Pissed off - again

[PissedAroundPissedOff]

Nothing to be done about this - just needing to off-load.

DH took DCs up to start getting them ready for bed tonight while I tidied the kitchen. They are 5 & 7. It was just before 8pm.

It didn't take long before both DCs started crying and screaming. DH appears to tell me DD has "gone off on one, she's refusing to go to the toilet". I'm not quite sure why he was telling me. I said "OK, can you get DS ready I'll be up in a minute". Then DD comes down in tears and tells me how DH physically held her on the toilet and shut her in the bathroom. Cue DH yelling from downstairs to argue with the 7yo DD. I go upstairs and DS is crying because DH picked him up off the stairs without his books and was rough with him during teeth brushing. At this point both children are in tears telling me how awful DH is and DH is standing there arguing with a bloody 5 and 7yo!!!

So I take over and get them ready for bed. Apparently I'm nasty for pointing out that he's managed to make two small children cry again and it's my fault because I gave them their dinner too late and so they're over tired. There was no evidence of him giving them their dinner at any time, let alone earlier than I had.

I'm sick of this. Basically I can't trust him to look after his own children properly. He's always too rough with them, regularly makes them cry and then argues with them to prove his innocence!!!

I'm blood fed up.

The fact that it's fee paying is neither here nor there other than the fact it means she'll have to change schools, amongst all the other changes which would inevitably happen.

My priority is to manage this so that my DCs experience the least amount of pain/upheaval/upset/disruption/damage.

What I have to do is work out which scenario is the lesser evil.

I was hoping someone might have some pragmatic advice.

My priority is to manage this so that my DCs experience the least amount of pain/upheaval/upset/disruption/damage.

Is this really true, or is this perhaps more true for you, OP? I know that may sound harsh, but sometimes the level of disempowerment is so high with abuse that victims are not able to think straight and to make healthy choices.

My pragmatic advice would be to make leaving a priority, and that will inevitably ask for some sacrifices. But not as many as you're making now on your and your children's behalves.

I mentioned the fee paying school because you mentioned it op.

It sounds as if you just don't really trust him with the children. Would it be worth getting him to do a parenting course, or is that too little too late? What are his family like? Could they speak to him?

No need to apologise nurse. I'm probably not making much sense.

I offer the pragmatic advice that your husband needs parenting classes.

In the community I now work in there are classes for women on all aspects of how to raise kids including, and this was a new one on me, help to set alarms to help get them all up and out for school in the morning. Also lessons how how to make breakfasts and packed lunches.

Its clear he cant cope with the kids and how they behave so struggles to contain himself. He needs to learn. Not everyone has that skill.