My emotionless marriage and falling for my friend

[mummybunny]

I have been married for nearly six years. My DH is a good man and I love him dearly, but we are more friends than anything else. He has taken on my child from a past relationship - he is a good dad and we are happy as a family.

The problem is that we seem to want increasingly different things out of life. Like most people we have busy lives, but he seems to frequently put other things ahead of our marriage most of the time. I firmly believe that we should both have separate activities and interests, but while I try to consider making time for "Us" too, he doesnt seem to care about that, and he certainly doesnt want to put our marriage on the top of the pile, which is where I believe that it should be.

We talk about day to day stuff, but I increasingly feel that I cant share with him my thoughts and hopes and dreams, because he isnt interested. Emotionaly, we are very distant, but he doesnt seem to even begin to understand that and I dont think that he cares anyway.

Tonight, we had another misunderstanding. He is working tommorow late and I had booked a babysitter and was planning to suprise him and take him out for the evening. Due to both of our commitments, we have not spent much time together lately, so I was also planning to get a babysitter for next weekend as I wanted to take him away. However, I forgot about him working tomorrow and he is also on a training day (Pleasure, not work) next weekend. He is also out all day sunday, so the next time that we will get any 121 times will be late next week. I am so sad about this but if I try and talk about him he just gets angry and starts accusing me of trying to control him, which isnt true. I have lots of friends but I dont much get out as althrough we both work/study full time, I get a much heavier housework load than he does.

This is the worse bit - I also think that I am falling in love with my (female) freind. It is more an emotional thing than physical, but the way that I feel about her is so different to how I feel about my husband emotionaly. I would never, ever do anything about it as I believe in my family and take my marriage vows very very seriusly. I am really confused.

oh babe you sound really down (((((((((hugs))))))))

i also think that the marriage should come first and that he should make more of a visible effort to spend more time with you. maybe you feel that you are falling for your friend becasue she makes the effort to spend time listening to you?

yes, it sounds your relationship with your friend has a lot of the qualities that your marriage lacks, so it's understandable that you're beginning to feel more deeply for her. You sound very unfulfilled in your marriage, and I'm not sure what to advise other than to talk to your husband about how isolated you feel from him and see if he's willing to try to make things better between you. If not, then maybe you'd be ultimately happier without him.

Sorry to hear you're going through this, it sounds a very difficult time.

There was a time in my marriage when dh and I just couldn't talk got so bad I left for 2 days as felt that their was no point holding in their when he was only going through the motions and not really bothered about anything else. The minute I'd gone he called and begged me to come back I did it changed for about a week and than the same old live continued. In the end I left again he called begged me back I stood ground and said it's not working we can't communicate were not going anywhere your work is more important than me or you child etc etc. He said what can I do I can't live without you I said about Relate. With 2 days he'd called relate and got us and appointment. I returned home after a fortnight continued at relate for nearly 4 mths. Now have no problems our marriage is at the top of the pile we still have our own lives and interests he hates me being on mn for example but leaves ne to it as I like it. We can now communicate and we talk about everything thanks to Relate I'm a married woman with 3 adorable children without them I'd have been a single mum with a dd who was stuck in the middle between her father and me.

mummybunny - sending you a hug
Sounds like a terrible time for you at the moment
I do agree that your friend sounds as though she is giving you something you desperately need from your dh.
Relate could be the way to go
x

heh mummybunny hows you today sweetheart? (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))