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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Swinging Into Sobriety!

999 replies

Mouseface · 19/04/2017 00:57

Hello there,

I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes travelling far and wide, stopping off here and there to collect lovely folk, just like you, for a natter all about booze and the blues that come with being a drinker of whatever quantity.

We don't wear or sell judgey pants here, although a G-string or two (Oooh Matron!) has been known to sort the fan belt out on the Bus as we've been driving for such a long time now!! Grin

In short, we've regular posters here, lurkers, those who have managed to keep their drinking to 'social' occasions, some who are really struggling on an hourly basis and some who are completely dry!

Whatever your drinking 'status', you're welcome here in the new bigger Battle Bus, (as requested) whilst we head far and wide, listening to one another, as we face each day that comes our way, whether it be good, bad or downright ugly, we really have seen it all and don't mind one bit. Lurk or chat, it's up to you but one thing you will always find, is a warm welcome, Opal Fruit wrappers (Looks at Ma bosom push up! ) and of course, in complete confidentiality. Smile

So, if you'd like to look what happened on the last thread (a bit like catch up TV) you can look at this link which will take you there - JUST HERE

And, if you would like to see where we started driving this wonderful Bus, over seven years ago, you can have a look at this very honest thread - RIGHT HERE

Hope to see you soon,

Mouse xx

OP posts:
Thread gallery
49
wemayhaveaproblem · 27/04/2017 03:42

Was on here a few weeks back. On day 5 and think I'm ready this time. Can't explain it just that something has shifted and I've committed to 90 days sober but at the same time just focusing on one day at a time in order not to feel too overwhelmed. I feel oddly excited about sobriety - does anyone else feel this?

I'm complicating the sobriety by also trying to come off anti-depressants that I've been on for over a year. Reading about alcohol withdrawal I'm learning that depression and anxiety are common side effects to withdrawal. How are others finding this? I wasn't I guess a 'heavy' drinker just had what I felt was a problematic relationship with alcohol. On my last night of drinking I had a whole bottle of wine over about 4 hours, which is a lot for me. But I wasn't expecting 'withdrawal' as such. I suppose I'm trying to work out if the increased anxiety and depression I'm feeling at the moment is down to coming off medication or alcohol withdrawal. Any thoughts much appreciated.

Also struggling to sleep but I am living in Asia at the mo and am still, possibly, jetlagged from the journey back a week ago.

Todayisanewday75 · 27/04/2017 07:31

wemay my experience is slightly different, but I was thinking I might need antidepressants but in cutting down on my drinking I have changed my mind about taking them. If I were you I would deal with the drinking first because once that's out of your system coming off the antidepressants will be so much easier. It just seems like a lot coming off both at once.

MintToBee · 27/04/2017 08:21

Claret
Congratulations!!!
Waves at a distance to everyone . Don't want to get too close and give you my virus.

Well 1 hour and counting until the power goes off.
The way I look at it, it's great practice for when the Zombie apocalypse happens.
I actually didn't get internet until ten years ago when I got my first computer!!!! So I'm sure I can cope for 8 hours. My mobile signal is shite here . It only works by the cowshed.
I have Line of Duty, Holby and both Dr Who's downloaded on the tablet.
A band I pledged to have sent me their album so I have that and I have soil to plant out my rhodendrams.And my new Rebus book. I AM PREPARED. Grin
I've also hoovered as having a messy floor and unable to do anything about it would annoy the crap out of me.
On the downside, I only have two flasks so that's SIX cups of tea . I'm berefit. My friend forgot about the camping stove and is away. So I'm armed with quiche and I've just made a potato salad. I refuse to sacrifice a flask for soup.

MintToBee · 27/04/2017 08:36

Sorry for the waffle.
The point I never got to was when I lived down South and we had a house rewired, I decamped to the pub and spent the day drinking as it was the norm. I'm so glad I got out of that place.

EasyToEatTiger · 27/04/2017 09:20

Morning all! A new day! wemayhaveaproblem, coming off antidepressants can take a while. Depending on the half life (how long they stay in your system) can be helpful to know. It is really important to take it really slowly. I have only recently understood what a humdinger of a depressant alcohol is. One thing at a time. I have noticed for a long time that my anti gloom pills really take the edge off feeling fucking awful and frankly almost suicidal when I drink, so I thought it was ok.

