Ghosting?

[justyourstandardusername]

First time poster so please be gentle!

I started seeing someone earlier this year, we worked together for three years and it took a while to develop as he is quite shy and to be honest probably a bit socially awkward.

Anyway our relationship only really started after I left my old job as I think he thought it was his last chance to do something about it. He was very affectionate and enthusiastic, he made me feel wonderful. He went out of his way to see me and vice versa.

I saw him last Saturday, we spent a few hours together just relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We have slept together a handful of times now.

Since last Saturday he has been a bit off, nothing I can particularly put my finger on, he has just not been his normal self. I last spoke to him on Thursday afternoon and we said we would catch up again on Friday. I haven't heard anything since. I know he has had a busy weekend planned but it's so unusual to hear absolutely nothing.

This wouldn't bother me if it was anyone else but he has always been very attentive and talks to me throughout the day - 'how is your day going?' etc. I sent him a message yesterday asking if everything was ok as I hadn't heard from me. Zero response.

I can handle being ghosted but it seems such a leap to go from talking all the time, seeing each other at every opportunity to then have absolutely nothing and no explanation why. Also ghosting is really not his style as he is very honest and I would think if he wasn't feeling it anymore he would tell me.

Please help me to understand as this is really bugging me!

[user1471552073]

Regarding the ghosting. Call him, be blunt. You've got a right to know where you stand.

[justyourstandardusername]

I don't have children no. I am a healthy, financially stable woman so there is no reason not to have this baby. But at the same time this isn't exactly ideal is it? I need time to process this all it's completely overwhelming!

[summerfling]

The situations in which children are brought into this world are pretty much always less than ideal (mine included). However, regardless of whether he is involved or not, your child will be loved more than enough.

[PsychedelicSheep]

If you want the baby then have it, but on the assumption that you'll be a lone parent. It's hard work but totally doable 😊

[FindingJessica]

I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I think ghosting is an absolutely awful thing to do and after it's gone past seeing someone a few times and to becoming intimate I think there's no excuse other than being a coward. I've had this done twice in the last year. I tried OLD, men have thought it's fantastic to go out with me (my job is quite an initial attraction), they then realise what my life is and maybe I'm not who they need so off they ghost. These have been men in their 40's in professions you would not expect behaviour like that from.
I hope he has a good explanation and sorts this out with you. You deserve the very best now.

[LesisMiserable]

If he's ghosted you, he's not going to answer the phone, that's kind of the point of ghosting.

[justyourstandardusername]

Morning all. After all of your lovely messages I thought you deserved an update!

I had an email this morning from him as he lost his phone on Thursday night. He has asked for a bit of space at the moment. I haven't yet told him about the pregnancy and to be honest I don't know if I will.

[LesisMiserable]

I wouldn't. He's not interested in you and if you produce pregnancy news at this stage it will just look like a desperate attempt to keep him. If you want a baby, brilliant. Wait till you're further along into a viable pregnancy and tell him if you want to then. You seemed chilled about it.

[hellsbellsmelons]

It's only been a few months and he already 'needs space'!??
He's a tosser.

Cut him out for now and think about you and your situation.
Weight up everything.
Have a chat with your GP regarding options and take it all from there.

Sorry he's turned out to be a waste of space!

[justyourstandardusername]

You're right he doesn't sound interested unfortunately and I don't want to seem desperate by announcing it now.

I have contacted BPAS who will be calling me back within 24-48 hours about a termination. Seems an awfully long time right now though.

[Forager]

Seems like quite a coincidence that the time he loses his phone is also the time he decides he needs space.

I think he was ignoring your messages, but he had to eventually contact you so you'd stop messaging him. He sounds like a coward.

Good luck with the baby situation, whatever you decide.

[FindingJessica]

You sound very level headed and like you could and will do much better than him. I've had the whole needing space situation but if that's the case he should man up and be honest, not just ignore you. That really is a coward. Don't take any of it personally, this is always their issue. Sometimes when they realise what they've lost they try a comeback but by then you know how stupid they are.

[imablackstarnotapopstar]

What a total loser! I'm sorry you're dealing with this alone but I agree, do not contact him!

You realise he will probably crawl back when he's been discarded by ow and declare undying love.

Your test of strength will be - will you accept this type of treatment going forward?