So long story, and thank you to those who bear with me and offer opinions
I feel like my 30 year relationship is at breakdown point, a bit about us
Me...mum to 2 DD, 19 & 16. I work as a nanny to 7m twins, 2 days 8.30-5.00, 3 days 8.30-7.00
DH....HGV driver works 5am-1pm 5 days and every other Saturday 1-8am
DD 19 works at local cinema her hours change but for a while has been doing 7pm-4am and works 5 days, but will do 6 if needed, she also goes in voluntarily to learn office side of job as there's a possibility of her becoming a team leader
DD 16 at IV form 5 days and works weekends at local theme park
My biggest issue with DH is his drinking, he's promised several times not to drink during the week but has so far only managed to cut down, at his worst he was averaging 1/2 litre bottle of whiskey a day, every day.
DH biggest issue seems to be constant with DD 19, he doesn't like her sleeping all day, despite the hours she works. He gets stressed over the state of her room, unmade bed, clothes not put away as soon as they are washed, or bed made and clothes hidden underneath, trainers often left at the foot of her bed as she doesn't have enough storage space to put everything out of sight, lots of make up which she puts in boxes and tucks behind floor standing mirror. The odd glass or mug left in her room. Something she may have tried throwing into bin but missed and not picked it up. Some of these things are annoying and I understand that but it's the way he reacts. He'll tell me it's not tidy enough, I tell him I'll speak to her, but he has this routine he goes into. Shouts the odds about taking everything out of her, throwing her clothes away and leaving her with just a mattress on the floor. He'll then "leave his shit everywhere for some other mug to clean up" that would be me and involves him leaving cups and mugs wherever he's been drinking them, leaving dinner plates in the table in the dining room or living room, making as much mess as possible while cooking then leaving it all over the kitchen.
I used to just come in and tidy up to keep the peace but it happens so often now that I leave it. Which annoys him even more and he becomes petty and spiteful and loud. He's taken to banging and crashing around to get my attention which on 3 occasions has resulted in things getting broken
Easter weekend was particularly bad, it was then followed by outrageous behaviour to both DDs on Tuesday. He's in some sort of denial as to the way he behaves but I ended up telling him that I wanted to sell the house and separate. He's avoided me since.
I'm sure he'll want to "makeup" and go back to normal in the next couple of days but I know it'll last 2 weeks tops before we're back to this point again. And I don't think I can do it anymore.
DD 16 also has a room that could be tidier and NEVER makes her bed, but that seems to be ok?