Have you a doctor to support you with your reduction of antidepressants? In the past, I have reduced mine by half, and kept on that for a while, maybe a week or 2 or 3, then reduced them by half again for another amount of time to see if I still feel ok, then if possible, taking the same every other day then every 3rd day, until there is so little left that I managed to stop altogether. I found myself much sharper and more prickly and my anxiety more pronounced. I was still drinking heavily and felt like megashit in the morning, really as though I wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole. I was off my anti gloom pills for a couple of months but decided that I was struggling.

I hope all's going well for you Mint and I hope you are cosy by the cowshed with your tea and telly!

I got home last night and my husband was drinking a beer. Usually this a cue for me to crack open a bottle of wine. I think there's a sort of entitlement thing going on. If he does, why shouldn't I? Last night it didn't bother me.

Flowerydems · 27/04/2017 11:59

Hi everyone, I'm still in the side car, but I've been in contact with work about going back early to do evenings, think half my drinking is boredom. Hopefully personnel calls today.

Also decided to set up my own wee cleaning business to help me focus cause I tend not to overthink when I'm cleaning which is often another excuse to start drinking.

Hope everyone's well, I feel like crap after my bottle last night. Fat, and crap. I don't know why I drink wine when I know this is the outcome but I never seem to stop.

MintToBee · 27/04/2017 13:04

Jumping on to get excited that I have a mobile signal! And it's 4G!
They must have stuck a new one up round here with the Wind Turbines.
I'm not internet less anymore. Shock

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Swinging Into Sobriety!
wemayhaveaproblem · 27/04/2017 13:10

Hi there. Thanks v much for those responses people, well done to all those making progress and for those back on day 1, hang in there.

Re the ADs I'm kind of committed now to coming off them, in that I don't have a prescription for any more, so I am just taking half doses for the next three weeks. Dont have a doctor over here so getting represcribed would be a big hassle.

On the booze front, evening of day 5 for me. Had a wobbly moment earlier when I suddenly felt incredibly bored, and my stock response to that is to liven things up with some alcohol. combination of factors the boredom: DH is travelling so I have no adult company, don't really have any proper friends over here yet and it is raining non-stop so I can't get out for a walk or run. Also DC are only in school part-time and I've got a backlog of work so every min I'm not with them I'm busy doing not very appealing stuff. But, there is a lot to be thankful for and I'm sure all these ups and downs are natural. Listened to a sobriety podcast while cooking dinner and I think I'm over the cravings for today. Feeling strong again. Hope I get some bloody sleep tonight. Good luck everyone

UnwiseOldElf · 27/04/2017 13:12

Just checking in to say Day 70 here...

Did I actually just write that?! I'm also 11 days off ADs today. I did it the totally stupid cold turkey way, but it has worked for me so far. (I have a long history with ADs so this was a calculated and reasonably informed risk...)

And hello to flowery in the sidecar. Be kind to yourself today post-bottle.

MintToBee · 27/04/2017 13:26

wemayhaveaproblem
Day 5 . Well done. You're powering through the hardest part of the journey. It's a combination of craving and habit. Hang on in there.
UnwiseOldElf
I also did cold turkey for AD. How are you finding it? I had terrible night sweats. And 70 days! I shall send you a bottle of my elderflower champagne to celebrate when it's made . It's obviously AF!
I'm just about to plant 5 elderberry trees now.

MintToBee · 27/04/2017 13:32

Flowerydems
Well done on starting up your own business. I'd hire you if you lived by me!

LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/04/2017 13:47

Hello everybody,
Elf wow! You inspire and impress me every time you post, you've done so well.
Mint get you with your 4G! Hope you're ok? Flowerey we're all here because we never know/knew when to stop aren't we? You hang on in there m'dear, being busy does help so I think your plans are wise.
Wemayhaveaprobelm Yes, I felt excited about sobriety too, it's like a huge new life change, well done on day 5, I know exactly what you mean about being ready, it's just how I felt.
Tiger yeah the entitlement thing, I get that - I used to think, well, he's having a drink so why shouldn't I? I did it with money too, tit for tat spending, daft really.
Made hope you're ok honey, Elba hope you're ok and recovering from your epic challenge, Ma hope you're well, *Flora if you're out there hope you are doing ok?

