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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Absolutely F***ing fuming

40 replies

Ilovepeppa · 23/04/2017 15:05

My DH of 13yrs announced to me 6 weeks ago that he had a ONS whilst on a work trip. You may have seen my last thread "do I forgive a one night stand"?

He was very sorry and quite tearful for the first10 days or so. However, now it's like he don't give a shit and acting like nothing has happened. I asked him we he's is acting like this and not fighting to keep our family together. We have two DS. I said that if I did that to him, not that I would, everyday I would tell him how much I love him and asking for his forgiveness until the day he did.

He then tried to turn it all around making out that I'm having an affair because apparently I'm always on my phone?? Fucking fuming!! He said our marriage wasn't great before and we only "put up with each other". How dare he turn this around onto me, making out that I'm the bad guy whilst he's swanning around as if he's the innocent one!!

We had this argument last night and I was awake all night crying. Why isn't he sorry anymore and acting like a complete asshole. For 6 weeks I've been trying to find a way past this.

OP posts:

QueenofPentacles · 23/04/2017 17:00

My ex had an affair because he had 'to care for me' and 'we never have sex'. In fact we had sex twice a month and he had the sexual prowess of a foetus and I spent my entire LIFE organising his and cleaning up both his mess at home and the fact he pissed everyone off because he was a colossal wanker.
Any way enough about me.....
Oh no another colossal wanker.
Well mine end in divorce

QueenofPentacles · 23/04/2017 17:01

PS he REALLY Was a wanker- used his dirty socks for glooping on. Foul pig

QueenofPentacles · 23/04/2017 17:02

This is a pic of his penis 8-

isitjustme2017 · 23/04/2017 17:06

Wow, what a complete arse. Of course he's trying to turn the blame onto you, he can't be bothered/doesn't want to take responsibility. He doesn't care about you. He has been apologetic/teary for what he considers to be long enough and now he just wants you to forget it.
No-one is expecting him to apologise every day of his life but this attitude is just awful and especially after such a short time.
You deserve much better OP!

expatinscotland · 23/04/2017 17:06

'And you are the past, too, because our marriage is over.'

Atenco · 23/04/2017 17:16

"I don't know op, the Requirement to beg for forgiveness every single day would be a bit much for many people"

I'm afraid that is what I think too. Mind you, you don't have to continue in this marriage, OP, either.

AdoraBell · 23/04/2017 17:17

kaitlinktm post is perfect. I would use that, word for word.

Hermonie2016 · 23/04/2017 17:20

His defensiveness isn't helpful at all however you need to think about what you need to help you heal or even if you can heal.

The trust has been broken and if he recognises this only time and his honesty will fix this.

I think blaming you for an affair is really poor behaviour and aimed deflecting.Is he being open with his phone and generally making you feel nothing else is going on?

PickAChew · 23/04/2017 17:21

I do hope he's packing his bags.

Dickhead.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 23/04/2017 17:24

What a twat.

The cheating might be in the past, but the hurt is still very much in the present.

He's trying to shut you up, dont let him.

EweAreHere · 23/04/2017 17:27

What an ass.

Sorry, OP.

It takes two to be in a relationship. He's decided to place the ball in your court, apparently. He's not going to change, and he doesn't care how you feel. You need to decide if you want to be in this particular relationship and what you're willing to accept.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2017 17:30

It"s not too late to find your self respect and tell him your marriage is over

You know he will do it again, don't you?

Atthebottomofthegarden · 23/04/2017 17:31

Peppa you are getting a lot of negative responses here!

Your DH did wrong, and knows it. You need to decide what you want, and tell him. Put up and shut up? Counselling? Call it a day? Truthfully, are you happy with him or are you are only really there for the DCs?

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 23/04/2017 17:35

The 2 of you need to start having serious talks about whether the relationship is meeting your needs. I think it's clear it isn't meeting his (which doesn't justify his behaviour or attitude).

Onlygingergothinthevillage · 23/04/2017 17:57

My ex cheated on me denied it but confessed when he got caught out. Profuse apologies but I was supposed to draw a line under it any further mention was met with ' ffs not that again'. When I left him he insisted that it was because I was having an affair with my boss (I wasn't) As far as he was concerned once he had apologised it was all forgotten about & then he projected his own behaviour onto me😡
I'm truly sorry you are going through this OP nobody deserves to be treated like this

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