"In the afternoons, I drink alone for several hours, then have a nap"

[Nockney]

This is from an email from a good friend that I got today. He is normally sensible about alcohol, to put it mildly, but he's lost a job and had a rough break up, pretty close to each other.

WTF do I say to him? I've sent an email saying I'll call, but it's a bit early. I know he's asking for help here, he knows bloody well for sure I won't just shrug at this.

He's currently out of work, and doing language classes in the morning - doing really well at them.

Its difficult confronting someone about their alcohol consumption isn't it? I know as I've had to do this a while back with a good friend of mine.

I'd been worried about her for a while and one day when I was there i decided I had to say something -she was really upset, changed the subject a bit, I felt awful etc.

I posted on here about it afterwards (as I was convinced I shouldn't have said anything and had ruined our friendship)and it seemed that MN thought that confronting a good friend in this sort of situation is the right thing to do.

Will you see him in person or wil it have to be over the phone?

It will be over the phone.

One thing making it easier is, he's mentioned pretty much only this in the email. He knows how I am about alcohol. He knows he's doing something stupid. So he's absolutely expecting me to come down like a ton of bricks.

I think that the fact that he put that in an email means he knows it's wrong and he needs someone to talk to. It would depend on why he has slipped into this routine - is it out of boredom?

I think it will call on you to be sensitve and creative when it come to offering solutions - also by raising it with him will display you have recognised the cry for help and are there to help him stop this.

Best.

I don't think he's an alcoholic yet or anything. I think he's just blundered a bit. I know he was drinking more than he used to, while with the last girlfriend.

I should add, he was seriously depressed for years, then went on meds, got counselling, and got his act together ...

Oh, ta, jofeb04, but I think we will be ok, I just need to think it through out loud.

One of our mutual friends is still in the same city, and I think I might get them to invite this friend over some, too.

It's out of boredom, and having nothing better to do, I think. This last relationship ending has really been hard for him, he put a lot into it, but it hadn't been working for years.

Hes definitely looking for your help then which is good as it sounds like he knows he has a problem. With my friend she wasn't quite ready to accept that she needed to do something about it but did shortly afterwards and is now doing really well.

Sounds like you know him fairly well -can you have a think beforehand as to which sort of help would suit him best? (Does he need listening ear like you/someone to phone and check how hes doing/ help from a group like AA/ help from an individual counsellor etc) and then have all the info to hand for him.

I think the social thing would help him most - I'll drop an email to our mutual friend, maybe. I don't think he's badly off enough to need AA or similar. Maybe he should go back to having counselling though ... will talk it through with him later.

Meant to add that my friend got a lot of positive help and support from her GP (her drinking had stemmed from her Dad being very ill and dying) -ADs/sleeping tablets/counselling but all monitored carefully so she wasn't replacing one addictiuon with another but trying to get to the source of it all which was her reaction to her Dads death.

god i was htiniking that the thread title sounded rahter nice

sorry

lol cod - I think it is once in a while but nockney's friend seems to be in a little deeper than that.

I had a friend who had a kind of life crisis and although it wasn't drink he turned to he was in deep need of support. I was not near him but I used to make sure I let him know I wa there- silly things like if I would post him a naff postcard if I saw one or sent him some tea bags - god sounds really nuts now but at the time he said it helped as part of the problems were feeling lost and alone and it helped this.

Nockney it sounds to me like he needs to fill his afternoon with an activity to replace the drinking.

For some reason I was thinking it (the thread title) was something to do with cc

I am sorry to hear this NQC. I am glad your friend has got you to talk to. Absolutely this email is a cry for help so I guess he is at least ready to look at what he is doing and perhaps look at ways to change things?

actually sensible comment from anorak - a few months doing afternoons in the Oxfam shop might be the answer!

Ah, have had another email from him - he stopped it this week, already, so that's better.

I'll give him a call later anyway.

Oh, yes, he does need other things to do in the afternoons, I suggested as much in my first email to him. I think his classes are 9am to 1pm or something, and fairly intensive, but not actually enough.

Nearly forgot to call him. He sounded ok. I will pass on the email of the mutual friend I think he should go see (i.e. the one who isn't wintering in Barbados or the Bahamas or something )