When did you meet your husbands?

[Lillybettx]

Hi there,

I'm nearly 33, and find myself single again after a seemingly perfect relationship of 14 months has come to an end five weeks ago. My boyfriend, now ex (i can barely bring myself to say it), broke up with me with little reason. I am left confused, scared and alone. Terrified that I will never find a partner and have children. I don't want children on my own, so that is not an option for me. It's not about just having a child, it's about being a family and having a life partner to have a family life with.

Anyway, my ex has decided he doesn't want those things with me and has cut and run. I think he has panicked. We got another wedding invite (making 8 for 2017) through that morning, and then by the evening I was dumped. I think he was standing on the precipice and had to decide. Because of our ages (both 33) and need to settle down it was a case of all or nothing, and he has balked at the idea of committing to a future with me. He says he doesn't know if he will ever want children or to get married.

I know time is of the essence and I need to get back out there, but when is too soon? When is the right time? And how do I do it?

All i want is for him to change his mind. I never experienced love with anyone else like I did with him. I'd had other boyfriends, but it was nothing like what we had. It was a whirlwind. He bought me an expensive watch on our third date - that sort of thing. He showered me with romance from the word go. It was absolute besotted-with-each-other love. I was head over heels, and more so with each passing day. I never saw this coming. I don't think he is ever coming back. You don't hear of couples reconciling down the line...

I'm curious to know when you lovely ladies met your husbands, and importantly, how you met them. I am self-employed, I work from my spare room so finding someone organically doesn't seem like an option. Although, I am considering getting a job in an effort to find someone.

Any advice to give me a boost would be appreciated as I am feeling dreadfully low and depressed. :-)

4 years ago well 5 if you count the staring and eye contact. Lol

Met DH when I was 1 week shy of 35. 39 now and expecting our first baby next month.

Don't panic is key.

Also - don't give so much of yourself to someone you don't know well enough next time.

At 33 you really do have enough time.

Get over this break up, rebuild your confidence/reserves then get back out there when you feel clear headed and on top form again. Good luck x

And please don't let your family/friends stress you out. Tell them that they're not helping by heaping all this pressure on you when you're not ready - it's only been five weeks FFS!

I was 21, and met through friends. There was no realistic chance of meeting anyone through work as they were all women apart from one man, who was gay.

Loads of people are on POF these days, I know people who met their spouses through OLD. However I think it's normal that you will feel a bit fed up and not ready to talk to anyone just yet. In a couple of months it may be different. You have had a shock.

I sent a text to the wrong number and he replied.

I was 21 he was 28. Married at 24.

Getting divorced now thank God!

Have been with the most amazing man for the past three years.

I met my husband when I was 23. I'd been single a year after a disaster pj's first marriage at 18. I was divorced by age 20.

Met hubby in the May of '87 and we married in the August of '87. We will celebrate our 30th Anniversary in August this year.

We met in a pub when I was out with my then boyfriend, his mate lol. I didn't like him at all! But he appeared within days of hearing if ended it with his mate. He asked me to marry him within 1 week (I thought he was crazy but he said I was the one) Mmm although I said no chance, I did marry him 3 months later. Everyone said it wouldn't last. It did - 30 years so far ....

We've had our ups and downs of course, but hey, who hasn't.

I wasn't looking to get married, never wanted to, I was having too much fun being single, but I've spent most of my life being married.

Love will find you when you least expect it, don't look for it and another poster gave excellent advice by saying marry someone who loves you more and someone who thinks marriage is for life. He told me that before I married him, he didn't lie. Good luck!

I felt that at 34 after a relationship that ended thinking it was forever.

He ended it for little reason too and i found out he was cheating. Yours may have been.

I got back out there 6 months later after accepting that was it and ge wasnt coming back.

The next 3 were total bastards. Now I'm weeks away from 39 and accepting that its over for me. No kids. No husband. That's it.

My ex married the one he cheated on me for and they have a kid.

Lilly google baggage reclaim Florence nightingale.

I've been exactly where you are- right down to the time gap of him splitting with his his ex. I dumped him when I finally opened my eyes to the fact he didn't really love me, but by god it hurt. I still work with him. Over a year later, I now feel MUCH better and glad to have moved myself along.

I've decided to go it alone next year if I haven't met anyone (I'll be 35). I have some fertility concerns though (2 past miscarriages amongst other stuff) so I'm not prepared to leave it any longer.

A boyfriend would be lovely, but I think I'm okay alone now. Really.

It's so raw for you- don't put too much pressure on yourself to move on.

