How do you live together?

[whatsmyname2017]

My STBXP and I are still living in the same house. Our house is going on the market next week. I can't afford to move out and still pay half the mortgage. I could just about scrape the whole mortgage together if he moved out but he says he will only do this if his name is removed from the mortgage. I will ring the bank tomorrow but, from what I read, I have zero chance of the bank agreeing as they will say my salary (even with tax credits) is way too low.
So, how do you cope having to share the same house? He swings between being angry and horrible to being sarcastic and horrible. We have to try to avoid each other in the house. I no longer cook for him or do his washing but even that makes paying for food complicated as we have 2 DC. Weekends are the worst and I just try to get out with the kids as much as I can but we still share a car too (which is another complication).
To add to the stress, its highly unlikely our house will sell quickly (if at all) so we could be stuck in this situation for a LONG time

Yes, selling your house at an acceptable price and being able to move forward and onto the next chapter of your life would be a good scenario for you.
There will be hurdles ahead but as you get over them it'll be another step closer to your happiness again.

Here to support in any way i can.

I'm going out to do the weekly shop, will offer the children to come with me but they'll probably stay here with their dad ( who has only just got out of bed due to being out very late with his friend! ) as for tomorrow think we'll be going out for the day as we're better out than in.

Hope today will be an ok day x

Here's to a good day xx

So I've already had an offer on the house after only 2 weeks on the market. I'm just waiting to hear back if they accept my counter-offer but if they don't I will accept it.
I actually feel a bit sick and a bit teary. I know I should be pleased (and I am) as I assumed the house would take ages to sell and I'd be forced to live together for a long time.
How come now, it looks like its happening, I don't feel better about it.
The last week has really improved and think he has finally accepted we are separating. He has been relatively nice to me and very considerate and generally ok.
I'm not having second thoughts in any way, as I know I don't love him but reality is now setting in.
I'm worrying already about where I will live with the children as rentals seem to be in short supply.
I think I just need a hand hold at the moment....

Aww, bless you.

It's such a big step and only natural for you to have a mixture of emotions. What situation are the potential buyers in?

Pleased that living together has been more tolerable over the last
week.

One step as a time.... xx

They have accepted an offer on their house from someone who isn't in a chain. They are waiting on confirmation of proof of mortgage from him, then they will provide me with their AIP.
I've now accepted an offer from them but until we get the AIP's the house won't come off the market yet.
EEEK.

I'm going through a similar situation. I ended things in January, but he's still living in our house. We moved into this house end of December and are both signed in to a tenancy contract of 12 months, so he has every legal right to be here until end of December coming...which feels like a lifetime away. He's "looking" for a new place, but not really (hasn't viewed a single property yet) . Tbh I really don't think he wants to go. We have two small children. The eldest is aware something is going on, but isn't sure what. I just try to avoid him. We are civil in front of the children, but once they're in bed, we say nothing to each other. He's in the spare room, cooks and washes his own clothes but is still a lazy idle git who has no concept of cleanliness. Roll on Christmas! I'm struggling to cope with it all mentally, but there's nothing I can do but wait it out until December when I can re-sign a new contract with my landlady and he won't have a legal right to be here so I can boot him out

#Praline its awful isn't it? You wonder why he is dragging it out? It just makes things more painful for everyone. My stbxp is the same. I think he thinks that because I ended things, why should he have to do anything. I suppose in some ways he is right but, he forgets, his behaviour has led to the break up.
Now our house sale is looking confirmed, he could technically find somewhere else now but he won't, he will wait right up to the last minute. So I have another 3-4 months of living in the same house and he is still using my car (again he won't buy himself one until the last minute) and I'm just having to grin and bear it.
Has you landlady agreed you can sign alone? If she has, then at least that is something and you won't have to uproot your DC.
I'm not looking forward to that part.....

Hello whatsmyname2017,

How are things with you today?

Parlinecake123, sorry that your going through this too.

I think I have another 10 years to wait before our house goes up for sale! He is even thinking about extending the house to make a bigger bedroom for one of our children, no plans on going anywhere. He pays all the mortgage and he will pay the increased amount to get the work done on the house. Here for the long term.
I wonder what his girlfriend makes of it all? Or If he even talks to her about it ?
I am a bit suspicious at the moment as over the last few days he has been very reasonable and friendly x

Things are all very calm now thankfully. I do think he is now in the acceptance stage and I'm actually hoping he has realised this is best for everyone. Estate agent has told me its usually around 12-15 weeks for sales to go through which seems like a lifetime but at least there is an end in sight.
#user surely if you jointly own the home, he needs your permission to extend the house! I would refuse.
You can't honestly stand another 10 years?? I understand you don't want to walk away without enough money, but money isn't everything. I could have hung on another year and had some cash out of the house but my happiness was more important. I won't get a penny out of the house so will be starting again but I don't care.

So I spoke too soon. He kicked off again today, rang the estate agents and told them he's not selling the house......
I'm beside myself. He is obsessed with money and can't get his head around he won't walk away with something when the house sells (he didn't put anything into the house).
He hasn't mentioned the kids once in all of this, its just all about money. This is one of the main reasons I am splitting from him. He is now having the last laugh.

Oh no sorry to hear this.

How is everything this evening? Have you managed to have a chat with him? What did the estate agents say?

Cannot believe that people do things the way that they do. Hope the children didn't hear their dad on the phone giving that piece of info.

The situation is stressful enough without your stbexp behaving like this. How upsetting.

