I discovered my girlfriend's Twitter account and it's upsetting me

[jinniefromtheblock]

I've been in a relationship with another woman for about 11 months now (both 27) and over the past few months I've been concerned about her behaviour. She's withdrawn loads and it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm bothering her just by texting her or asking to see her. She just seems really snappy all the time and when I ask what's wrong she just say's 'nothing, just in a bad mood' but she's been saying this for weeks now and won't elaborate.

I happened to discover my girlfriend's Twitter account. You're probably going to scold me for this but her account was on private, so I created just a false account and followed her. When she accepted I was quite upset at what I'd found. There were tons of negative tweets and there were several things that I knew were related to me (even though she didn't say my name or anything). There were things like "i can't be doing with company today" posted an hour before i was supposed to be going to visit her. There were lots of angry, depressed tweets about all the things she hates. She'd also "liked" a lot of tweets that annoyed me. For example, I love the band You Me at Six and she knows I love them, yet she 'liked' a couple of tweets that said "You Me at Six are the crappest band ever" etc. I just don't understand why she's been holding this grudge against me in secret. It's not like I can confront her either because I stalked her page.

I'm at a loss. She seems to be getting increasingly hateful and mistrustful of me, but whenever I pull away she's all nice to me again. Sometimes she does subtle angsty things like change her whatsapp profile picture to "just her" instead of "both of us" and at the same time she'll be distant from me. But if ever I ask what's up she'll make out like I'm being paranoid. I think she gets jealous of me going out with other people, but she doesn't actually like going out so I can't win.

This is becoming torture. I don't want to break up with her because I love her :(

She sounds emotionally unstable. Move on. She'll beg you to hang around, but that's just her not wanting to be rejected.

End it. Walk away

One of you mentioned that it could be that I'm just being paranoid that all these tweets and little PA jabs are actually made up in my head and I'm reading too much into things...I can't help but wonder if you're right. Sometimes I think I take stuff to personally and that I should relax a little and every time she ignores me or changes her profile pic etc, I shouldn't immediately think it's about me. I'm just not sure.

Regardless of social media, if she's not ok with you, get rid. Life is way too short to put up with being badly treated

Are you really 27? It sounds like you're both 17! As bad as each other. Leave her and move on, you're just both seeking drama. Unhealthy.

I dunno. I have been here with someone who behaved similarly. Towards the end of that I think I WAS getting paranoid, reading far too much into stuff that was really just existential gloom and not about me at all. So in that sense previous poster may not be wrong.

But the question I asked myself in the end was, am I similarly paranoid with other people in my life, and have I done this with previous partners, and the answer was no. Most people who love you will do enough regular cherishing/other emotional work which means you don't end up questioning yourself or combing through all their utterances like this, it doesn't arise

That was me who said you seemed paranoid, however I think my post comes across as more harsh than I intended it to. I am kind of biased as I used to live with someone who used to think every little thing I did was about them and it is so exhausting.

It may be the case you're being paranoid and it's doing her head in, but at the same time if that is the case she should talk to you about it like an adult and not post passive aggressive posts about it on social media, thus inflaming the situation.

You may be being paranoid, but she's fostered this feeling in you by blowing hot and cold. It hasn't come from nowhere. And actually, from what you've said, I don't think you are being paranoid. Making a point of disliking bands you love? It's just shitty behaviour! She sounds like a drama llama, and like she thrives from making you feel insecure (probably because she's projecting and is incredibly insecure herself). Nevertheless, you can't live like this, not without it destroying your confidence. Of course it'll be tough, breakups always are, but ultimately you'll be much happier. You deserve to be happier - you sound lovely

I had to re-read. You're 27? This reads like teen angst. Move on.

You say you love her, but you haven't posted anything positive about her. What do you get out of this? It sounds like she makes you feel insecure and unhappy and paranoid. Time to find someone who makes you happy!

You're 27!
Work on your self esteem and don't take crap from any woman.
If you have a good job, relatively fit and not fat, your dating prospects WILL get better!

Is she jealous of you for any reason? The twitter stuff sounds
Like she's full of bile towards you for some reason but knows that she's being unreasonable so is posting it privately rather than saying it to your face. Jealousy is the only reason I can think of.

But whatever the reason, this relationship is not worth it - there is someone better for you out there.

Stop texting. Pull back and if she questions you, tell her and give her examples of how you perceive her behaviour.

Tell her that those behaviours towards you, make you feel she's not interested any more and that's why you have backed off.

Do not let fear keep you in a lousy relationship, that no longer meets your needs.

Why are you even bothering to talk to her about all this?? You're a grown man and it's time to start acting like it. Walk away and never look back.

Bin her off. She sounds hard work. Fuck that

I'm sorry but 11 months in and they're being moody, using secret twitter accounts to make passive aggressive digs at you and blowing hot and cold? That isn't love, it's dysfunction. Give your head a wobble and stop partaking in all this nonsense. Just because you 'love' someone doesn't mean that staying with them is the right thing, if it's making you miserable.

This defo sounds like far too much hard work. I also personally hate passive aggressiveness on bloody social media!

I think you deserve someone who's honest and upfront with you - your GF sounds like a child.

Also YMA6 are great so I'd dump her for that alone

She sounds like somebody with a personality disorder to me.
I think you need to let this one go, these types of people are incredibly hard to deal with, they will want your attention and affection one moment and then shut you out with no apparent reason the next. It's like a cry for help, it's mentally exhausting. She's already doing this to you.

What do you love about her? I can't see one redeeming feature from what you have posted. She sounds like really hard work. Why bother? There are loads of other women out there. Why hook yourself up with this moody cow? Uugh. If she's this nasty to you after 11 months, I wonder what she'll be like in 11 years? DUMP.

The first step to destroying your self esteem is to spend your relationships wondering if you need change yourself to make the other person - and consequently yourself - happy. If you need to do any working on yourself (doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you to me!), that's the kind of thing you need to be thinking about when you're single. Go into a relationship sure you're good enough, and happy with yourself. And if someone else isn't happy being with you, they're not the one for you, full stop. Relationships get messy fast, and that's where you're heading. Walk away and work on you, or walk away because she's making you feel shit and making you question who you are. Basically... walk away.