What's He Up To?

[wotsDHdoing]

hi folks,

I don't know whats going on at the moment with dh.
He has been going out alot recently on his own. And
I don't really have reason to suspect an affair, but I suspect something.
We have 2 dd's both under 2yrs and nothing is happening between us in the bedroom department, We both work from home and are therefor in each others pockets all day.
I just feel that he is behaving strangly. He has only 2 friends here, both are away at the moment, so i know he's not out with them.

Is it normal to go out to bars/ clubs on your own?
That smacks of pick-up behaviour to me.

not necessarily. If you're together at work and home he may just need time out and some time on his own. Do you have time out to yourself?

Bars and clubs alone? Nah.

Have you asked him where he goes? I wouldn't like my dp to be out in bars on his own to be honest.

have you asked him? how does he react if you ask - defensive? reassuring? dismissive?

hiya
sorry i didnt continue thread last night had to go sort dd2 out and fell asleep!

now i've got to go out so will post latest ina bit

Suggest getting a babysitter and going out together, his response to that will give you some idea.

Does sound dodgy to me.

Well ladies i just dont know what to think..
he says that he's just off down the pub, club, bar and i should "stop being a paranoid stupid fing twt!" nice!

Shimmy: He acts irate, non commital, defensive.
Says that i should let him have time out ( but 4/5 nights a week is asking a bit much if u ask me!)
wheres my time out?
I've had one cinema visit in 7 months and he calls 12 times!!!!

he had drugs misuse issues in the past which makes me paranoid that he's back on it again, but there are non of the other tell tail signs.

have run this past my friends and non of them, even the most liberal would be paranoid/ pissed off if their dh was doing this.

it's more the lack of support that pisses me off, i'm the one who has to deal with the dd's when they wake up etc.
grrrr!

last week he was out:
wed 6pm - 1am
thurs 8-2
fri 8-12
sat 9-4am

even if ne's not up to no good this behaviour isn't on is it?

DH also works from home and if he was out that much and that late without an explanation he would find the front door bolted on the inside next time he tried that trick.
Will he really give you NO explanation of where he goes and who he is with? Does he claim to be alone on these expeditions? Personally DH was doing this I would assume he was having a affair unless he could prove otherwise.
Have you tried asking him how he would like it if you took to regularly going out until 4am without an explanation?
This is IN NO WAY acceptable behaviour.

get a sitter and follow him

I have thought of the sitter idea, will have to concoct an elaborate plan...

tbh i'm looking into leaving him, as this latest episode is the icing on the cake.

leaving him will take serious planning and money-squirreling and energy and courage and commitment...
not sure how brave i'm feelin. I just cant think where to start!

How is he managing to get work done, and be a pleasant and helpful father/husband, while going out that much?

I would not be impressed. And even if he isn't up to anything dodgy, I'm afraid saying "stop being a paranoid stupid fing twt!" would be totally unacceptable.

work wise he is self employed and seems to make his own hr up.
His late nights & late mornings (gets up always after 10!) mean that ther is little or no time for us and
leaves all to childcare, shopping, cooking, cleaning up to me which is crap.

He generally gets pissed off with the dd's when they are overexcited and romping all over him because he's not given them any attention for three days!

sorry but I think something probably is going on. Those hours are way over the top for a normal night out with the lads. I mean what on earth could he find to do until 4 am in the morning?
Who does he say he's out with? Does he take a mobile with him? where does he sound like he is if you ring?

I'd be incredibly pissed off if I was you.