Am exchange between my parents has made me uncomfortable

[PotOfYoghurt]

It's over the silliest thing as well, it's not even an issue.

My mother was making Yorkshire puddings, and when she took the tray of hot oil out my father commented that the oil wasn't hot enough and it should be smoking. Mum said the tray was really, really hot when it came out and it had been in the oven a long time.

Dad told her to just go ahead, but made a comment about how it wasn't sizzling when she poured the batter in.

He then kept saying how she'd done it wrong, it needed to be hotter, it should be smoking, it should be sizzling, over and over again.

He'd say 'don't worry darling, it's alright, it doesn't matter' in a voice you'd use if someone had just lost their job not messed up Yorkshire puddings ffs.

He'd faux console her, then critique her, then console her again and critique again and again and kept going on about it yet at the same time trying to appear as if he was cheering her up, and being very kind and caring when it was obvious she didn't actually care that much about the bloody Yorkshires anyway and was more upset about the way he was speaking to her.

It just felt really weird from an outside perspective. What was he trying to do? If he really didn't care about the stupid things then why keep going on about it and making her feel bad? The whole thing has left me feeling quite unsettled and uncomfortable about it.

It sounds like a dysfunctional relationship. Although your mother has told you that your father has improved, the most likely thing is that the underlying dynamic is much as it ever was - it's just sometimes he's a bit less aggressive and she's grateful for those little bits of respite.

I don't think there is a lot you can do, beyond being glad that you got out and don't live there any more. The situation will have brought back bad memories. The main thing to remember is that you are not responsible and your job is to try and make your own life a better, happier one.

I feel guilty because they made them for me

From the looks of your OP, they didn't make them for you, your Mum did. Your father just stood there criticizing her

If he didn't like it and thought he could do better then he could've done it himself

maybe he really wanted a nice Yorkshire, not a soggy limp one.

My Dad can be similar in his comments and usually about something he knows nothing about other than seen it on the TV or YouTube .... Mom in the main has learned to ignore and if I'm there or my siblings we call him out on it in an equally passive agressive way .... Its more than enough to get him to reel himself in and realise it's good a great thing with mom and to keep it shut if he can't be nice.
Kids parenting the parent lol

My Dad used to hit my mum before I was born, my older sister witnessed all of that. When I got older and used to go back home I would witness his stroppy moody behaviour towards my mum and I had to say something. I had a good relationship with my Dad but I had no qualms telling him when he was being a twat. Thank god my mum was a strong woman, but he could test the patience of a saint. I feel sorry for your mum OP and if i was you i woukd say something next time you witness the behaviour as it sounds horrid.

It's not about the Yorkshires, it's about the control. If it wasn't that, it'd be something else. OP you can bet, given the right circumstances, your DF would act aggressively again, like he used to. He probably doesn't have the same stresses and strains so doesn't blow up as much. But I bet you he still does.

Didn't you say that there's no way anything's going to be smoking at 150 degrees??

From the OP's update its pretty clear this is not a one off and its not about sodding Yorkshire puddings.
Some posters might need to be reminded that older women deserve relationships that are not controlling and abusive.
You know, like the rest of you do.

Nope, I wade in to the middle of this shit ALL the time,. my Dad is ''benignly'' sexist and my Mum would put up with it I guess but I do like to drag my Dad in to this century. I will be doing it later today! My dad used to say things like ''I did the hoovering for you'' until I reprimanded him. He constantly has me on his case. Correcting his entitlement and his ''benign'' sexism. I also reprimanded him for flirting with a waitress a third of his age once. It was OTT and I told him she was being paid to be nice to him and he was making her uncomfortable, his wife uncomfortable and me uncomfortable and to stop it. He looked a martyr but he hasn't done it again in front of me. He respects my brother more than me though so it would mean more if it came from him.

Ah to be fair my dad would never say "I did the hoovering for you"

It's more he gets in a mood and picks at her because he knows she'll put up with it

Never had an issues with him doing housework etc.

Sorry i know its not about Yorkshire puddings but it just highlights that with that oven it's impossible to make Yorkshire puddings so they rise, so it's not about being annoyed at things not being done the right way, it's getting on at her for the sake of belittling her.

Reminds me of the storyline in 'The Archers' when Rob (controlling bully) criticised his wife Helen for her toad in the hole (again, 'oil's not hot enough, is it darling?'). For those of you saying 'it's just a Yorkshire pudding, get over it' you're obviously fortunate enough to have never encountered coercive control which is what this behaviour is. I have been there, I couldn't make tea properly, I mowed the lawn wrong, you name it. ExH is now happily controlling victim number 2 while I live a happy life making tea just how I like it!

He's bringing her down then playing the nice guy for your benefit. Ask him why the fuck he doesn't cook them instead of standing around criticising.

My dad's like your dad and my mum got away a few yesrs ago. I haven't had to see him for around 6 months and don't ever plan to see him again. It's hard to see but the best thing you can do is regularly talk with your mum to keep her sense of sanity. Try to remind her of family members she could stay with if she ever needs a 'holiday'. If she chooses to stay you have to carry on with your own life as she's an adult.

It sounds like he's dialled back the overt aggression and is using a different tactic to put her down.
I don't imagine you can take him on and change him. He's been making her feel small for a long time.
All you can do is make sure your mother knows you know and knows you are there. She probably won't leave him.

So did you say anything at the time OP?

Is it possible that your dad wanted this visit to be perfect, that he knew you liked yorkshire puddings and that he was putting a disproportionate importance on the puddings being right because it was your first visit in such a long time - a bit like a first date or a first meeting with a new partner's family and you just want everything to go exactly as planned. In which case the conversation may have been as unusual for your mum as it was for you perhaps? Not to excuse him badgering her, but it may not be an accurate reflection of how they normally interact on a daily basis.

Bullshit