Tell me if my sharing is normal?

[nonameinspiration]

Dp made another comment last night that I overshare. I disagree. I have various close friends who I confide in about whatever it is I need to talk about. I think this is normal. Dp thinks it's actually wrong or they were the most recent words used.

Part of this stems from me seeking support from very select friends about The Issue that affects dp and I relationship. Obviously he is v uncomfortable and has had a go at me a few times. My last response was that I will fucking well talk to people about things which are affecting me and he can just deal with it. I was very selective and it's not as if a dozen of my friends have come up to him in the street and said oh I heard about blah etcetc. That was xmas and he's not brought this up again. That was so far down the route to controlling behaviour I was raging.

Dp does not have close friends and doesn't discuss problems with anyone except me and sometimes my mum. He has dozens of mates but rarely talks to any of them about much if anything. The Issue had caused so much stress i really wish he would talk to someone about it so it isn't always me.

Is it me or him that's normal?

I am a sharer but only to a certain extent, anything to do with our relationship/ sex life/ anything my dh is worried about/ wants to remain private is strictly between us. There are other things that he would be happy for me to discuss and I would share with my Mum/ bf.

I would be absolutely gutted if dh was upset with me for sharing his private life. I would apologize and promise not to share his private life again. I can't believe you shouted at him! It sounds like whilst your dh welcomed the advice from your friend, he just wanted to say he felt uncomfortable and would rather you didn't break his confidence again. I would hate it if someone knew my personal information, its almost like being bared to your undies in public. Your poor dh!

Yeah, I don't think that you ar being respectful of your DH here. He's told you that he is uncomfortable with you sharing whatever is affecting you but you have told him to get over it without any kind of compromise.

I also find it weird that you'll tell your friends what the problem is but you won't tell anonymous strangers on the Internet because it'll be unfair on him.

Well OP - you can see how "I will fucking well talk to people about things which are affecting me and he can just deal with it" would be a totally inappropriate response about a number of sensitive personal relationship issues. It's really a question of the extent to which the sensitivity of this is more keenly felt by your DH than you. It really is not black and white, but you do need to be sensitive to his sensitivity!

It's personal enough that it would be unfair to say it on an anonymous forum.

And you've told 3 people IRL.

Yes, you need support too. But from 3 people?

Impossible to say whether you over stepped the mark though, as we don't know what was shared. He could be right, wrong or anywhere in between.

It's too identifying. I can't risk the other party's finding the thread. To at least friend a and my mum who spend a lot of time in our house the situation is blindingly obvious due to the absence of an individual who has previously been present. Dp and I are both parents but not to the same dc. Some of you might work it out from ^ but please don't type it out too clearly.

The issue involved me to the extent that I had to formally check out where I stood professionally. Due to my job. Dp didn't have to do that I think failed to understand how stressful that has been. So not just dp business

I think, from what I've read here, that your partner is probably right and you do over share. If this is about him, and he doesn't talk to others about it, I don't think you should. I be gutted if I knew my husband was talking about my problems with his mates, especially if it was something I was keeping private. I think the "fuck off I'll talk to who I want about it" attitude stinks.

If I've read this wrong, I apologise.

I'm glad you posted this OP.

I have almost exactly the same situation going on and its really eye opening to see that the general consensus is that you should not be sharing.

I have to say, my DH told me a lot when we got together 10 years ago that he was private and didn't like me telling people things. I, like you, dismissed it thinking it was totally normal for people (or women at least) to talk about their relationships with their friends. I thought it was controlling of him to tell me what I could say and to whom, and told him so.

Because of this, despite the fact we've been together 10 years and have 4 DC, there are a lot of things about his past that I don't know and I don't know if he will ever feel comfortable and trust me enough to tell me.

It makes me sad every day and if I could turn the clock back I would absolutely behave differently and show him that he could confide in me.

Wondering if I had posed the op slightly differently I might have got the stock mn responses. Happy to take on board advice from here and will.
The eff off comment was during a blazing row that dp started - about something else entirely but I accept as s result of the pressure The Issue has put in him.

I'm a bit wary of closing myself off the way he does. For whatever reason I need my friends

I'd be raging if my OH talked about personal stuff to his mates. He has one 'bestie best in the whole world' friend that I fully expect to know quite a bit about us but it stops there. I don't do it and he doesn't do it. Certainly not to Mums either.