Don't give up! I felt the same - I'd been single for 4 years at 33. Met my OH on POF (date #gazillion) and we were engaged a year after that, married the year after that DS1 turned up at 36 and now awaiting DD1's arrival in September. We also bought a house in that time (something I never thought I'd be able to do!)

Hang in there, keep smiling, try not to feel too blue as hard as it is. These things often need hard work, resilience and a dash of good luck in today's society - gone are the days of "it'll happen when you least expect it" - I worked bloody hard to find my husband lol

Good luck! Xx

I'm a very firm believer in the old saying that people come into your life when you least expect it. I met my DH at a Christmas Party - 2 people had dropped out that day and I took one place, DH the other. I worked with the group, his lodger also did so it was a really weird coincidence.

I think you need to focus on you and what makes you happy - join a walking group, gym, anything that gets you out and about and meeting people. There's a site called meetup.com that features local events and groups of like minded people. I'd stay well away from dating sites until you're feeling happier, more confident and over everything that's happened. There was an article in the DM yesterday about what men find attractive in women - 1st on the list was their smile. It's all about being content in your own skin I think. I met DH when I'd been single for a while and had been really down in the dumps but because I'd been making an effort to get out and about I was feeling better about it.

OP, you must be feeling really down.

Do you live in an area where there are meet-ups for people in your line of work, either employed or freelance?

For instance, in my city there are meet-ups and co-working events for translators. In various parts of London I know there are evening things for people working in or trying to get into advertising.

It would be a way of networking, maybe hearing of jobs / gigs you could try for professionally. You might also make friends or even meet a bloke, you never know.

We were both working in the same University department, I was 29 and he was 27. We were friends for 2 years before he declared true love. I was at first and apparently everyone in the dept knew because of the way he acted towards me. I am shit at social signals though, really very bad. Got in to a scrape recently when a male friend got too emotional about me. Took me far too long to realise, though I did eventually thank goodness and called it.

I had 3 boyfriends before DH and was engaged to two of them but I broke up with both of them. I just found and do still find relationships tiring as anything and was not that bothered.

I tick every single box for Asperger's syndrome though undiagnosed. I am quite odd I guess. According to others I am apparently very pretty so even though I'm socially awkward and have quite shit people skills because men are so bloody shallow about looks it's never been a problem getting one. Though I do find them annoying. DH and I have lasted because he lets me have lots of time to myself.

Agreed with the suggestion above about baggage reclaim. There is a website, books and podcast. The book "mr unavailable and the fallback girl" changed my life and is known by myself and my friends as "the bible" But having been where you are (and an old spinster of 36 who is supremely happy) I would say the old cliche of being happy on your own first is the important thing. You have to love you forever. And somehow when you focus on you finding a bloke seems less important

Wow! We met in temple, then shopping mall and he put his number in a (Harrods) gold fortune cookie. Since we had a wee bb and sex life is veryyyy active 2x a week.

Met at 18. Both went off to uni, both has LTRs with others and lost touch. I then moved back home at 22, he joined Facebook around the same time and added me, sent a message to see if I fancied going to the zoo and that was that!

Didn't mean to press post yet - what I would say is not to feel pressure to do what other people think you should do and make sure you work on your relationship with yourself. Exercise, good food, self-care, your interests - make yourself happy. because you deserve to be

I believe strongly in fate, he Wasn't for you-the right one will be along shortly.
It's very early days so hurts like fuck but it shall soon pass & you'll be stronger.
I met DH at 19, so almost 20 years up-I'm lucky & aware of that.

I was 33 when I met my dh - I'm 35 now happily married,we have bought our own home and are expecting a baby in 4 weeks!

Sounds like you became his carer and once he was fit for independence, he ran. Which given that you were both intending to work from home sound like he made the right decision. That probably felt very suffocating for him, perhaps he realised how insulated from the world you would both become which would add to existing problems within the relationship.

Your posts sound quite manic. And very desperate and needy. I think you need time alone to relax and figure out who you are, what you have to offer and what you want before you jump into another relationship.

Join a gym, eat healthily, get out into the world everyday, socialise with friends, get therapy...

You can't meet a man right now, the sane ones will run a mile.

Completely agree with Hilda.
I’m sorry OP but I was getting some serious ‘Annie Wilkes’ vibes while reading your posts

Take some time out from thinking about relationships and ticking clocks etc. You’re putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure and it won’t be good for your mental state.
Relax. 34 is still young and you have plenty of time.

Just drive carefully please. XXX

Oops sorry totally wrong place.