Confused. Don't know what to do.

[judgepickles]

I love my husband. But find his constant gloom difficult to live with. He is a good father to our 2 kids, has always been loyal etc. But he suffers from low mood and anger that he won't deal with, and makes my fault. This weekend he agreed to come out with me & some friends for a drink, then sat in gloomy silence all evening. Today he got angry & swore at me outside where everyone can hear (we live in v close together terraces). He never ever apologises or admits he has any kind of problem. I have no money and am a writer so v low income indeed. Don't know what to do. Am 50 too, mother dead & no family close, and the thought of starting again in poverty is terrifying. Genuinely don't know what to do.

I am also a writer (plus a day job) and very poor, but happier than ever now I'm not attached to a joy sucker. I traded financial security for being able to spend my time doing what I wanted when I wanted without eye rolling and sarcastic remarks - and it's worth it.

If your husband is a decent earner there is no reason you would be in total poverty, I guess it's relative but as my solicitor told me long marriage in the same situation as yours equals reasonable spousal maintenance if there isn't much equity or you rent

Sounds like my dh. Committed, loyal etc. But hard to have a laugh with and mess about and have fun. We are both struggling at the moment with low mood, and he really doesn't appreciate the days I'm trying to be positive. I could have written your post op so watching replies x

Thinkingofausername1 how do you cope day to day? I can ignore & jolly along sometimes, and I tend to go into organisational overdrive too making sure food is nice, house clean etc, but when I'm stretched it really upsets me. Believe me I don't see myself as always perfectly behaved mood-wise, but there is constant low mood & sourness coming from him that is so exhausting. And anger too. He apologised yesterday for the awful weekend, but as usual he was angry again this morning & backtracking/normalising his behaviour. I have asked him to take charge of himself, that I don't want to live with a sour & angry old man (there are plenty of those about). But I will not rush into anything. I am too long in the tooth & my kids are young so dramatic emotional displays and possible reconciliations are not on. The advice I've been given here re considering options and weighing everything up is excellent, and has helped enormously. I am going for a run to clear my head then will get on with work. Tell me about your situation if you feel like it? I'd be interested.