Yes, my situation is crazy. However I am totally focused on my children. I suppose I cannot face my children being from a broken family and all the disruption and emotions that goes with it. Never envisioned this happening, I would feel like a total failure to distrup their lives, their routine, their everything. I do realise that some people would not understand this.
To them, their mummy is happy and we do lots of lovely things together.
I am pained and saddened by what one person can do xx

I didn't see him last night as he was out when I got home with the kids. I made sure I was in bed when he came in as he would have had a few drinks. We've not spoken today other than him 'telling' me he needed the car at lunchtime. I refuse to raise the subject. He has the funeral of a close family member next week so I know he's in a bad place so I'm biting my tongue until after the funeral now.
The estate agent was lovely. I explained the situation and she said she wouldn't say anything to the buyers and to let the dust settle over the next week.
He's being all 'smug' today but I'm determined to grin and bear it and not let him get to me.
I too was worried about kids being from a broken home etc but my oldest son seems totally fine with it. He sees how things are between us and understands we'd all be happier if we lived in different house. Pity stbxp can't see this!!!
He is only bothered about money so if he continues to refuse to sell the house, I will be forced to move out with the kids into a tiny cheap flat so I can pay half the mortage. Then we will see how he manages paying all the bills, half the mortgage and maintenance to me!!

Really feel for you. Totally understand about being in bed before he gets in. It's makes it worse when they've had a drink.

Good to hear that the estate agent was sympathetic, hopefully you and stbexp will get the opportunity to have a proper chat at some point over the weekend and he will be reasonable.

Keep your chin up and rise above his stupidness even though you maybe screaming inside.

Use this board as an outlet. I find writing it down all helps x

It really DOES help writing it down. My poor friends receive frequent long ranty emails and texts from me and I always tell them its just good for me to 'get it out'. Thank god I have great friends.
I'm seeing a solicitor on Wednesday so will speak to him on Thursday. By which time I will be armed with facts and the funeral is well out of the way.
#user I hope you are having a stress free weekend and enjoying your children!!! x

I'm sorry so many of you are having a tough time with STBExs. I too am discovering what sharing the same roof in these circumstances can be like.

I told my H mid March that I didn't want to be with him any more. Since then, he has had good days, bad days and absolutely vile days. While he has agreed we need to sell up, he seems to have no sense of urgency or purpose and all his crap is still everywhere around the house. All he has managed to do in recent days is paint the inside of the wardrobe in the spare bedroom!!???!!!?

I am however, relieved that at least so far, I've not find myself experiencing quite the same awfulness that some of you have!

#Giraffey1 yes it seems like there are a lot of people in this position. It always amazes me how so many couples manage to split and one moves out straight away. No way could I afford rent and half the mortgage.
If your stbxh isn't 100% happy with your decision, he will drag his feet and try to sit tight. Just make sure you constantly push things. Arrange a valuation on the house and give him timescales you want things to happen.
I have to say this is one of the worst times of my life but I know, when I get through it, I will be much happier. That is what sees me through each day.

#whatsmyname2017 I know what you mean. I am the only wage earner and there's no way I'm moving out and paying for him to stay here and drag his feet. He doesn't have any income to enable him to move out until the house is sold. He isn't fighting the seperation (when I told him how i felt he didn't once say, but I love you, how can I persuade you to change your mind etc) but he is like a huiman tortoise. So sloooooooow!

Meant to say, it is a foul time for sure but we have to look ahead and say: this too will pass, things will get better!

#Giraffey1 god he sounds like me stbxp. He hasn't once ever asked if we can sort things out, he loves me etc etc. But is banging on about how this is not a mutual decision and making sure I'm the one to look bad...... He also can't make a decision to save his life. He's been 'looking' at buying himself a car (I'll be taking mine with me) but will still be 'looking' this time next year.

Hi whatyname2017

How are things with you this week ?

It's a bit strange here. Exphas been being reasonable over the last week and I'm beyond suspicious!

Hi #user and thanks for checking up on me. Things have been very mixed. stbxp had a foul strop on Sunday and it came from nowhere. Since then he's been back to being fairly reasonable but, to be honest, we tend to avoid each other as much as possible.
STILL no word on when he's moving out. It can't be any later than mid-June though so am just counting down the days now.
I went to see a solicitor last week just to ensure I know my rights with everything if he tried anything on. Sale of the house is still happening (as far as I know) but things a bit delayed with the bottom of the chain at the moment.
Do you think your exh has fallen out with his gf? or is he gearing up to wanting something? There is always an alterior motive, be on your guard at all times!

Hi

I do hope that stbexp keeps to the timescales for you and it'll all be done without to much fuss.
I'm pleased to read that you've been to see a solicitor. Hopefully he/she has given you some clarity on the situation.

Regarding me, I've been reading exp's situation. He has all his nights out ( which work around his girlfriends shift pattern ) written on our calendar but by last Thursday there were ' big angry' lines and crosses through everything! My
Gut feeling was that they had split
up, which they had but he went to see her last night and it's back on, again! They've 'split up' so many times.
He wasn't as reasonable tonight when he flittered in to get changed to go straight back out. In fact he was very smug, its such a head fuck!!!

Is in any wonder they keep splitting up if he's still living with his ex!! Not many women would put up with that. At least if they're back together he will be out the house a bit more though!! He must drive you insane.
My stbxp has just informed me tonight he is moving out a week on Saturday!!! counting down the days.......

Situation is bonkers! Mostly I have a calm exterior but I'm paddling madly underneath.

That's good news for a week on Saturday. It'll give you some breathing space. Only you and the children to think about while being at home. Super. Little steps.........

xx

So sorry but just need to write this down:

Tonight has been frustrating, he is going around the house whistling, acting very smug and the television is absolutely booming. Just want to yell but WILL NOT show him that his behaviour is making my skin crawl.