Surely he should put some effort in for this?

[NeverShine4me]

I'm feeling so low. My birthday is two days. It's a fairly significant one. Husband has done nothing. Nothing at all. Almost crying as I write this. I've arranged my own cake. He hasn't even bothered to buy a card. My children will be sad as one of them keeps saying she wants to give me my card. I tried on a pair of shoes a couple of weeks back with him but they weren't quite right and tonight he said oh well I was going to buy those shoes. I mentioned an artwork that is really close to his work and that we've walked past a few times. Nope. Hasn't even arranged any flowers. Basically waiting for me to initiate my own birthday. No wonder I feel bloody stressed. I don't want much. Even just a card and a pot plant for ffs from my dd. he doesn't care. I feel so sad. Unloved. I always, always secretly hope he might have arranged something, and then feel angry and upset when I have to drop hints/send links etc cos he's to emotionally lazy (he does other things eg house chores) to care.

You can't wait 10 years to leave him. That's a waste of a life. I think you've to fix it or end it.

Perhaps this birthday needs to be your wake-up call. The only emotional support you need is your own. You said you're a coward, but that is NOT a permanent condition unless you allow it. It's time for a change. It's time for you to take control of your own life.

Take on board Isetan's post, OP. Excellent wisdom there.

I've been where you are. And I waited years. What a fool I was. I'm out now and loving it. And it's not as hard as you think with the babies on your own. The emotional drain that he is now will be gone. You will have more time and more energy to manage things. And freedom from that sort of shitty existence is priceless

It's up to you if you stay but don't waste it being unhappy and waiting for the person who prefers the status quo to change.

Get emotionally stronger by getting to know and understand yourself better. Hopefully, putting yourself in the best position for when the time comes, your unsatisfactory marriage is a jumping off point and not a trap.

Please don't wait until they're teenagers- not only is is a waste of your time but I think a split would be harder on them the older they are.

You only get 1 shot at life- you do realise that you deserve to be happy, don't you?

When mine were small, I would occasionally take myself off with them to a Premier Inn and treat myself to a couple of nights away. The children were still there to be looked after, but someone else would come in and tidy (some of the cleaners were lovely - we'd come back in to beautifully made beds with the toys all arranged on the pillows) and I didn't have to cook. I'm sure it annoyed my H that we could have a better time without him than when he was there...

Don't wait for him. Don't hassle him to do something. Be nice to yourself and ignore him if his guilty conscience makes him be an arsehole about it.

Do you make a fuss on his birthday? If you do stop. He obviously doesn't think it's worth celebrating birthdays so why celebrate his. Toddlers won't know it's coming unless they are told.