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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband speaks to son horribly

17 replies

Montydon026 · 21/04/2017 17:50

My husband thinks it's ok to speak to my 8 year old really horribly am I wrong to get really angry at this? Before he said to him 'shut your mouth' in a really horrible way, I told him not to speak to him like that but he responded 'I can speak to him as I like' - I'm still fuming. Am I over reacting, how do I handle this?

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 21/04/2017 17:51

Your first duty is to your son. That has to be your guide 24/7.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2017 17:52

Big Man he is, eh ?

PurpleDaisies · 21/04/2017 17:52

That's definitely not on.

Had he got form for this?

kingscrossnoodle · 21/04/2017 17:52

Protect your son from this arse hole.

Cammysmoma · 21/04/2017 17:59

I'm sorry to hear this, it must be such a horrible position for you to be in! I too know a man like this. I'm just gonna be cut throat here, because sometimes us mummies need someone to be straight with us. 1. You are NOT overreacting so get that out of your head. Sometimes we can all lose our temper and say things in the heat of the moment but the mere fact your posting on here suggests it's something which is happening on a regular occurrence.

You'll feel stuck because you love them both, however, your son is a child and may not be emotionally/mentally equipt to deal with this abuse, I'm sorry to use that word it's sounds so harsh but that's what it is. Bottom line. This may affect him in the long run and the last thing you want is for him to grow up and speak to people the way your DH is speaking to him now.

You've probably already voiced your concerns with DH but you should law down the law with him and tell him if he doesn't cut it out you will be forced to make a decision that he wouldn't like. No one can tell you how to handle it, unfortunately but we can give you opinions and my opinion would be to firstly speak to your little one and ask him how it makes him feel when DH speaks to him like that and make sure he knows the difference between right/wrong but that could be tricky too as you don't wanna undermine DH

Ahh such a predicament you're in. I wish I could say something that would help but you just really need to do what's best for your son and also YOU! If he is speaking to his son like that, how is he with you? X

pallasathena · 21/04/2017 18:15

He's a twat OP. An absolute prize twat who plays 'the big guy', to make himself look important as he puffs himself up and bully's your little boy.
Now, if it was me in your shoes, in your house, listening to such dreadful verbal abuse coming from the mouth of my partner, the father of my child, a grown man who should, theoretically, be mature, sensitive, sensible, wise caring and thoughtful.....well, I'd launch such a torrent of furious disgust at him he would do it again at his absolute peril.
Its a deal-breaker OP. Totally.
You must protect your little boy. Nothing in this life matters more.

Obsidian77 · 21/04/2017 18:17

You're not overreacting.
Do you want your DS to grow up thinking it's ok to speak to your family like that?

Orangetoffee · 21/04/2017 18:24

You are not over reacting. He sounds like a nasty bully. I can speak to him as I like, is that his attitude towards you as well?

Orthanc · 21/04/2017 18:25

What a prick.

Is it his son too?

KinkyAfro · 21/04/2017 18:25

Is he the dad?

8FencingWire · 21/04/2017 18:26

It was a deal breaker for me. Nearly a year later, my kid is still thanking me for getting her away from the horrible situations exH was putting her in. She catches herself sometimes and sighs a sigh of relief: out life is so much nicer, mummy!
Hope that answers your question.

8FencingWire · 21/04/2017 18:26

*our

Moanyoldcow · 21/04/2017 18:32

Dad or step-dad?

It's totally unacceptable either way, but you might put more effort in repairing the relationship with them and your son if it's dad.

happypoobum · 21/04/2017 18:46

LTB

brambee · 21/04/2017 18:59

I tolerated my husband's (as I saw it) inappropriate but not awful language towards our son for many years. Whenever I tried to discuss the situation I was told I was over sensitive and 'men talk like this to their sons'. Well, when my son was 16 he broke down in tears and told me that his Dad had called him a fing twt' and other things when I was out of earshot. My son had started to self harm. It broke my heart: I had tried to be the good wife and mother and I had failed to protect my child. We are now getting a divorce (after 21 years!), my son had therapy and is in a much better place and this awful abuse has stopped. I should have trusted my instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Please do not bury your head in the sand as I did.

hottotrotsky · 21/04/2017 19:03

Are you over reacting? Seriously? No your h is acting abusively and your duty is to protect your ds.

Angrybird123 · 21/04/2017 19:07

My ex used to talk to ds in such an angry, hostile way and lean down over him. Once I tried to explain it to him by asking how he would feel if 'dave' a guy we both knew who was 6ft 5 and huge stood right in his face and yelled at him. (DS was 3 or so at the time). that helped a bit. Honestly though this is hard. You don't want to think your dh could harm your child but it's possible and you are unfortunately in the front line to ensure it doesn't happen.

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