Far to many OK's up there ^^.
Margie how are you lovely?

I am sorry, I know I've missed people and it's never intentional, just so much to keep up with.

I am writing the following as much for myself as anyone else and a lot is common sense and obvious, it's not aimed at anyone, it's just something I want to write down to remind myself how things were and are now and if it does strike a chord with anyone that's great.

I drank far, far too much wine - always wine. It cost me at least £40 a week. I could never afford new shoes or a haircut, I could always afford wine.
My sleep was terrible, waking up in the small hours, often with an upset stomach, promising 'never again'
I was so used to feeling mildly hungover every day I thought my physical feelings were normal - they weren't - I was hungover.

I was impatient with my darling child, 'NOT NOW - I'm trying to RELAX' well, bully for me, it wasn't very relaxing for her to have a mum on a short fuse.

Staggering up to bed, barely scraping off my make-up and an inadequate brush of my teeth (sometimes skipped altogether) doesn't make for an attractive complexion or smile, on top of what the booze does for your looks.

Sneaking out the first empty to the bin and pretending the 2nd bottle is the first, always planning to have drink in, ice for the gin, tonic etc.
Panicking there won't be enough and running out.

Not being able to remember going to bed/getting home/the film plot - that wasn't normal.

I could go on and on and on, but kicking that wine has been the very best thing I have ever done. Yes, I will have the odd beer or gin but they don't get under my skin or in my brain the way wine does.
I feel in control now, of me

I am very aware that one slip will see me back at square one, like the smoker who quits for 10 years, has one ciggy and is right back to being a smoker. I have to remain vigilant and mindful. That will probably mean my hopes of one glass of champagne at a wedding or on Xmas day can't happen and that makes me a little sad but it's a small price to pay.

I do go on don't I Smile

I had decided things must change, and did a lot of thinking while I worked up to make the change and that's when I joined this thread. (Shyly would you believe!) and it's made all the difference, really. All the support and strategies and sometimes just daft chat about nothing in particular - thank you all.

Onwards Babes, onwards.

wemayhaveaproblem · 27/04/2017 15:13

Thanks, luxury always helpful hearing about others' journeys. I'm also really hoping that my impatience with my DC fades over time. Glad to have refound you all. Wishing you a sober rest of day/evening. Bedtime here.

Pawsbutton · 27/04/2017 16:02

Thanks for all kind messages.

Sadly, MIL died peacefully last night 😥

I did drink last night, but didn't get smashed. I suppose that's something but drink is never the answer.

AbetterME2017 · 27/04/2017 16:07

Lux ... e v e r y t h i n g you posted here resonates with me - i so easily could have written that word for word. I am embarrassed to admit that i too have got up early to dispose of that first empty bottle (usually hidden somewhere slyly) so tgat the 2nd bottle looks like the first 😶😶.

Have been AF since april 15th and feel so empowered to leave that wine alone. Its always been wine - beer i can have 1 or 2 and then leave alone. Gin i don't like - vodka very occasionally - but again just 1 or 2 glasses. Wine - well just 1 or 2, bottles, mostly 2 in recent months and i dont like who it makes me become .... forgetful (yes with teeth brushing also), slovely around the house etc etc.

focussing ahead now ....... trying to keep positive thoughts and ignore the wine fukkits that sit on my shoulder .......

OkPedro · 27/04/2017 16:36

paws Sorry to hear you MIL has passed but glad it was peaceful. How is your DH?
My friend just got news that her DM only has weeks to live such a horrible sad time 😥
I lost my own parents a few years ago.

lux
I can relate to everything you said. I'm lost in the fog but trying so hard to find my way out. I know I can do it but I'm dragging my feet Don't want to give up my lovely wine

TooLateAlready · 27/04/2017 18:23

paws - I am sorry to hear about your MIL. Tough times.
elf wow - and coming off ADs - I've had to do that before and it was a question of getting through it really. But wehaveaproblem take it very easy and I would also say one thing at a time. My GP said if she had known how much I was drinking she would have got me to sort that out before I went onto AD's. You are doing well - nearly a week!

