Is it me who has the problem?????

[chali]

At the moment I have very few close friends, I seem to attract fake, demanding and selfish friends.

Example-BEST friend constantly boasting about her wealth and childrens looks,intellegence,etc-putting me down in the process. She wasn't there for me when I needed her, does this sound like I have the problem?

Other friend is always moaning and slagging off everyone she knows-I leave her company in a sad mood.

what do you think?

i dont hold on to people i dont like, i dont contact them i dont make a move to be with them at all.

i hva few close friends and yet i know plenty of people to have a laugh with.

i like to be selective.

I too have a similar problem, people always come to me when they have a problem but very few of them are there when I do (apart from a couple of very special ones)
I don't think you have a problem, they do. People like that like someone who will be there for them and often don't realise the hurt they inflict in return.

If you don't enjoy their company, what's the point.
You can pick your friends, so pick good ones!!!!!

I think custardo has it right, don't spend time with the ones who get you down or just keep those types of friends as casual ones.
better to have a few very good friends than lots who make you feel bad

Thanks,
this is what dh tells me to do, moaning one lives over the road so I'll need to hide behind the sofa to avoid her. Don't see the other one any more-miss her and feel betrayed. I sound like a right saddo-got dh and dc, this makes me happy

Do your whiny fake friends have any good points? Do the good points go some way to making up for the bad points? I have some whiny annoying friends who are also (when not being whiny) good fun/ good cooks/good for borrowing money off. Putting up with people who have notable faults is Ok when you decide that their good bits overlook their faults, but if they are lots more negative than positives, walk away.

Thank you all for kind msg,
was begining to think there was no hope for me having normal -two way- friendship.
New year promise to self was to be a nice person and not to bitch about people-so far ok but I am really aware of how much moaning people I know do.

Madamez,
I have most of my mates now from socialising with the dc and parents from their school chums. I am not working so kids are the only thing we have in common. yes they have good points but not sure if they balance with bad.

Chali: maybe look for mates who have things other than parenthood in common with you? If I diddn't get to see my friends from the days before having DS I would be wretchedly miserable, as I don't find it easy to get on with other local mums at M&T groups - and see no reason why I should, really - being a parent who lives nearby is no automatic indication of being a possible friend.

friends who drain you and are not an enhancement to your life do not deserve the privilege of being your friend - that is the way I look at it. Too many strangers out there ready to pull you down - why let a so called friend do it.

I understand what you are going through Chali because a similar thing is happening to me at the moment.

My best friend and I met through work, she is younger than me and was my boss. She was great when we worked together (she was qualified and I wasn't that might not sound important but...). However, once I qualified to the same level as her, she started to get really arsey and competitive. "I did my course in a year! One year, can you believe it? How long did it take you? 2 years.. oh dear..." This kind of chat went on for a little while and then she decided to do another course. "Oh well I'll have 2 qualifications and you'll only have the one..."

To be honest it was starting to piss me off. Now we are both on the same degree course. I am finding it a real struggle as I work full time and have my own family and home to run. She lives at home and has everything done for her and complains when I moan about my workload.

I have been feeling pretty crap lately with the pressure of it all and she comes along telling me how wonderful its going for her, how wonderful her job is etc. I managed to get a managers job recently and she then started going on about how she was being head hunted for a managers job in a nursery that had more places than mine. When I told her I had been sacked (going to tribunal by the way because it was unfair dismissal - money issues - refusing to pay me etc) she starts again about how wonderful she is and that the managers job is within her reach now. I just think she is being totally insensitive and should, as my best friend, show a little more compassion. Maybe it's just me and I'm feeling a bit left behind. She really is competitve though.

Sometimes, friends like those are not worth having and I'm sure it is nothing to do with you, and a whole bunch to do with your "best friend".

Sorry for the slight hijack, but I do feel better for a) being able to understand 100% where you are coming from and b) being able to offload!

lazylou - she sounds like a terrible friend - I know we often measure ourselves by our friend's successes but being quietly smug is one thing and going on about it is completely another! Friends like this are not worth having.
I had a friend at work, she was my superior but we got on very well but she did used to come to me with all her troubles, anytime her man had upset her she would phone me for ages. When I lost my Mum last year and then had a m/c shortly afterwards - not even a text message. She has now moved jobs and after she didn't reply to the last 2 texts I sent her to see how she was getting on, I have decided not to contact her again.

On the other hand, 3 of my closest friends are people I have met either through M&T groups or at the school gate, I am not a very outgoing person but am just lucky enough to have found people I click with who can get past my shyness and release the chatterbox within!