Help me figure out what to do. My Older Dsis has sent me a letter to explain how grief stricken she is about my news that I am pg with DC3. My DP and I have had a negative reaction from everyone on my family side except my younger Dsis who was lovely. My parents have been incredibly negative too, choosing to point out how difficult and expensive it will be for me to have a child with DP, as if we are children ourselves with no sense whatsoever. My mum was SO negative she actually made me question for a moment whether I should keep the baby because she seemed so convinced I was making a horrible decision that would ruin my existing children's lives. I don't want to see her or my Dad at all right now as a result.
Dsis1 letter is really screwing with my head though. She suffered with PND with her second child which coincided with my marriage ending when I was also pg with my DC2 5 years ago. Back then I moved back to be close to our parents (I had nowhere else to go) She was a 4 hour drive away, living with her DH and eldest son. She didn't tell anyone that she was struggling for over 18 months, because she believed we were all too busy dealing with my marriage ending to be there for her. It's true there was a lot going on, but I have no idea how much support she would have had if we'd known - the point is, we didn't know, couldn't have known and had no opportunity to be supportive or not due to distance and lack of information.
Anyway the letter she sent me yesterday basically says that because she was unsupported through her PND, her relationship with her DH and kids was irreparably damaged and she will never get the third DC she desperately wants. So she wants to be happy for me, but isn't. And the strong suggestion is that if my life hadn't hit the skids when she had her DC2, she wouldn't have had PND so badly, she would have a better relationship with her whole family and would have the third child she wants but her DH (unsurprisingly) doesn't want. The tone of the letter places responsibility for all that firmly at my door, because I took all my parents attention when my marriage ended. I am finding it so hard to know what to say or do. She is raging angry about it, and doesn't see she had any part to play in asking for help or telling people she was suffering.
Part of me feels bad for her, but part of me is just sick of being blamed for the situation she's in and forced to view my own happy news through the lens of how damaging and upsetting my life is to her (again). I have apologised for not knowing about her PND, supported her through accessing counselling, listened to her and been present for her for the past 3 years... it's not like I haven't cared or done anything to help. But it seems like she holds me responsible for how bad her PND got simply because I was unavoidably up shit creek at the same time and had the confidence to ask for help when she didn't. I don't know how long I should feel guilty for that??
I could just ignore the letter totally. And maybe that's what I should do. But part of me just wants to tell her to go get stuffed - or get a therapist or do something (anything!) to take responsibility for her own happiness instead of shitting all over mine whenever she can, because she's still unhappy herself.
WWYD? AIBU to be this upset about it? I am ranting here so I don't rant to her tbh. Hoping by venting here I will get over how pissed off I am about it all.