I can see exactly what the booze is doing to me - I am struggling a lot the next day. but but but... like pedro I am still dragging my feet. Part of why I drink is that I don't want dp to think I am dull (that is bloody nuts too). He'd be annoyed if he knew I thought that. AF on Tuesday and then 2.5 pints last night. Going for AF tonight.

dementedma · 27/04/2017 19:31

pawssorry for your loss.
Good to read all the stories on here. I came off ADs cold turkey a couple of months ago and its only now that the mood swings, tearfulness and rages are passing. Just wish I could give up the fucking booze. It defeats me.
An update for those who know is Richard and followed his story. A recent fall from grace mad whom realise that living on his own in very rural Scotland was not good for him. Loneliness led to introspective worrying which led to self destruction. So,he nailed his courage to the sticking post, put his stuff in storage, gave back his flat and accepted an offer to work in China. He arrived last week and is ok and getting stuck into a new challenge. Long may it last.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/04/2017 20:41

Paws Flowers

MintToBee · 27/04/2017 21:42

Pawsbutton
Flowers
So sorry

LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/04/2017 21:49

ma that sounds very positive, hope that works out for Richard.

Flowerydems · 27/04/2017 23:35

Paws I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my mother in law 4 years ago and she's still a big miss. My father in law admitted tonight he's still only sleeping a few hours a night so I'm stressed wanting to help him rest more

Unwise day 70 is amazing!!!! So chuffed for you, sending you big bosies from baba and me as a congrats, baba smells like baby shampoo so it's a boost

Lux I cried reading that and thanks for your words of support, they mean more than you know

I spoke to my health visitor today and came clean about my drinking. I cried and said I'd held if all in cause I thought if I ever said the kids would be taken off me but I'm so low and I'm struggling to get out the house again so I just did it, still panicking a bit but I'm still in the sidecar and I'm ok with that.

Hope everyone's ok on this freezing cold night in the north east of Scotland, I'm inspired and in awe of so many of you brave babes and even the smallest victories of yours gives me hope and happiness. I'm weepy tonight in the sidecar but you're all an inspiration in all victories tiny and massive

wemayhaveaproblem · 28/04/2017 01:58

flowery brave of you to tell your health visitor. I hope she was really supportive- sounds as if you are having a really tough time

paws I'm really sorry about your MIL. Hope you are all doing ok.

Those of you farther down the road are a real inspiration.

Day 6 for me today. Feeling proud of myself and less wobbly but tonight will be tough. First Fri night and DH will be back. Our routine on Fridays always involves alcohol. Going to buy in some soft drinks for me before then. Also keep thinking about what it will be like to socialise sober. For me a big part of getting dressed up, going out etc is having alcohol. Hard to imagine celebrating without it.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 28/04/2017 10:35

Morning all,

Flowerey I hope you get some support from the HV, it was a brave thing to do and you deserve every bit of help she can give.

Wemayhaveaproblem day 6 eh? Awesome, it will get easier from here. Great idea to get in some soft drinks. It also helps to break routine up, so if it's normally film and wine night, maybe try something else. Cooking a fancier meal, baking a cake, long hot bath with hair and face mask - whatever keeps you busy. Even a game of scrabble! Anything that helps to break that response, the habit that means wine, movie, junk food or whatever you usually do.

I've said before that I was in the habit of a few drinks with favourite TV show for example, so I had to skip a couple of weeks by watching those shows and different times (Sunday morning maybe)
Our habits get hardwired. It's well worth suggesting coffee and cake with friends instead of the pub until you get used to not joining in the drinking. Just a few weeks of doing things differently while not becoming a hermit can really help to break those long established habits.

Sorry, I'm waffling on again Blush

Have a good day everybody.

Flowerydems · 28/04/2017 11:26

Thanks guys, she said to see how I get on going back to work cause that'll be 3 nights I won't be able to drink so I think that'll help.

I need to start changing my plans on a Sunday, I tend to drink all day with cooking so maybe make a mocktail and I'll drink it if I've put the effort in.

Lux you're definitely right about the habit thing though, think I may start going to bed earlier with a book, would love a bath but need to wait til we get the bathroom done