I've been wrestling with this for some time now. A friend was widowed some years ago. At the time she was splitting up from her husband and had asked for a divorce. He killed himself. He had addiction, debt and mental health issues and I think he did what he believed - in his mental state at the time - was the right thing for them. It was very sad and shocking nonetheless.
When we found out he had died, I had nightmares about it myself. My friend had a hell of a lot to deal with and their children to look after and help through things. She has been amazing in many respects.
However my issue is with how my friend has gone about some things since then. For example, after the funeral she told me she played the widow well, which sounded awful to me. I know she will have been grieving too, but this just seemed too much. She has done a lot to help the children cope. But I feel as though the truth about what was going on in their relationship has been airbrushed and a lot of what she says about him very publicly on social media is a pack of lies. Then I feel terrible to be judging someone who is going through all of this. I can't speak to her about it and have distanced myself after initially doing quite a bit to help out practically. Friend has always been busy and prioritised what she wanted to do so I just stopped calling, texting, messaging because I feel relationships are two-way and she wasn't bothered about seeing me or knowing what was going on in my life. That makes me sound selfish, but when you only get a response to every tenth attempt at contact over a period of time i.e. weeks and months, not days, then you do think like that.
I've since found out that a group of us - all of whom have known her for a long time - have been cut out of her life. I don't know what to think anymore. Do I just forget her and move on? Should I say anything? I can't imagine anything I could say would be helpful in anyway except perhaps to give me closure and I think that would just come across appallingly.