Called me a c*** as a joke

[himynameis3017]

New boyf and I had a really silly argument - not even relevant to what I need advice on
We sorted it and were ok, having a lot of a laugh I guess and he goes
Your a dickhead
So I go idiot
He went silly ass
I went nob
He then went cunt...

It really took me back so we ended up having a massive row!

Only been together a few months and things are good bar the odd argument nothing major
I know it sounds like I joined on with the ' joking around ' as he now calls it but I guess at the time was just going along with it

We arent really talking now

I've explained I hate that word and don't wanna be called it as a joke or not?! But as this has led into another argument and I've got upset
Just seems like I'm now the one in the wrong you know?

Am I right to feel upset or should I have just laughed it off?

Thanks for reading

Over reaction

It sounds like he was trying to diffuse the argument by being funny, and thought you were joining in with that too.

You joined in then moved the goalposts. I think you need to say you don't like the word and that its forgotten about now and move on. Obviously knowing that you've made it so that when you next have a row its your achilles heel if he wants to really stick the knife in. You know that, right?

It takes intelligence and judgement to realise that different people have different standards and we all give and take offense in different ways.

For me, 'cunt' isn't any better or worse than other swear words. I can understand that this isn't the case for everyone, but by the same token those people need to show the same understanding and appreciate and accept our differences.

I think it says more about YOU that you choose to take offense at the word rather than make the effort to see the intent.

What was the intent, Joysmum?

What was the intent, Joysmum?

The intent is for the OP to think about, none of us can make that call.

Everything the OP writes has been about her feelings on that word, no suggestion that her interpretation of the word is how he actually feels about her.

The 2 things are very different. She needs to identify which it is. If it's just an objection to the word then she's escalated this whole situation when it need not have been.

If there was intent behind that use of the word then that is of course very serious.

Overreaction. You DO sound hard work! Just move on and get over it, I'm sure he dare call you a cunt again

I don't think you get to tell another adult 'I hate that word' and expect them to stop using it altogether, although fair enough on not wanting to be called it directly. But you were both name calling and swearing then he got a hard time so I can see why he's not happy. It sounds like really boring 'banter' anyway.

I'd be more upset by being called an idiot, or stupid than a cunt.

This is why it's the intent, not the word which is the important thing.

Me and DP call each others cunts all the time....in fact there is an excellent sketch about it.....
me and my OH do this too, we have been together 11 years, but every relationship is different and this would be unacceptable in some relationships, so if it's something you draw the line at you need to make that crystal clear toy your bf and go over these sorts of things on both sides.

I love the word CUNT!

I use it as a term of endearment, I use it very regularly as I do most swear words.

I am not "lady like"

But the thing is, we all have different boundaries. Look at the heated discussions around porn for example. As individuals we need to decide what we find acceptable and ensure that this is upheld. We are treated how we allow ourselves to be treated. I wouldn't want to be called a cunt, so my loved ones don't call me one.

I've called my DH a cunt in an argument and not even in a jokey way, in a you're-being-a-cunt-right-now way. I think he's called me a fucking idiot in the heat of the moment at some point in all the years we've been together. We don't row often (once or twice a year kind of thing) but when we do they're explosive.

I think you overreacted but at least your boyfriend now knows your limits so shouldn't say it again if he knows it upsets you.

Also you shouldn't be having rows so earlier on in your relationship..??

I understand the word is not to OPs liking. Did OP say that in a calm manner like "sorry, that crosses a line can we stop now" or did it just go from jokes to row?

If jokey name calling isnt a good think for OP either then perhaps not even taking part is the way forward.

I don't understand why it escalated into an argument? Surely "I don't like that word and would prefer not to be called it even in a jokey way" should have been all that was needed?
It's only been a few months and you already sound mismatched and you're arguing so I'd cut my losses tbh. I don't think either of you were unreasonable btw but you were both unreasonable for allowing an argument to happen.

How was he to know what that nob is acceptable but cunt isn't?