Is am SO cross with dh, I fear it may be the end of our marriage (long, sorry)

[Monkeybar]

I am furious with my dh.
In the past (pre children) he would sometimes behave like a bit of a tosser in the car - racing other cars etc. I remeber one incident when I was quite heavily preg and I specifically asked him not to race another car and he did so anyway 'to show him that my Honda is better than his BMW' or whatever it was.He has just bought huge truck style 4 wheel drive thing which he needed for work.
We were coming down a dual carriageway today, with ds in the cab, on the way back from a Christening. He pulled out, then made a shrugging type gesture to the the car behind. He then pulled to the left. WHen the car behind went to overtake, my dh swerved out as if to pull infront of the overtaking car. Needless to say, the car (which was full of young lads) cut infront of us and jammed on the brakes, mouthing that dh was a prick and making obscene gestures. I said I agreed with them. They were gesturing that they wanted dh to pull over, which he didn't.
I am fuming because
1 - he behaved like an idiot
2 - he knows how much I hate it when he acts like this
3 - ds was in the car too
We haven't spoken since we got home 5 hours ago. He's now gone out. He won't talk about it and will NEVER discuss things we disagree on - he always says either 'I'm very sorry' or 'You're right, you're always right'. Right now I'm feeling that I don't have a future with a man with such a erratic behaviour.

I agree his behaviour is pratish, but surely this alone could not end a marriage?

Would he consider anger management?

Could be the final straw. Surely it is not good to look at your dh and think 'you are a '?

Message withdrawn

(I would just like to add that mumsnet have edited my 6 x down to 4 x which looks worse)

ohhh you've got a dh like that too??

I'm forever telling my dh that he's free to risk his own life but not to do when me and the boys are in the car too.

He has this ridiculous inferiority thing when drinving, always has to get in front on one more car on the motorway, can't stand being overtaken etc etc etc

I just tell him he;s atwat and to slow down because we are not in a friggin race.

argh, that sort of behaviour really makes me mad. Not sure I would end my marriage over it, but I'd probably be tempted, especially if it's happened more than once and there were other problems as well - which it does sound like there are in your case?

I don't think this is marriage ending stuff, but not being able to talk to each other might lead to a break up..perhaps it's a turning point you casn use to improve things?

LTH I think mine is a clone of yours!

There are other issues here, but each in isolation is dealable with. If I added them all together I'd be long gone

How often does this sort of thing happen with you in the car... daily.... weekly...monthly...
I can see why your so angry.. but to end your marriage?? just wondered if you drive then you can refuse to get in a car with him at the wheel.. and if you do get to drive him make sure you go really slow... that would p* him off... [childish emoticon]

Dh has just come in with a bunch of flowers and said it's his last attempt at saying sorry. I asked him why he felt he had to do what he did and he said 'I'm trying to say sorry, I don't want to go over it again'
How am I supposed to get over a stumbling block like that?

Ahhhh roadrage........yes, my dh also has roadrage. Not the 'get out and punch someone' roadrage, but the 'horribly impatient, shouting at the slightest thing in his way, throwing his arms up in the air, eyeing up some poor unsuspecting person like he is going to murder them and alltogether just too damn vocal when driving' roadrage that really pees me off. We start off a journey quite calm (good considering we have three kids in the back!) and sometimes, before we have got round the flippin corner he has verbally abused someone, or shouted "INDICATE PRAT" to someone. My poor kids are going to think that when you drive, you also have to SHOUT!!!!!!

FunMumm - probably happens two thirds of the time. Today was just really bad

That is the other thing that worries me - will ds think it's okay to bahave like that towards other people

I would insist on driving, and not let him take the children in the car alone.
I doubt you can curb his pathetic boy-racer tendencies, but you can certainly ensure you and your children never travel with him as the driver.

that's the thing - it IS pathetic behaviour and not something I admire in any man, least of all my dh!

I have no suggestions, other to say that my stepbrother was the same, would boyrace old men who were completely disinterested, until he almost killed himself (while in a taxi drunk without children). Men and cars are bizarre. My stepdad had been a racing driver and I think he thought it gave him some kind off immunity/special ability. He even raced with his children on baord. Having said that, I have 9 points for speeding now...

Still fuming (although the flowers are nice!). Off to try and have a sensible conversation with dh. If it fails, I'm off to bed. Thanks for listening, just needed to get it off my chest

I would say something along the lines of "I appreciate that that's what you want. However, what I want isn't flowers or an apology, it's to understand why this happens and how we can stop it happening again. When you drive like that I feel disrespected, ignored, and I start to question the whole basis of our relationship. If we can't resolve this I am concerned that it is going to lead to far more wide-ranging problems."

I would also refuse to let him drive you or your DS anywhere until you've made some real progress. Do you have a driving licence?

My DH doesn't get testosterone fuelled road rage often but more often than I'd like. There were a couple of incidences in the past where I thought he was putting my and my children's lives in danger. I told him as much.

I told him that while I am not a man and don't understand what it feels like to get such a surge of testosterone that I have behave like a complete idiot to prove my masculinity, I am not prepared to put up with it if it means risking any of our lives.

I explained very clearly how things could have turned out and while initially he just got cross and thought I was doing the wife nagging thing, it did sink in and I think he felt very remorseful. And since then, things have been much improved - and even now when I can see that he's about to flare up because someone cuts him up or something, I just raise an eyebrow and he quietly seethes instead.

I would speak to your DH about this and tell him just how uncomfortable it makes you feel and that if he does it again, you will seriously consider leaving - because it means he's not prepared to get control of his emotions for the sake of you or your kids.

Wise words, Lemonaid. I'm off to try! (And I do have a licence and a car, so we're not dependent on dh)

I do hate the person he turns into at times It tends to override the person who I fell in love with

Had similar situation on slip road of M6 with my now ex, lets just say it was a bit of a turning point.

I fear that this will be a turning point for us, too. Just hope it will go better not worse