I was brought up by a mum and dad that were completely unable to show any love, obviously I turned out to be a basket case, in fact I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression since my mid twenties, I'm now 46, my dad died from cancer 3 years ago, and I was shocked to find out that my mum was not caring for my dad, I went home once to find him lying on the floor on bits of old plastic sheet, incontinent, and dehydrated, my mum didn't call the doctor or ambulance because, wait for it, she didn't want the neighbours to see ! That really shook me, and made me very angry. When he died I was at his bed side, I called an undertaker, my mum was worried about what the neighbours would think. Months later I got my mum a dog to keep her company, she said she wanted one, I later found out that she never walked it, or showed it any affection, and it had to go back to pet rescue, it was only then I realised she was devoid of any love. Ideally I wish I never had to see or speak to her again.
The last 12 months I have had severe episodes of depression, last winter I was considering suicide, and I was left at home with no water, heating or food by the NHS mental health services, they couldn't care less, I didn't speak to my mum for weeks, usually I phone her once a week, she hasn't called me and I'm now wondering if I should just leave her on her own, she lives 4 hour train journey away from me, I find it a waste of time and a chore making the trip.