Hi. My sister phoned me earlier today to ask for some advice, but I'm a little bit at a loss with this one, and was hoping you wise mumsnetters could help.
She has been married to her husband for nearly 5 years; she is 35 and he is (a youthful) 50, if that's at all relevant. They have 2 young children. She and A. are a very strong couple, they get on extremely well, and are entirely committed. They have a nice lifestyle and adore their children. They own their own company and it is high pressure/stress, which they both cope with very well (my sister handles it a bit better than him) along with family life, and all the other aspects of a busy but essentially loving life.
Trust is exceptionally important to my sister. It really is her 'thing'. In the past, her husband (A.) has been occasionally guilty of telling her white lies. Nothing major, like cheating, but fairly trivial stuff. So, for example, A. was recently away for a few days on site, and by all accounts had a few cigarettes while there. A colleague said to my sister 'Oh, I didn't know A. was smoking again', which is how my sister came to know about it.
She asked A. about it and explained that she really wasn't bothered about the smoking (not ideal from a health POV obviously, but he's a grown man!) and would understand if he'd smoked, as the job is so stressful.
He vehemently denied the smoking, even though the (trusted and long-term) colleague saw him do it. Again. my sister explained that for her it wasn't about whether or not he had partaken of a few fags, but just asked him to be honest about doing it. He said he hadn't and that the colleague was lying.
Of course, if this was a one-off, you'd probably believe your other half, and think the colleague was wrong. However, he has been caught out with this before, and it only came to light when others brought it up.
Please believe me when I say that this is NOT about the cigarettes. That would be petty and ridiculous. My sister is lovely, and not at all controlling in that way.
It is about him lying and refusing to admit to the truth. He is extremely adept at it, and will deny it until blue in the face.
His father was semi-abusive when A. was a child, and lying became his norm in order to get out of trouble/a beating. My sister is emotionally intelligent, and understands that this behaviour was set in childhood. But A. is no longer a boy, and she is not his father, so she is finding it hard to come to terms with the lying now.
As I said, small but insistent lies have happened before, and have always been swept under the carpet because of a) his insistence, and b) lack of proof.
Of course, in one's head, these things mushroom, so my sister now wonders about other lies he may or may not have told.
He is essentially one of the 'good guys', a decent person and hard worker, who would help anyone out. He is a great dad and a loving, supportive husband/family member.
She is at a loss and isn't sure where to go from here. It's a bit of a bizarre one.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
Many thanks.