In any case, it is not a good idea to leave the house. Check with a solicitor before you go anywhere.

Do you know when you are next meant to see (D)H? Or speak to him?

Don't do anything yet. Give yourself some time to calm down a little and process things. Are you in the UK? Where are your family?

shd i ring the solicitors tmrw?wat a laugh,his Ex-Wife is a solicitor.maybe i shd and ask her,any advice of i can go abt leaving what used to be Our h.really bad joke.

this is how our relationship is...
he is-a great dad,a good son.gives me compleete acess to his bank account and i pretty much know wher he is always.
But-theres never any closeness.i had ALWAYS told him-and my family-its as tho a good 10 yrs of his life b4 never happened,coz he never talks abt it.we dont share the sort of bond where husbands Share.and joke/stories abt the past,etc.nothing.i mean this in the real sense.he's pretty much into himself..never treats me badly,but into himself.

lied abt age?maybe coz he is 15 yrs older to me(tbh,he only looks abt 8-10 yrs older,and thats why he cd get away with it)
abt the hse,coz he pbably wnated my parents to think he had acheived something in life.
HE EVEN HAD A HOUSE WITH HER.
i dont know how long they were married for.but his friend says,he admits it was his fault.
im v sorry if i sound all waffly and rambling,i dont know what to do.

what is cab?oh god.

yes im in the uk.but my family are all in the dubai/states.

i was planning on going to see him end of this month.i cant bear him touching me.we have been having terrible fights abt his dis-connectedness and lack of concern for us.
now i had uni to think of,renting our house out.and NOW THIS.

Ok, I know you have a lot to think about, but try to stay calm. There is a lot to consider...

CAB is the citizen's advice bureau They may be able to tell you a bit about your rights.

A solicitor is a good idea, but only to seek advice. Don't agree to anything yet. Just find out what you're entitled to etc.

If he is a great dad and treats you well, maybe this is something you can work out? Would he be likely to go to Relate for example, to give you a chance to work out some of your/ his problems together?

Do you think there is a reason he won't talk about his life before you?

snowfalls, just want you to know that someone else is listening and thinking of you. mamama has given you sound advice. i am also alone in the uk for 7 yrs now so i know how hard it can be.