Lack of bond with second child

[cazza6]

When my second child, a boy, was born about two months ago, I had serious issues as to what I felt about him. As far as I was concerned he was taking a lot of my time away from my two-year-old daughter which I resented. I just wanted to be with her and not my son. I wasn't sure if I even loved him. About three or four weeks in my wife began to make me see sense - she reckoned it was because she was breast feeding and so I didn't have much of a connection with him because I'd only get to interact with him when he woke up hungry and yelled. Since then she has made sure I have a lot of quiet time with him when he's well fed and awake and I can honestly say now I love him. But everso often, when he becomes difficult to manage, the old feeling resurfaces everso slightly. I just wondered if anyone else felt like this when their second child came along and how they dealt with it. It would be nice to know I'm not alone. Hope I'm in the right section with this.

Hi Cazza

i think that the feelings you describe are quite natural tbh.
Lots of men and women find bonding with second and subsiquent babies hard at first. my dh did.

some even go off firt baby in order to 'fall in love' with 2nd.

dont be too hard on your self and keep doing what your doing with the new baby, try and enjoy them as much as poss and the bond will come.
Also new babies arent much fun really are they!? when he's a few months older he'll be abit more 'interesting'!
(probably a highly controversial thing to say!)

he's only 2 months old? Dullsville, I'm not surprised you prefer the company of your 2 year old. I did too and I am their MOTHER!

he will get so much more interesting and less demanding when he is bigger. Plus, tiny babies' personalities tend to be eclipsed by the bigger, chattier, far-better-at-demading-attention toddlers. not to say their NEEDS are eclipsed, but their personalities get lost in a haze of screaming, nappies, chatter and feeds.

Spend some time alone with him away from your daughter, where he doesn't have to compete for your attention, and play with him, make him smile at you. It will come.

you're right bellarosa - he is becoming more interesting by the day - he's started smiling - and that sort of thing helps.
and actually I'm beginning to not go off my first baby but realise I must devote some of my time I'd usually spend with her with the newborn
initially I was frightened of having to lose the bond with my eldest but now I realise I don't have to - it just takes a bit of work

I suspect this isn't usual .. ime, you go off one or the other
My dh spent a lot more time with our first born in the few weeks after dd's birth - b/cos I was bf; b/cos ds was more demanding; and b/cos ds became very attached to him.
It took us a while to realise that I was automatically doing everything for dd, and dh never got a look in! I'm sure that things will settle as your ds gets older and starts expressing himself and playing with you & your dd!

just wanted to report back that over the last few days I have been getting a lot of smiles off the little lad (he's two months tomorrow) and had a massive revelation that there are many good times ahead - it's only natural that the early stage would be difficult. I guess it's because, being the man, I didn't think about the imminent new arrival as much as my wife. I didn't have as much time to stop and think about the scary implication of a perfect family of three being shaken up by a fourth member. Am I making sense?